everyday epiphanies treated to overanalysis. plus techno-social-cultural babble from a 3rd world point of view.
Friday, July 25, 2003
rail clatters calls
listening to: deftones - anniversary of an unintresting event
what you are seeing is an indian snack. its called 'samosa' and is basically fried. the filling is really snappy like all other indian snacks. the reason you are seeing is that i did not know what to do with my webcam.that done, i would try to utilize it more. like maybe co-relate a whole story with a picture.
anyway, this post was to inform you all that i am leaving my premises for 12 days to see if i can get into a college. after the central examination held for the engineering colleges in a state, i got a rank and now i have to travel for 'counselling' where they tell me which college has seats available acoording to my rank.one of the reasons i am so scared of travelling is that everytime i get this fear of not being in contact on teoti but i somehow always manage. so no goodbyes. just hope i get decent speeds. and a decent college.
but i have not been true to myself and indulged a lot here too. i am seeing as many movies as power cuts can allow. but my plan of following some kind of schedule has been followed to an extent. my daily writing thing (which i know is impossible) is not being done. part of it is because of the speeds. i just check my mails, check 2 other forums, news, and wooshaa!! 2 hours of my life have gone away. still, i am happy that atleast my bio-rhythm stablized partially. its kind of weird to fell sleepy by 10 in the evening, wake up by 1 am and then again go to sleep by 5 and wake up by 10 am.
apart from that, i have started keeping a list and a pad always nearby to jot down ideas and things which suddenly pop up in my mind for further thought. its a good thing. always gives me something to write about.enough of my daily habits. got to spare you guys. and i got another teotian convert. my younger brother, chronological, but don't cheer him up or anything. he is still new to all this.
Tuesday, July 22, 2003
Iraq : War with a telemarketer approach
Listening to: papa roach - dead cell
There is one thing that I support my government on. The decision not to send troops to Iraq.
I don't know if these are populist measures considering that assembly elections are round the corner. You have to realize that for a country like ours, where politicians and diplomats alike are so bent on kissing US' ass before pakis get forward, this calls for a lot of balls. Fuck them anyway.
Day after day, this war or conquest as I would like to term it, is for me the new imperialism. The reactionary arrangements of shit scared super powers whose white soft underbelly (Blue Oyster Cult so ruulzzz) has been exposed. Not that I am very happy for people to get killed. From the beginning of this debate here on teoti, I had been advocating for no war. If removing Saddam was so urgent, there were other ways and secret killers and the whole Robert Ludlum deal. As it is becoming more and more apparent, the evidence on which this conquest was based has still not seen the light. Hey, credibility is lost. Even if they found it now, it would be planted. At least I am sure of that. Desperate measures for desperate people. Although I am truly a bit shocked at US secret services. They didn't even discover the Pokhran nuclear tests '98 in my country when the camp was being made and in operation for a year. And now, all these 'could be' stuff. Maybe I overestimated this country's capabilities but should have learnt earlier after the election of dubya.
People getting killed, especially innocent people were my main problem. And I don't see any resolution. If this war was short and a democratic council formed of the Iraqi's wishes, it would have still have had my support. But now soldiers are getting killed everyday. And with increasing causality, they need someone else to share it too. Our government wants to send troops but only under the UN's banner. We are already sending medical contingents and bilateral relations have always been there, if not very healthy. Point is that India has just gained independence and its still in the collective consciousness, the horrors of being a colony. And now to side with a country, which removed a tyrant for people who never asked for liberation, is not the right thing to do. And hey now I heard Bush or his pooch say somewhere that at least, the Iraqis are saved from being mistreated.
Let me site an example. Remember when Bates and the secretary are talking and Bates has got her sandwiches. How people are stuck in their cages and they can claw and crawl (an action which was prominent with the victims in 'silence of the lambs') but never escape. Well that set me thinking as to the value of this heist for the secretary. She was taking a measly amount of money and running away in comparison to the trust and years she had put in. Maybe she realized it and planned to go back in the morning.
I was talking about psycho
If I work at a cyber cafe and enjoy enough trust to stay overnight, would I try to steal all the cash in the drawer and leave in the morning? I don't think it's a nice trade-off.
Similarly, trying to find WMDs and removing a dictator and in the process plundering their national history and killing civilians and soldiers alike is not a good deal.
I wouldn't really care if my country was not on the verge of joining it. This problem has been entirely unilateral. US funded the bastard. US had a problem. Dubya fucked it up and made the longest running real life pr0n. First the grotesque photos from Saddam's reign for campaign. And then the real life deaths. I still believe we could have done without this.
Listening to: Jamiroquai - Synkronized
So I finally get around to writing something after a really really long time. A collective of temptations have kept me away and add to those some very valid factors.
So I know you Americans don't know what's a power cut. Okay, maybe Californians do. But really have you ever counted the hours without electricity and what to do with it. My country has some really deep shit working here. The National Thermal Power Corporation refuses to give any more power to my state elec. board for unpaid dues. And how can they when all the money goes into the politicians' pockets? Anyway, us bloody civilians bear the brunt for the splurges of our leaders. So I had these days for last some time when electricity would be away for 18 hour out of 24.
But in a way that was good for me. I got around to do a lot of things that I have been avoiding for a lot of time. Like bathing, eating, clipping my nails, shaving my hair, toilet, etc. I talked to my folks and sat with them and discovered they were married on the same day. Ok, I know the hyperbole went out of believable realm but hey, its true. I archived a lot of my books lying around since my house has undergone renovation. And discovered some unread ones too. Earlier my house used to be a 2-storey wreck with flats on ground and 1st floor. The top floor was the terrace unlike US where you guys mostly keep sloping roofs. Now its got another floor and expanded to have 2 flats on each level. So now my house is a 6 flat humungo and I plan to start the Indian version of bang bus very soon.
No seriously. I can do these things if the weather allows me. If you are checking this out on my blog, see the weather pixie on lower left. Its raining caterpillars... the trucks people. I am so tired of this rain now. Every year it's the same routine. People dying in the excessive heat. People dying for rains. And when the rains come, they bless and then proceed to sweep away the people praying and their houses intact. Hey but I am one of the lucky ones. I am a city guy. But I guess living in a city has problems of its own magnitude. The nonfunctional municipal corporations don't help. In this country, people usually put debris to raise height of plots they buy and then make the homes. Now when drainage systems are not working, which is every monsoon season, what you get are islands. Like I am on one. The roads become waterways for fish and other such creatures that can be only from the zoo. Because if they are not and are breeding, then we have some problems. A week back, I discovered a small snake in my lavatory. And well you know what happens next. Here is a clue.
In today's episode of Simpsons - reruns in India - they go to new York to recover homer's car from 1, world trade building (sorry for bad memories) and well he is feeling extremely heavy in his bladders and a bus goes by which is going to... flushing meadows.
My toilet misadventures notwithstanding, you may have realized my situation by now. A lone guy with a lamp also acting as a light tower for telemarketers on boats rowing and giving me this men's hair remover, monetarily challenged people hunting for anything moving in the water and who is occasionally thankful to quantum theory for making this chaos work.
Saturday, July 19, 2003
Ironic, Self-referential... Whatever
picked up this great article at Blogjam
How to write a blog the easy way.
Why not post:
These are all from an amazing site I checked out Yesterday.by Julian Trubin
First up is an amazing banner I should have put on my site,
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Can't be done. It's a hardware problem.
"This is an object-oriented system.If we change anything, the users object."
In C we had to code our own bugs. In C++ we can inherit them."
Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"
The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"
"Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."
"I wish I had invented the telegraph," he replied remorsefully
The speed of time is one second per second.
What's the difference between an auto mechanic and a quantum mechanic?
The quantum mechanic can get the car inside the garage without opening the door.
A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.
First, they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while, they notice three persons coming out of the house.
The physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate."
The biologists: "They have reproduced".
The mathematician: "If now exactly one person enters the house then it will be empty again."
A physicist and a mathematician sitting in a faculty lounge. Suddenly, the coffee machine catches on fire. The physicist grabs a bucket and leaps towards the sink, fills the bucket with water and puts out the fire. The second day, the same two sit in the same lounge. Again, the coffee machine catches on fire. This time, the mathematician stands up, gets a bucket, hands the bucket to the physicist, thus reducing the problem to a previously solved one.
"The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again."
Mermaid mathematicians wear algaebras.
A man camped in a national park, and noticed Mr. Snake and Mrs. Snake slithering by. "Where are all the little snakes?" he asked. Mr. Snake replied, "We are adders, so we cannot multiply." The following year, the man returned to the same camping spot. This time there were a whole batch of little snakes. "I thought you said you could not multiply," he said to Mr. Snake. "Well, the park ranger came by and built a log table, so now we can multiply by adding!"
Life is complex. It has real and imaginary components.
A guy gets on a bus and starts threatening everybody: "I'll integrate you! I'll differentiate you!" So everybody gets scared and runs away. Only one person stays. The guy comes up to him and says: "Aren't you scared, I'll integrate you, I'll differentiate you!" And the other guy says: "No, I am not scared, I am e^x."
Thursday, July 17, 2003
The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.
No Passage To US
The move to curtail US immigrant visas undermines freemarket logic.
blame it again on the cliche of our times — self-interest.
Self-interest evidently can do many things — it can override ideology, it can justify double-standards, it can even overlook long-term economic benefits. And yet, we in this country might be entitled to ask if these visas were all only to our good, with the US benefiting in no way from it. American corporate history tells us a different story. Some 20 years back, there was similar unrest in the US around work going to Japanese automobile-makers. There were huge protests, but outsourcing continued. Today, US auto companies have emerged stronger. The steel industry too faced protests on outsourcing, and it took a protectionist stand. Today, that industry is in a sorry state.
Sunday, July 13, 2003
essay : God made man or man made God?
written 2-3 years back. for kicks and immaturity.
This is evolution, The monkey, the man,& Then the gun.
With man today bent on self-destruction, the destroyer is found. The need of god, who man created some milleniums ago, exists no more. His role is over.
No opinion of mine will be valid if I don?t define ?god?. By ?god?, I mean the person or embodiment that is referred to in every day exclamations for unexplained phenomena and things beyond our grasp or control. By ?god?, I am even pointing out all people involved in ?mystical? and ?spiritual? practices in his name.
This concept is originally borne out of ignorance. Man has been confounded by his surroundings and happenings from time immemorial. When he was still walking on two legs, his one and only object in life was something basic and essential to animals even today- Survival. As his brain developed and his legs became powerful enough to rise on two legs, he found ways to elongate his time till extinction. When even language was in a preliminary form (& numerals were enough to count the livestock) man was amazed at the natural phenomena all around him such as sun, lightning and rain. So beneficial things such as Sun had become ?gods?. They developed crude customs of sacrifices of animals and sometimes, even human, to ward of evil forces of thunder and storm. This is evident by the idols and artifacts we find in excavations of the ancient civilizations.
Much later, ?god? also became a shield to withhold information. Priests invented rituals and customs to keep in touch with ?god?. It was no longer a simple affair. This specially became evident in the Indian context. The ?vedas? and the ?puranas? were written to define a priest?s role in the society. If anyone tried to go against or question these practices, they were condemned. The rulers kept the priests happy for the sake of the kingdom. With a rich mythology compromising a whole race of Gods & Goddesses ? 330 million at last count - fans had full freedom to invoke & worship whoever?s qualities they needed. Even outside India, great scientists and natural philosophers such as Aristotle and later on, Galileo were condemned and poisoned by this class.
The second reason for this need of God is control, control over life & everything else related. Man has always desired things to go his way but things sometimes do go against him. A Mr. Murphy even gave a law on this. It states: ?If anything can go wrong, It will.?
Man has hoped for fulfillment of his desires & he needs to idealize his hope to which he prays & leaves all his worries. Somebody who you can worship in the morning & have the mental peace throughout the day. Superstitions are thus, given birth. To do something against the daily timetable will be a bad omen is usually held. This need of a glorified ideal is ?fulfilled? by God.
The only people who really need ?God? today are the politicians. Causing communal disharmony in the two or more synonyms of his name to enlarge their vote-bank is done with no regrets. Think of people who have been committing fraudery in his name. Such people who do miracles are constantly being caught & exposed. Sai Baba, the revered one of Shiridih, was exposed of his illicit sexual acts. ?God? is increasingly becoming what I feared it would one day, a necessary evil.
According to Stephen Hawking, ?God? are the governing laws of nature & I finally believe that somebody is using this word in the right context.
If God is the creator, we are going to achieve it & I am sure of it Cloning will take care of it and our DNA will survive.
If God is the preserver, we can save anyone.
If God is the destroyer, then that is what we have become .Our capacity to self-destruct is unique.
(How paradoxical are these three truths.)
Anyway, I don?t believe we have much room for ?God? in our already over-frantic life. But I will still leave the final choice to you:
DO WE STILL NEED ?GOD??
Thursday, July 10, 2003
blogging on a wet afternoon
Listening to: Jurassic 5 - high fidelity
So here I am back in the saddle at my home and waiting for lunch. In the few minutes I have, lets squeeze in an update before my hunger and a secondary hunger of TV takes me away. Its becoming harder and harder for me to draw myself away from the TV watching movies all day on star movies and HBO. It has now blown to concerning proportions what with my folks trying to throw me away. It’s nice to see 3 movies a day. But then you have to stop somewhere.
So you probably would have read the drunken post before this. The sheer futility of trying sometimes takes its toll. I spent almost 2000 bucks to get to Delhi and back for zilch and well, when people start pointing you out as the detractor here when it definitely seems like a quirk of fate, the shit hits the fan.
Anyway, I downloaded some 3-400 MB stuff that night including the 3rd part of The Key , a really nice adventure game that I have been panting after for the last 2 weeks and the best part is that it is free. Its really scary to think that a game like myst equivalent in size although not in scope was made by a team of people and now, it is done by a guy in some months, that too part time in the nights while in college. The march of technology and the 2nd most important law after Murphy - Moore - scare me. First games were like, well, games. 2 hours of fun, loads of shooting, small enough for a floppy. Now they form a swarm of universes all by themselves. The other game mod that I downloaded was the Max Payne Kung Fu Mod 3.0 for my brother.
So now I am waiting for the latest version of yahoo to get updated although I believe it is causing some problems. Anybody else has slowdown problems while running Clcl, Runit 2.11 beta. Coolplayer 2.01, proximitron, AVG antivirus, flashget, Pulse, opera 7, Internet explorer at the same time? Hmmm. looking back at the question seems to give me the answer. he he.
Seems all. But one important thing. I am planning another blog to maintain daily. A sort of a popular culture thing where all my links, views and reviews of movies and music and basically our culture today will find place. Let us see where that leads.
Sunday, July 06, 2003
Listening to: Chevelle – the red
Aha, mutherfuckers! I have you now. What did you think that rage is not transcribiable. Well surprise mofos. I am so tired of all this shit.
Yeah I am tried of all this shit. Yeah I would like to blabber to infinity and would like you to hear it. Goddammit, you would hear it. Mutherfuckers I am the exhibitionist here. You are voyeuristic bastards on the search for people like us. Innocent mofos.
So I came to Delhi to give one last exam and guess what happened? My application wasn’t even received. Aha. More shit from family. Far more than I am made to handle. What my folks can never realize is the amount of shit we have to handle is a lot more and at a lot earlier stage than them. Its not about following parents blindly.
So we went to see a movie bruce almighty. Talks about the movie later. What is important is that dad wanted to take some books. So I talked my borther into taking ayn rand as required reading for a teen. The shit hit the Air conditioning when this happenned,
“ dad this is what I was hiding from you?”
“ *my name on the latest issue of rock street journal is shown*”
“ I am confused”
the dire irony of this life. The climax when it becomes one big orgasm. I don’t know what to say. I am sent to one of the best schools in this country for quite a big part of my life and when I become this freak who is interested in so many things, I am told to do shit. No wait. I havwe to do shit. I don’t get it. Why show me the world in a demo version when I cannot have the full version. No cracks for it.
Ya u guessed it. I sent my dad off from the movie and got drunk. In a neraby bar where a guy was playing house/trance and they finally kicked me out when it was getting too late and here I am writing down my rage. Ha.
I want to scream.
I want to fuck this world so hard that their moms come out of their nose holes one piece at a time.
I tried to buy the complete works of kahlil gibran and I was told to lay off. Frankly I am tired of this life and if you people don’t transcend virtuality into reality or suddenly intelligent people strat popping all over this country, I am going to suicide very soon.
Yes, I am drunk. What are ur problesm? Go away mutherfuckers.
Thursday, July 03, 2003
beginning of the end
Listening to: taproot - poem
Just when you think that you are all comfortable and settled, the upswing comes and takes you away.
Seems like the ghost of the city is not leaving me. I am going to exorcise to for one last time. There is still one exam left to be taken care off and that is why I am going there. In the 4 days I will be there I intend to do the bye-byes I missed last time in the hurry and leave it behind. And I will be hopefully back here by the 8th morning.
Reminds me of those nice little things in life which don't matter but are the additions. There is this particular confectionery near to my place where I regularly go for shakes when I am around here. And that being so little it is usually once every time I come to my home. The brothers handling the place have kids of their own and I always have a nice chat on their future plans for their kids. Its become this really rare sort of a relation where one thing is stationery. The rock of our life made out of crystal for reflection. I can come back again and again and nothing changes there. And they can see me at regular intervals trying to do something with my life and changing. Constantly.
If I get time I will write from Delhi too. Meanwhile, I have a train in exactly 1 ½ hours. Its strange.
But talks about exhibitionism and voyeurism later.
Wednesday, July 02, 2003
listening to : cave in - anchor
Here's what I am up to. After the fatalistic stint in Delhi - the capital of India - I am back in hometown, Patna. The year behind me cannot be summarized in a paragraph or so, at least not now. So I will most probably dissect it down in the time I am idling here. What I do know is that I did not do what I was sent to - study. What I did do was what I wanted to - experience and see what I can do.
Check out www.randomaccessmemory.com
Leaving me in a predicament, which is not very favorable here. In all the competitive exams which I appeared for, none of them went too well. My family expected me to cause some avalanches. I have a reputation in the family of being one of the better than average students. And after the nonperformance, here is what I am listening,
" I knew it. He may have a knowledge of everything else but he is bad at studies."
" I told you people not to put so much trust in him. He was never that good. And now you spoiled him"
" He was blinded by city lights."
And the best part is that I am enjoying all this. I am enjoying people trying to reason my behavior while they don't know anything as to what happened and what I DID do in the year. Know what? When people try to question me, I just give them the answers that they want because it is very rare that somebody is interested in the answer. They just want a affirmation of what they have already formed an opinion of. So I always have this cred of being answerable only to my folks. And now, I don't know if this normal teenage attitude or what - and I know bytey is going to be at the opposite end of the argument here - but I am not going to answer anything to my folks too because they won't understand. No seriously. What we have here is more than just a generational gap. It's also a major perspective change.
Here is a primer on Indian family structure. Most of the families in my state's towns and cities (Which is the worst state in this country for the record. It is a wasteland, badland or whatever else you can say) have a house and relatives in the state capital. Most of all the families in the state capital have a house and relatives in the capital of the country as well as people in the US or other foreign countries.
So my uncle in US called me up today. He has helped me out a lot and he is the one who is egging me on to be serious about my life and wants me to do the brain drain thing. That was therapeutic. So I finally got the daylight savings time query cleared out. I am amazed at the ways Americans can deceive themselves into some more hours of fun. Reminds me of our study time in school just before exams when the electricity use to fail and we would all be swearing at our luck and happy inside that we had a legitimate reason for not studying.
So anyway he heard me and finally someone was happy for what I did. What I needed an affirmation in (as I already had an opinion) was the big question, "Did I waste my year?" and he told me no. Working around and basically experiencing a lot of the world first hand which was missing since school has done me good. Maybe unconsciously this was always my desire. And in a foreign country, this would have been an ideal setting. But in my country where damn degrees matter over personal talent, its of no use.
The main cause for this is population. The sheer number of students trying to make a life is staggering and it hurts. From the start, it has been one of my main problems. In a crowd of swarming millions, who has the time to individually see your ratings? That is why degrees and colleges matter here. It is automatically taken that you are brilliant if you are in one of the top ranked colleges along with a bunch of other people. Who cares what grade you got? For a long time I have had a discussion with one of my LGs and I always defended population. Now when reality sets in, I see the light.
Tuesday, July 01, 2003
Listening to: Don Davis Vs Juno Reactor - burly brawl
Time for update. I finally got my home connection working and now seem to be set for some days Murphy's Law notwithstanding.
What if I use the phrase 'Murphy's Law' as regularly as expressions concerning god? I think the reason 'oh, god' or other such other phrases enjoy their widespread popularity without becoming repetitive is because they are small and 2 syllable. I mean this is the same conundrum as posed by the guy in one of the Terry Pratchet books. It's a real pain in the ass to write 'oh, the-quantum-fundamental-metaphysical-law-governing-the-universe'. That is one problem most atheists have to get around.
First thing I did was to update my teoti blog after I saw the old format returning. Nice to see it back. Although I believe the forum format would have helped in longer discussions which I don't see a lot of here. Mostly people here follow Calvin's observation of shortening attention spans.
A discourse on killer apps and the net will follow in some days.
Working on a phone line is a tone down and tells me a lot about taking things for granted which I am guilty of. I have been reading Sophie's World, a quite good novel giving an introduction to the history of philosophy and it tells us not to take things for granted and see the world through the eyes of a child which. That is what a philosopher does to wonder at the world and question. Hey, for what its worth, I am even developing a theory of my own. But that's for later. Beer and Bandwidth - the 2 most basic needs of a man are not being fulfilled anymore. Have to get used to it.
I have got a new toy to play with. My brother got a webcam out of somewhere and although it is not very top of the line, I am enjoying it. It's a Logitech USB thingy and can take motion videos too. So if anyone has any games or ideas to make me the perfect cam whore, I am all ears. I may even use it in one of my subsequent posts.
Talking of people on the net, I bet a lot you teotians must have turned other people to this abyss of no return. So here is my list for consideration. There is fountainhead who is currently studying Engineering 3rd year and posts occasionally. There is hedonist and boojum who are my batchmates out of which Hedonist seems to be doing the daily quote and question and joke thing. Both of these guys are pursuing B.A degrees in Economics (honors) and English (honors). Who else? There is a certain vermin who logs on occasionally and mostly lurks.
That seems to be it. I know at least 30 other people who registered on teoti just thinking that it is a mp3z/aapz/crackz/ site or something because I would be downloading a lot.
So what about others?
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