slipgun's den

temporary ravings

2006-02-20T07:33:00.000-08:00

listening to : psychotic micro - schizophrenic

We did not stop. We kept looking. There had to be more this world could offer. Sex could not be the end of it. The earlier the fascination for it started, the earlier we got over it. That might have been a phase - and a searingly scorched one- when every word uttered was recontextualized. Every word was a double entendre.

Right now, underage girls are playing outside with the word. They don't know the meaning and couldn't care less if I told them what it meant. All they want is another ass to pin the tail on. Another means of spewing off all the extra steam.

For us, the search has finally ended. Although sex was only talked about. We did everything else. Every taboo and transgression allowed in this society and we ran out of energy. In fact, the drugs kept it going for too long. Living life at this fast a pace has only shaved off later years.

nice price for the rice, said the cambodian laborer. at least, its a slow death.

bring it back

2005-02-19T10:56:00.000-08:00

i am going to bring it back. the keyword being 'Numb'. because nothing affects me anymore.

exams around the corner of the street

2004-03-27T12:53:00.000-08:00

can't do shit right now. will return in late may or early june.

Nakshatra and how to appease them

2004-02-28T12:35:00.000-08:00

Listening to: Hot Hot Heat - Bandages

How many times you have thought that a white trash trailer kid is better than you? I bet none. But when you are forced to endure lengthy complicated rituals in 'Sanskrit' which only 10% of Indian population understands (the priest still have to keep themselves in power by using such arcane ancient language) taking up your TV time, its time to get cranky.

A bit of a background here. Sometime back my grandmom was convinced by a priest that all my misfortune in areas of health (update: have a searing pain above right eyebrow. I can feel my brain throb and it is not pretty) was due to some alignment issues between the planets. So I was given a scary charm to wear.

As you can see it is not a particularly fine example of workmanship consisting only of some heavy duty thread and a locked capsule, the contents of which are open for guessing season. It smells good.

Predictably, I had some very teenage issues with it. I respect my grandmom and her senile behavior at 73. All I wanted was not to be involved in it. She could perform 'ashwmega yagya' for all I care if it did not disturb me. The other thing was that I did not want to wear anything on my body. I don't have any rings or necklaces or variants thereof on my skin. The last one was a silver chain passed from my Grandfather, RIP, to my big cousin and now to me.

Probably I should explain my idiosyncrasy at this point. It stems partly from teenage opposition to anything under the sun (its great fun to get my younger brother to accept that he won't eat for another 3 days or so just because we do. his is a story for another day) and mostly from my carelessness. I have lost innumerable digital watches (as Douglas Adams rightly observed, we considered it cool 5 years ago) and that bastard Family heirloom, the chain. If it's not hooked to my skin, it doesn't have a chance to survive. I remember some cafe days when I had to give up my sad excuses for burgers and 'Paw Bhaji' for all the lost watches and amulets, me being the guy who always collects footballs and guards the clothes while the physically gifted put their tight calves to good use. (That turned out a little homoerotic)

We got a sort of canteen open on 2 days every week for burgers and carbonated beverages in our boarding school which was totally residential and situated on a fort. You must now realize the importance such a momentous day has in any overworked boy's day. Now consider that the woman who oversaw this chaotic day was hot in a MILF way in a totally boys school.

Right. So we were talking about my grandmom. Well, she did go through with the plan anyway and got me the charm which I promptly kept away in my dysfunctional printer's tray with some classic movies. She did not stop at that. when it hit her that no sort of 'pooja' has ever been performed in the unholy confines of this pseudo-prison, she promptly got the priest and a guy in cahoots with him on a train from my village to come here and perform a 3 day super duper mega powerful yagya to set everything right.

This finally brings us into the present. Today all the arrangements were made. Although I planned to tell them about you bit its basically chanting a set of hymns invocating the necessary gods which we want to deal with. I like this about our mythology. We were neck deep in consumer culture before the west even learned to say, 'Dah, Dah!!' Choose which of the 36 million gods is relevant (points to ponder: does the west have enough products to compete with our gods in quantity) and start chanting. Mmmm...

Anyway, the setting would be better explained by pictures. So no big payoffs in the end. Now scamper.

Mall-Core and Postman

2004-02-27T11:29:00.000-08:00

Listening to: Dizee Rascal - Fix up, Look Sharp

Wigger-core: Amazingly accurate name for nu-metal or whatever you call it.
the Euthyphro Dilemma
Does God will acts because they are morally good, or is something morally good simply by virtue of God willing it? If the first is true, then there's morality outside the will of God and claiming that something is moral or immoral because God says so doesn't answer the question. If the second case is true, then there's no need to bother with morality at all, there's only God's will and the very idea of morality is meaningless.
Another paradox invoked in the homosexuality debate curently raging.
I was introduced to Neil Postman some time ago. Last year when he died, Salon did an obituary and I did a superficial scan on the net for his works. I went with a vengeance for his stuff this month. Turns out this guy was no hack.

I will go as far to say that he is probably the most relevant thinker right now. A neo-Luddite, Postman has written some amazing shit over the years. His attitude for new technology was mostly disdainful until it solved a problem. Most of his works were related to education and its definition through the years. His observations on TV and how it changed the culture is so insightful, I was in spasms of revelation. Ok, not that far. I swear, if this guy was alive today, I would have left everything and went to NYU.
Unfortunately, when it came to Computers, he seems to be a bit off the mark. Unlike TV where everyone underestimated the impact it has on culture and Mr. Postman corrected them, the exact opposite course was taken while propounding on Computers and their effects. He took them as mostly data processing monoliths which wouldn't solve the problems of humanity and beyond. He believed that it would lead to social isolation. Instead, the net has lead to more social interaction and it would be lovely to hear his views now.

Ironical (everything seems ripe with irony these days) that I came to know about a guy on the net who never touched a computer in his life. Click here to google him.
What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one. Orwell feared those who would deprive us of information. Huxley feared those who would give us so much that we would be reduced to passivity and egoism. Orwell feared that the truth would be concealed from us. Huxley feared the truth would be drowned in a sea of irrelevance. Orwell feared we would become a captive culture. Huxley feared we would become a trivial culture, preoccupied with some equivalent of the feelies, the orgy porgy, and the centrifugal bumblepuppy. As Huxley remarked in Brave New World Revisited, the civil libertarians and rationalists who are ever on the alert to oppose tyranny "failed to take into account man's almost infinite appetite for distractions". In 1984, Huxley added, people are controlled by inflicting pain. In Brave New World, they are controlled by inflicting pleasure. In short, Orwell feared that what we hate will ruin us. Huxley feared that what we love will ruin us.

a clearing house for quotes

2004-02-22T12:57:00.000-08:00

Which I picked up here and there. For deciding where to use them later on.

Fight Club:
"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables-slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war . . . our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."

American Beauty:
"I had always heard that your entire life flashes before your eyes the second before you die. Only that one second isn't a second at all, it seems to stretch out forever like an ocean of time. For me it was lying on my back at boy scout camp, watching falling stars. And the maple trees that line our street. Or my grandmother's hands, and how her skin seemed like paper. And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird. And Janey. And my last thought was of Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to be angry when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes, I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and I can't take it. My heart swells up like a balloon that's about to burst. But then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold onto it. And then, it flows through me like rain and I feel nothing but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry. You will someday."

"If it’s too loud, you’re too old." --Ted Nugent

"A lot of pop music is about stealing pocket money from children." --Ian Anderson

compulsory incidents, and the Matrix's true destiny

2004-02-19T09:44:00.000-08:00

Listening to: Deftones - Anniversary of an uninteresting event

So its 1 year since a boring everyday incident in my life. Ok, I concede I am some days late but its potentiality to be everyday does not diminish. 1 year is not exactly enough time to give me a retrospective on it. One day, the meaning of it all will be revealed.

Leaping to a totally different thought process, its time to clear my head of what I think about 'The Matrix' and the subsequent disaster.

First of all, LOTR is way better than Matrix. Although I still believe that the emotional factor, the connection between the characters and the audience was lost in the big scale of Midworld.

Secondly, The Matrix trilogy did not suck so much. We all agree that the first is a landmark which led to a whole new generation of fans intent on finding the references and the philosophy it referred to. The books and the discussion were not all in vain.

Now here's my problem. As with all good things, leaving the first flick as a masterpiece wouldn't have been good for the studios. In fact, treating it as an art was lost and the corporate responsibility crept into them. so it became a brand and thus expanded into a trilogy accompanied with a game (which sucked major league except for filling in on Niaobi's and Keymaker's back stories) and a DVD of animations (which might be the best thing to come out of this whole fiasco. all the greatest anime artists under banner giving various POVs to the same future, sheer orgasmic joy)

I was neck deep in conversations and discussion on the net from July to November 2003 wondering where the plot will lead. You can refer to matrixessays.blogspot.com. I think Wachawoski brothers did the best thing they could in the current situation. We all had high hopes and great explanations planned but they took an old plot device, one where 2 enemies have to band together to fight a third rogue element. last time I saw such a plot was in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when they had to team up with Shredder against monster pizzas (don't even ask. I still have pr0n vidz of them). This I believe is because the brothers are going to take time and come up with something more brilliant. It may not be in this storyline but I hope will be set in the same matrix universe where probably Neo v12.6 or someone will finally battle it out against machines.

All this may be wishful thinking. Personally, I don't think it sucked that much. I still think 'Reloaded' was the best of them all like 'Return of the Jedi' featuring awesome dialogues and furthering the main mental conflict in Neo from faith to choice. Even 'Revolutions' has a great battle sequence and such epic stuff is justified only on the big screen. So now you will have to wait for the DVD.

Everybody (including me) got lost somewhere in expecting this to be the cultural artifact of my generation as the 'star wars' is to the 70s folks. Keep looking.

gamelog III : the thing

2004-02-18T12:36:00.000-08:00

Listening to: Converge - Jane Doe

This is time when I should have told you about the new line-up on TV. Instead what I get is a lot of upcoming festivals. One of them (the Grammies, duh) is going to happen tonight and it will be airing it live at 6:30 am. Not that fanatical about it but I can sense the pressure of dressing up the singers must be facing to create new landmark in fashion and secondarily, the validation of their musical genius. And then later on in the month, we have to deal with the Oscars too. additionally, the Wednesday primetime slots on star world are open with Ally McBeal being pulled out thus treating us with spectaculars like 'the fake shit they do on TV wrestling' (informative) and 'New York in movies' (spectacular. they featured Woody Allen, Martin Scorsese and Spike Lee).

I also finished another game. This one is a 3rd person action adventure which brings FPS and more importantly, 'survival horror' elements into the mix. On top of all this, it has the added baggage of being a movie franchise and you can see the bars being very high for this one. On most counts, 'the thing' has succeeded. Yes. You read that right. Instead of an upcoming movie, they took a cult 1980s horror hit by the great John Carpenter (remind me to watch 'the screaming room' on HBO, a half hour series focusing on the horror genre).

For us movie fans, the game gives us the original board signifying 'outpost 31' at the start of the game and Kurt Russell's last recorded message. For n00bs to the movie, it is basically about an alien virus loose on an arctic substation. this seems pretty much the standard setting for a thousand b-grade flicks including the great 'evil dead' (bow down to Bruce Campbell who provides the over voice in 'Spiderman movie - the game'. he also got a lifetime achievement award at http://www.mutantreviewers.com/). This movie perfected the isolation hysteria subgenre. The horror doesn't come out of strange animals and creatures, although the animatronics were terrifying creating the spider-with-a-man's-head and the dog-man hybrid. The horror came out of trust or the lack thereof. Put a bunch of people (strangely, no women. not even for PCness) in a place where you can't escape and where anyone of them could be the alien masquerading as a human. Paranoia formed the backbone of the movie where dogs were not the best friend of a man. Guns were (I am no big dog lover but after seeing what the dogs mutated into, they are fast graduating to the clown phobia alert level).

If it is still not hammered in your head, the success of the game lies in porting the delusional and paranoid atmosphere from the movie. Oh and it does. Continuing in the vein of 'freedom fighters', you get to lead NPCs wherever possible. Apart from health, you have to give those guns, heal them and keep them clear of particularly gored corners otherwise they may go berserk. On top of that, they may randomly turn into the alien. On all other counts, it fares well. The guns are generic but good with a FPS option for combat. Team orders and AI are adequate. The enemy AI is a bit on the lower side where they go tripping on their own mines. some of the games I have been traditionally afraid of are claustrophobic ones (I had completed tomb raider II: the director's cut which had 4 levels underwater after the rig level. still gives me the creeps). This game was a big step for me (therapy?) considering the initial levels all where in cramped quarters and one totally in a caved laboratory. Add to that the camera which focused on the enemies and then when it was all clear, slowly crept back into position. Now if you remember the Valkyrie influenced hallucinations in Max Payne, you would get an idea of the disorientation I had to face.

Update: lost this post in other things. A week too late. I have started replaying freedom fighters and a much raped version of Soldier of Fortune II. The hacking team may get all categorical about it but there is no denying it. Instead of ripping the game, they raped it. They took out the dialogues, the music, the full motion videos (if there were any) and - horror of horrors - even the gore ability. The only reason to play this game is the advanced dying physics and the fun of killing anywhere specifically.

pazz and jop awards 2003

2004-02-15T13:53:00.000-08:00

The Village Voice has an excellent list of the best music released the past year along with some editorials and reader comments. they make for some very intresting reading.

On the internet fueled habit of hording music and constantly discovering something new:

The itch is palpable, a genuine jones as overpowering as any urge for a cigarette or other drug that I've never bothered to touch. I'm 45, I know more than I've ever known about music, I hear more than I've ever heard, and I just can't stop myself from wanting to hear things for the first time more than I want to hear what I've heard before. -Steve Pick, St. Louis, Missouri

When is it enough? When do you have enough records? Have enough cheesy rock bios? Seen enough gigs? How much of a blur does everything have to become in your head before you close the door and confront a lifetime's (or at least half of one's) accumulation? - David M. Snyder, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

The amount of good new music in the universe is probably expanding at a relatively constant rate-more this year than last, more last than the year before, etc. It may be harder to find, harder to sort out, etc., but it's out there somewhere. And the trend will continue until civilization collapses, which is unlikely (unless Bush gets re-elected). - TOM HULL, Wichita, Kansas

On subversive attitude towards women:

It was the year of the Woman Best Seen and Not Heard. Society didn't just disagree with these women, it loathed them. Madonna wasn't allowed to be a critic of American life. The Dixie Chicks weren't allowed to dis the president. Amy Lee wasn't allowed to get pissed at radio jocks objectifying her. And Liz Phair was absolutely not allowed to go mainstream pop. - JEANNE FURY, Brooklyn, New York

On Black Eyed Peas' pop genius:

For the Black Eyed Peas to get on pop radio with a slickly produced but smart and soulful rap that associates the CIA with international terrorism and implies that George Bush is a liar would deserve our attention. That the tune is impossibly catchy, with a boy-pop pinup singing the candy-coated chorus, makes it a subversive cultural milestone. - RICK MITCHELL, Houston, Texas

On essential similarities between rap and rock:

What separates White Stripes and OutKast from other notionally mainstream artists is that neither is daunted by the obligation to make transcendent music. For them, mythic significance is just another cool toy to play with. - ARTIN JOHNSON, Manhattan

Andre 3000, with his I-do-not-want-what-I-think-I-might-got, Mango-on-SNL steez, made one of the most emo records of the year. The Love Below and Cursive's The Ugly Organ are essentially about the same topic-men grappling with their ability to love, kicking it ice cold. - JULIANNE SHEPHERD, Portland, Orego

Missy is the new Dylan, as in Dylan 69, so wired in to the great humming generator in the stars that even her lesser efforts are better than anyone else's best. - JOSHUA CLOVER, Berkeley, California

And some funny ones:

What Stacy's mom's solo album would sound like: Liz Phair.
What Stacy's dad's solo album would sound like: Rod Stewart, As Time Goes By . . . .
What Stacy's solo album would sound like before she heard "Stacy's Mom": the Donnas, Spend the Night.
What Stacy's solo album would sound like after she heard "Stacy's Mom": the Distillers, Coral Fang.
AMY PHILLIPS, Manhattan

Given the long rock-porn connection, where's the epidemic of band names taken off spam e-mail-the Penis Patch, Size Matters, Wife's First Black Cock? - DAN EPSTEIN, Los Angeles, California

Without a doubt, the debut of the year was by the U.K.'s Led Zeppelin. I know, everyone says they're just ripping off the White Stripes and Queens of the Stone Age, but they are so much more than that. Who else would have the guts to debut with a three-disc live set? Their deadpan take on every conceivable '70s rock excess-including, hilariously, the de rigueur 20-minute drum solo-works as well as it does because these guys can actually play! - SCOTT SEWARD, Tisbury, Massachusetts

On Corporate Bigwigs:

The sooner all of the major labels merge into one big label, the better, because when it eventually goes bankrupt it's just a matter of time before Lars Ulrich can get down to doing what he really wants: coming to your house personally to beat you up. - SEAN CARRUTHERS, Toronto, Ontario

"The studio system is dead. It died . . . when the corporations took over and the studio heads suddenly became agents and lawyers and accountants. The power is with the people now. The workers have the means of production!" George Lucas, circa 1970. Ain't it funny how the outsiders become fat cats?
- BUD SCOPPA, Studio City, California

On the state of rock:

The Strokes, Kings of Leon, Jet, the White Stripes-what do these groups have in common? Well, they're rock, for one. They all, um, rock, too. They also have very little to do with anything new. Maybe that's all right, though. They all sound pretty good and certainly point toward the possibility of somethingbetter. Then again, if rock is dead, the recording industry is dead, and two of the four Beatles are dead, maybe straight-ahead rock is new all over again. Even better, it's a little faster this time. - ALEC FOEGE, Westport, Connecticut

Where's rock on my list?? A couple of years ago already, after All Tomorrow's Parties in L.A., a couple of friends came back scratching their heads saying, "It's funny-they're still listening to rock over there." That's the most concise way I can put it. - JOHN WOJTOWICZ, Vienna, Austria

On Sean Paul:

If rap is about voices-as-drummers, dancehall might be about voices-as-guitarists, or voices-as-horn sections: singers working repeated melodic hooks against sparse beats. In the case of Sean Paul, though, voice-as-symphony orchestra is more like it. - SCOTT WOODS, Toronto, Ontario

guilty as charged of loving Kriss Kross as well as OutKast. what? they wore clothes backwards.

I love "Hey Ya!" But who even pretended not to? It's the most accessible hip-hop hit since Kris Kross's "Jump." It's also a hopeful sign that people still crave weirdness from pop music even in this most conformist of times. - ROB SHEFFIELD, Brooklyn, New Yor

And finally some very good roundups:

I also have no patience with and feel quite sorry for idiot rock critics who think "pop hits and hip-hop are suddenly very good!"; idiot rock critics who think "our generation's newfound ability to inexpensively download individual songs online" opens up a world of discovery that hadn't pretty much always been available on the radio and TV and jukeboxes and mixtapes and dance clubs and used record stores in the first place; idiot rock critics who think albums are any less albumlike now than they've always been; idiot rock critics who rejoice that "there are still acts out there who make quality albums built to last and not just a couple transitory hit singles"; idiot rock critics who think it was okay for Liz Phair to discuss her sex life when she was in her 20s but now it's somewhat unseemly since she's over 30 and all; idiot rock critics who think 40-year-old white guys who like hip-hop are unseemly; idiot rock critics who think grownups who like Justin Timberlake are perverse; idiot rock critics who like Justin Timberlake now but used to call me perverse for liking "Ice Ice Baby" and Will to Power and Amy Grant; idiots obscurantist enough to "still not get" the Strokes or White Stripes but who hype scores of more generic garage bands; idiots lazy enough to believe the Strokes and White Stripes are the best garage bands out there; idiots who think the Strokes and White Stripes are garage bands in the first place; idiots in the Strokes; idiots in the White Stripes; and um, lots of other people. (Many of which idiot categories sometimes include me.) - Chuck Eddy, Brooklyn, New York

The idea that people listen to only one kind of music has always been ridiculous. But I've rarely had it driven home more potently than during a monthlong stretch early last year. Nelly played a sold-out show at the city auditorium and a few weeks later, Good Charlott and NOFX did the same. I saw plenty of young people at both shows. But the real headturner came at an alt.country show (Cross Canadian Ragweed and Jason Boland and the Stragglers) at a local boot-scooting club where I spotted a dozen or so who had been at Good Charlotte. After a few minutes of conversation, it turned out that most of them had also been at Nelly. - L. Kent Wolgamott, Lincoln, Nebraska

This was a great year for metal, indie rock, noise rock, garage rock, garage rap, underground hip-hop, overground hip-hop, country, jazz, electronica, lots of things. And corporate oligopoly and cluelessly vengeful industry panic didn't stop any of these from evolving before our eyes, as long as we kept them open. - CHUCK EDDY, Brooklyn, New York

Here's the link. check out the complete feature.

hung like a whale

2004-02-15T11:07:00.000-08:00

tonight i saw american idol and i have seen the future. this is where music is going to be. the new internet sensation. my personal god and role model.

ALL HAIL WILLIAM HUNG

for more info go to http://www.williamhung.net/

the great outsourcing debate

2004-02-14T13:02:00.000-08:00

Finally someone with the resources has done a complete coverage of the whole outsourcing brouhaha. Wired.com has presented a complete feature on it which covers all sides of the debate especially what are my views on it as a total outsider

The obvious cycle of upgradation which people are forgetting in protectionist fervour:

But the rest of us, like it or not, will have to adjust. The hints about how to make this adjustment are evident at Patni. As I meet programmers and executives, I hear lots of talk about quality and focus and ISO and CMM certifications and getting the details right. But never - not once - does anybody mention innovation, creativity, or changing the world. Again, it reminds me of Japan in the '80s - dedicated to continuous improvement but often at the expense of bolder leaps of possibility.
And therein lies the opportunity for Americans. It's inevitable that certain things - fabrication, maintenance, testing, upgrades, and other routine knowledge work - will be done overseas. But that leaves plenty for us to do.

history to put this in context:

A century ago, 40 percent of Americans worked on farms. Today, the farm sector employs about 3 percent of our workforce. But our agriculture economy still outproduces all but two countries. Fifty years ago, most of the US labor force worked in factories. Today, only about 14 percent is in manufacturing. But we've still got the largest manufacturing economy in the world - worth about $1.9 trillion in 2002. We've seen this movie before - and it's always had a happy ending. The only difference this time is that the protagonists are forging pixels instead of steel. And accountants, financial analysts, and other number crunchers, prepare for your close-up. Your jobs are next. After all, to export sneakers or sweatshirts, companies need an intercontinental supply chain. To export software or spreadsheets, somebody just needs to hit Return.
What makes this latest upheaval so disorienting for Americans is its speed. Agriculture jobs provided decent livelihoods for at least 80 years before the rules changed and working in the factory became the norm. Those industrial jobs endured for some 40 years before the twin pressures of cheap competition overseas and labor-saving automation at home rewrote the rules again. IT jobs - the kind of high-skill knowledge work that was supposed to be our future - are facing the same sort of realignment after only 20 years or so. The upheaval is occurring not across generations, but within individual careers. The rules are being rewritten while people are still playing the game. And that seems unjust.

go to Wired.com's complete coverage on outsourcing

ETCON notes

2004-02-14T13:01:00.002-08:00

I am at the opposite end of the net spectrum from Cory Doctrow who is constantly plugged into the happennings and discussions. He takes an active part in the development of the net and I am one of the million observers. What makes it especially depressing is that I am aware of the progress. If I was just another guy whose main pleasure was being a exhibtionist, it wouldn't matter so much but right now I feel like a lam3r whose life (or his ideal life) is passing him by.

Anyway, It is nice to know I share some habits with alpha geeks.

All geeks have a todo.txt file. They use texteditors (Word, BBEd, Emacs, Notepad) not Outlook or whathaveyou. What we keep in our todo is the stuff we want to forget. Geeks say they remember details well, but they forget their spouses' birthdays and the dry-cleaning. Because it's not interesting.
It's the 10-second rule: if you can't file something in 10 seconds, you won't do it. Todo.txt involves cut-and-paste, the simplest interface we can imagine.

running notes by Cory here.

Also here are some notes on the economy being spawned by MMORPG gamers which I discovered some months ago was the 56th largest in the world.

Once MMORPG users start trading goods on eBay, you create real-world torts and property interests in gamespace objects. Korean court awarded damages to someone whose gameworld artifact vanished.
I did economic analysis of MMORPGs, "shadow pricing" of gamespace econ. Analyzed Everquest world Norath. GDP/cap: $2000 -- comparable to Tunisia, Bulgaria. Economist said, "Game economy bigger than Bulgaria".

running notes here by Cory

the state of my city

2004-02-14T13:01:00.001-08:00

For some time I have been referring to my hometown as the armpit of India. A wasteland. well, here is some news to give you an idea about it. and yes, you read that right. the students are protesting and lighting up houses because they are not allowed to cheat.

Students' right? 'Dangerously wrong

PATNA: "There are no students in Intermediate colleges of Bihar; there are only examinees," said a senior official of the Bihar State Intermediate Council while reacting on the recent violence by students in the state to protest punitive action against use of unfair means in the ongoing itermediate exam. At least two persons died at Sasaramwhen the police opened fire at examinees indulging in arson and violence after their six colleagues were expelled for allegedly using unfair means. Earlier at Biharsharif, the Inter examinees turned violent after some students were expelled for using unfair means.

read more here.

Enough. HC wants people to 'decide'

PATNA: The Patna High Court on Wednesday "consigned" the case filed by the Bihar Vyavsayik Sangharsh Morcha on the deteriorating law and order situation of the state.
A division bench, comprising of Chief Justice Ravi S Dhavan and Justice Navin Sinha, observed that in a state where students consider it their right to use unfair means in the examinations and, if prevented, damage public property, it is upto the people of the state to decide what type of law and order situation and administration they want. The CJ also stated that if a person feels hurt in the present law and order situation of the state, he/she may file a fresh writ petition in the high court. But since much water has flowed down the Ganga in past one year without any fruitful result, it is of no use to keep the case alive, he stated.

the great internet rummage

2004-02-14T13:01:00.000-08:00

Listening to: Jawbreaker - Misc. Bootlegs

i have been quite busy these days. after the bloggies announcement, i made it a point to check out fellow bloggers and see what is so special about them. that eventually lead me to the indian bloggies and asian blogging awards and various such alternatives (including a Bhartiya Blog Kela for the worst of them all). this has led me to a internet trail of intresting stories and awards and blogs and what not reminding me of my whole night jaunts for anything to intrest me.

anyway, this gives me a reason to procrastinate again. but for your pleasure, i am going to post all intresting links and stories. whoever you are. hehe. also it led me to find new memes and techniques being adopted by the blogosphere and well, gave me a inferiority complex. so i went ahead with the plan to update my blog links, stats, et all. a full scale redesign is not possible right now but i think i did enough for now. the last update will be done tonight. meanwhile enjoy the stuff.

i will link to the rest of the blogs after checking them out for a week or so. for some, blogging is the new one page homepage of yesterday - embarassing and n00b. but there is one thing very special about everyone of them - their personality reflects in it. later then.

a false ending

2004-02-08T09:41:00.000-08:00

Listening to: Seemless - haze

You know the feeling when you bring closure to a part of your life. A feeling of finality.

Somehow, it always eludes me. I may not do things for a month or so and just when I think that its time to make it official, it starts again. I had earlier posted a list of movies I saw last year and now when I had not seen even one in over a month, I thought it was over for good. Too soon.

Remember this is December. The time when all movie channels have to fulfill their holy duty of a blockbuster screening at the end of the year. Sometimes the broadcaster may cut down n the number of specials if they are all from the same bouquet so as not to clash with each other. Also, the quality of movie (in terms of quantity of money gathered at the BO) variates with the year and this being 2004, the quality was somewhere between bad 2003 (nothing special about this year) and super humongous 2000 (when the only movie to justify the millennium transfer was the biggest grosser - yes that waterworks special - titanic).

So now I have seen one bad summer action movie - Spiderman - because I seriously had nothing else to do. They don't even try to put a decent ending these days when sequels have already been planned. Instead, we have to endure shitty no reason whatsoever separations. (What happened to peter parker? had he become impotent due to the spider or what? oh, the pain of schlock fests like this.)

On the other hand I saw 'a streetcar named desire' (the original Marlon Brando one) and to say anything would still be an understatement. I know for sure that I would be trying out a lot of other old movies now. This one was sourced from an old friend who likes such old movies, musicals and classic novels a lot. The irony is that he introduced me to the heavy side of music and then went to discover the delights of previously stated art forms. I guess I am in line too. Anyway, after watching so many bad romance movies in the past year, I wanted to see some original pioneering work. TCM (Turner Classic Movies) stopped airing some years ago thus putting cartoon network in a 24 hour slot. I lost my momentum then.

Still, ASND was not exactly what I expected. I was hoping for old school romance unlike the new ones where behind every pretense, the only story in them is that the characters had to sleep with each other and thus ease the tension built up in 2 hours. Instead, I got this landmark of a movie with contrasting acting styles. This movie paved the way for the realistic acting of Marlon Brando as I have read again and again. In retrospect (forced grandeur. hehe), Janet Leigh's acting seems overtly theatric in contrast to the others. It was a nice movie in the end. In fact, I saw it again after reading all the history behind it to understand the context. If you haven't seen it, you are missing out on an American institution.

More classics to come.

another old internet trend to point out my worthlessness

2004-02-03T12:31:00.000-08:00

At age 19:

Writer, painter and filmmaker Jean Cocteau published his first volume of poetry.

By age 19, W. B. Yeats "lived, breathed, ate, drank and slept poetry."

French symbolist poet Arthur Rimbaud ("A Season in Hell") abandoned his writing. He had proposed that poets become visionaries by pursuing a complete derangement of the senses. Later he became a gunrunner in Africa.

Gore Vidal, who never bothered with college, completed his first novel.

Abner Doubleday devised the rules for baseball.

Russian composer Modest Mussorgsky resigned his Imperial Guard commission for a life of "meaningful endeavor" -- writing music.

Paleontologist Richard Leakey launched his first expedition in search of human fossils.

Tired of watching friends fall prey to drugs and crime, Matty Rich fought back by directing "Straight Out of Brooklyn."

Henry David Thoreau delivered a Harvard commencement address. Expanding on Emerson's 1836 essay on "Nature", he proposed that man should work one day a week and leave six free for the "sublime revelations of nature."

Horticulturist Luther Burbank read Charles Darwin's book, The Variation of Animals and Plants Under Domestication. Inspired by this, he went on to create hundreds of new varieties of fruits, vegetables, and flowers.

an argument against roswell

2004-01-29T09:27:00.000-08:00

Listening to: AC/DC - highway to hell

After seeing so many cult like sites, listening to a good soundtrack and being ambushed by some fans, I started watching Roswell for a short time. Please clarify exactly why do people like to so much after reading this.

First of all, they have had 3 seasons to ponder over such questions. Also they are based on a series of graphic novels and they have a much bigger tendency to examine originations of characters. Repeatedly. So I expect some answers.
If all the matters they are dealing with is essentially teenage ones, why the whole overtone of aliens? I know that might provide a bit of novelty value but using that as a content is limited to covering-up their secrets (which might have been any secret. they may have been Mexican guerilla fighters tired of US FTAA policies in Latin America and thus they had been raised from birth to be such. much nicer)
For teenage issues I can see saved by the bell and Beverly Hills 90210. Thank you very much.
Whenever they come out with their secret to someone, it is more like a racial difference, "mom, I am actually an alien, as is max and his baby." (Which seemed more like that they are Hispanic Muslims) isn't their any gravity in being an alien left? That is why ET never came back to make an authorized sequel trilogy. even when max gives up the baby so he could lead a normal life away from all this mess, the only parallel I could draw was with he being a ghetto superstar and his son/daughter growing up to become a crackwhore/dealer.
Now Max and her old flame (both half human) have a baby which is fully human. Michael says, "Pure genetics. 1/2 + 1/2 =1". Ok so what? We are humans to the power of 1028 or what? Does this serial has any brains or is just there to infuriate me?
More about the alien stuff. Max has a GF (who is btw very cute) and his sister is married. And they have very normal and 'satisfying' sexual relations as it seems because there was no issues of infertility and the likes before the marriage which would have yielded problems. it would very interesting if they devoted at least 1 episode to tell us exactly what parts of a human system (I remember skeletal, endocrinal, digestive, central nervous, reproductive, respiratory and some others) are human and which one are not.
so that leaves us with the mental make-up. If all the powers are being streamed from their brain, I think that is still alien. As their memory also records all which has happened as aliens as well as humans, more proof that their brains have alien capabilities. So why all the teenage stuff? I mean they have undergone some serious shit and can't have the maturity levels of teenagers.

There are so many loose ends; constant viewing would have helped me point out some more. But this is it. I wouldn't have any problems if Max's current GF and ex-GF would have made out till 3rd base instead of blowing herself up. Well, this doesn't work for me. I hope very well for people who do watch it.

movies that i saw '03

2004-01-23T09:48:00.000-08:00

Listening to: motion picture soundtrack - the future freaks me out

One of my activities had to go up on the altar for sacrifice and make enough time for other pending activities and my movie viewing habit has died out. I am not sure if that is the sole reason. It may also be one of things I got saturated of. This includes quick-make noodles, McDonalds, an onion with each meal and glucose supplements in orange flavor which I started having in my jaundice phase.

Anyway, I have decided to put up a list of movies I saw in the last some months considering there have been no new additions in the past month. So this is safely the definitive list of movies I saw in 2003, mostly on TV. No reviews, just some words in front of really bad movies. It wouldn't hurt if you could comment on anyone of the movies. Will give other people a good idea of what to rent and which one to miss.

Legend
b - Bad

- Matrix
- Somebody like you (b) : I thought Ashley Judd in panties would be a good idea. Bad choice.
- Out of sight
- The core (b) : can it be more anymore stereotypical?
- Matrix reloaded
- Dil chahta hai (Indian)
- Suraj ka satvan ghoda (Indian art flick. highly recommended)
- The wedding planner (b)
- Psycho '98 : still scary
- Ginger snaps : the only good horror flick apart from 'the ring' and other Japanese movies.
- bend it like beckham
- The haunting (b)
- mimic (b)
- Cocktail : better than risky business
- Bruce almighty (b)
- As good as it gets : nice
- Strange days
- playing Mona Lisa : some great acid sequences
- The big hit : the best adaptation of pure hongkong action flicks to a Hollywood environment. Hilarious
- Sugar and spice : black comedy. Indeed
- drop dead gorgeous (b)
- save the last dance : the mtv production pisses me off but nice moves.
- French kiss
- High fidelity : this ROCKS
- When Harry met sally : what? I watch romance. No big deal
- Blair witch project 2_book of shadows (b) : rape. Very gross
- Silence of the lambs : finally I get to watch it. Still scary. Too much
- Little Nicky
- Airheads : another great hair metal flick with guest lemmy from motorhead. God is here
- Jossy and the pussycats (b) : why? A travesty of time and space.
- Memento DVD (movie of the year) : this shit is good on DVD. You HAVE to watch it.
- Midnight in the garden of good and evil : strange movie with 2 of my favorite actors
- 28 days (b)
- Clueless : the soundtrack rocks
- Everybody says I am fine (Indian)
- American beauty : I can see the movie over and over and still love it till I grow out of teens.
- Undercover brother : SOLID!!!!
- Fast times at Richmond high : Cameron Crowe classic. Also one of the best nude shots ever
- Girl interrupted : Ryder and jolie kiss and everything is great
- Along came a spider
- 12 monkeys : was this a French production? A good SF flick.
- finding Forrester : unrealistic but nice
- Loser (b): why? Why?
- Rosemary's baby : one of the earlier Roman Polanski flicks. The ending. Chills down my neck
- Shallow Hal (b) : what happened to the farrelly brothers?
- keeping the faith : Jenna elfman is hot. As is Edward Norton
- Cruel intentions (b): bad flick. Good sex and kisses. Bad ending
- Three kings : this rocks or what? Amazing.
- O brother, where art thou? : The Coen Brothers rock too. And that soundtrack is ethereal.
- East is east
- Frequency
- The negotiator
- The graduate : now I understand Wayne's world 2 and a Simpsons episode from the 5th season
- 15 minutes
- Risky business
- Bicentennial man : more sentimental than Asimov intended
- Dr. no : the 1st and best James bond flick
- Hannibal : they changed the ending from the novel. Damn mofos
- The thing : classic Carpenter. Isolation, paranoia and the best animatronics.
- If only, the man with rain in his shoes : nice British love story with Penelope Cruz.
- The tenant : the other Roman Polanski. Even more terrifying.
- A.I : this was good. I don't why people didn't like it
- Serendipity (b): only because of Cusack. I love this guy.
- run Lola run : techno makes a comeback. This is one tripping music video
- Payback
- Everyone says I love you : woody Allen is my new favorite director
- Dinner with friends
- The best man (b): this movie fails at being a black flick.
- Wayne's world 2
- Sleepless in Seattle : love it. Like serendipity, the couple doesn't meet for the major length of the movie.
- The cider house rules
- Jackie brown : my first Tarantino flick
- Full frontal : nice. Duchonvy was the best
- dancing in September
- Frankie and Johnny : I hunted down the piano tune. 'Claire de lune' Debussy
- Three to tango : Perry deserves better
- Clear and present danger
- True lies
- Ringu (the ring)
- Erin bronkovich
- Unbreakable : shymalam's much ignored flick. It is actually good.
- Ring 0_birthday : after memento, my favorite drama flick.
- screwed (b): why do the SNL cast have such mediocre careers in movies?
- Ace Ventura: pet detective
- Sweet November (b): really really worthless. And anachronistic
- My big fat Greek wedding
- Naked gun 2 1/2 - the smell of fear : and I thought hot shots was the epitome of slapstick
- Joy ride : a worthy movie in the slasher suspense genre.
- Jerry Maguire : is this really Cameron Crowe's work?
- The gingerbread man
- Final destination : 'into the void' - NIN
- American pie 2 (b)
- Monkey bone : another ignored movie. The sheer scale of imagination. w00t!
- Zoolander : I can't get enough of shitty punny comedy.
- Miquad alley : Mexican art flick. Salma Hayek hotter than ever as a crackwhore. Wow
- Getting personal : bad movie which I really like for no reason.

i met someone

2004-01-21T10:03:00.000-08:00

Listening to: the Weakerthans - Reconstruction Site

Relax, this is not another teen love story. Well, I originally planned to play a pun of sorts and tell you that I finally found a guy in this armpit of a city that I live in. I know him from school and it is such a relief to have someone to discuss your studies with. But as it turns out, fate somehow knows all my plans beforehand.

Here I was after a 3 hour practice test. This regimen has slowly got my confidence improving everyday. I believe I can do better and better everyday. So anyway, I came out of the exam hall and went to the nearest traffic junction. This intersection is pretty busy and has 3 main shopping areas on each side. There is a guy who runs a restaurant and a bar and a fast food joint in the same mall overlooking this busy square. I had planned to check out its fast food joint, (bar and restaurant covered, thank you) a very textbook case. It had the usual Sino-Manchurian cuisine (basically the Punjabi versions of chowmein and other mutilated specials), a south Indian list (how I hate coconut) and McBurger imitations. Its got big wide glass panes to see the real life action muted on the streets and something caught my eye. A foreigner sitting alone. That too a girl.

you have to understand why I was so shocked. If you check up on lonely planet's India guide, the first sentence in this state's entry is 'a corrupt wasteland. Go at your own risk.' or something to that effect.

So I ganged up all the xenophobic elements of society who were anyway leering at the 'phirangi' (all girls are extinct in this city as they are soon going to be all over India very aptly picturized in a new indie movie) and marched to throw her out of the city. Hehe. Actually, I went to have a burger as I had planned. A short side note on the food. It was actually good. The served it in a very nice style and it was really big. I had specifically asked them to keep cheese out of the equation and they had complied. Also they had put a sauce I last remember from the time it was liberally doused all over pork ribs in TGIF.

I had my priorities right. So after eating I went up to her. She was an Israeli (good thing rannoush is not here) and had detoured here after spending three months over at Andaman and Nicobar islands. She took a boat or something and landed up in Calcutta after 3 days. Here's the funny part. Instead of going straight to Mumbai from there, she had to renew here VISA or something and for that she had to go to the border. The nearest one was the Nepal border. So finally here hopscotch and skipping sessions came into use and one idiotic government ritual later, this was the closest 'big' city. Waiting for the train in the night, I had caught up with her.

Instead of my usual habits, I am not going to overanalyze this meeting and take every last bit of fun out of it. Suffice to say that this chance encounter was timed well. I am almost at my breaking limit. This whole intentional celibacy has started affecting me know. Staying cut off from my friends and the world in general in real life (I had one too before this PC swallowed it) was affective in making me study but now, its become like a prison. A good one with heating and nice food. But still a prison. It felt so good to talk to someone the same wavelength again. We talked about Israeli trance scene, the freedom of girls and some other things.

It is still surreal to meet washed up people in this place. But I hope more people are mislead to my city.

gamerlog IV : with new PC pix

2004-01-10T11:07:00.000-08:00

to my favorite part. gamelog!!! so i have picked up 2 games to start gaming again and thats after trying quite a few to work. the first one is Blood Omen 2. this is what scares people away. this is like the gaming equivalent of relic hunter. a B grade Tomb raider. this is like the bible of bad adevnture games. a really bad combat system which is slow i guess the mouse running around must be laughing at us slowhands. the explanations are ridiculous. they might as well have invented electricity in this mediveial world instead of operating doors through some weird glyph magic. and the puzzles may be nice with the levers for a box in a room situated somewhere else but which town planner has such a convulted sense of architecture? the only reason i am still sticking to it is because i have started it. so here's a warning. do not start playing this game even if your choices are limited to ET on the atari and this.

the other game is the best i have played since IGI. its called freedom fighters. this game is so awesome, for the first time in my gaming life i am actually using teamplay. i am not into squad 3rd person shooters like hidden and dangerous but this game just blows everything else. shortly, its set in a alternate history where the soiet union never collapsed and actually went from strength to strength capturing South America. the game starts when a invasion of US takes place. all you 'get your war on' people, check this game out. maybe i am looking too deep into a game but the similarities between the current occupation in iraq and the war in the game is too good to miss. the newscasts which the government sanitates to show everything is all right (and the hilarious headlines scrolling in the bottom are not to be missed). the game wants you to do things to get charisma points and thus quantifies the repsect you have in the undergournd rebellion and the amount of troops you can carry. the gameplay just blows everything else into dust. this is like the best 3rd person shooter next to Max Payne that i have got my hands on. changing a city into a war zone is done quite well. enemy troops' AI is probably the best i have encountered. or maybe it is the increased difficulty setting i have resolved to play on. the level design is not entirely linear and gives you a set of areas interconnected to form a mission which you have to go back and forth. the rebel base in the sewers is so fucking awesome, you have to see it to believe it. i can keep going on and on but i guess you get the idea. this is what my 'brand new PC' is made for. get this game, double time.

also check out the following pix of my new PC. they are a bit low quality ones shot in posthaste with a bad webcam but i guess the coolness gets across.

gushing for the black mama

2004-01-10T09:45:00.000-08:00

Listening to: Unearth - endless

strange days indeed. the start of the year makes me feel better about music then last year. i just hope it turns out to be better too. 2003 was definitely the year nu-metal died a slow excrutiating painful death. i am not sure if i am weeping for it for only a few bands of this much hated genre sound good in this short period of aging. on the opposite side, due to the internet (and this is where its actual benefits come into spotlight) i am now listening to every good band in the underground harcore/emocore scene and a handful of indie music too.theundergroundscene.net proclaims the aforementioned band to be big in the next year.

even more weirdness has engrossed me in the past few days. currently my life has only 4 activites - studies, TV, sleeping/eating and other neccessary bodily functions which should be bunkable and the PC. my "brand new PC". mmmmmmmmm... *drool*. in a quick succesion of what may seem like co-incidences but what my grandmom ardently believes to be god's will being enacted so that i would study, cable TV went down. the cable operators (each handling a local colony/residential area as a monopoly) went on strike to get taxes down (update : they yielded today to show free news channel and their ilk). more importantly, i did not feel the loss of a 6 hour ordeal as it had become. i had almost reached saturation point watching so many serials documented elsewhere here. simulataneously, my ISP's cross-atlantic connection went down. so i had enough time now to study and on 1 day, i completed my maths part syllabus (i so hate co-ordinate geomtrical interpretation of complex numbers). devoid of anything else to do, this could have been the ultimate nightmare. it was saved by my "brand new PC" and also helped quickstart my gaming schedule again.

so i have now devoted an entire partition to games. it hasn't been so easy. as said in the earlier post, XP has been giving me a lot of problems. more of them are asociated with the ancient graphics drivers bundled along with VIA's motherboard. the infamous S3 ProSavage DDR for its hardware TNL support, theoretically. but i have made my peace. i went online to read XP startup tweaks over at ArsTechnica and 3D spotlight and - hold your breath windoze ppl - got the startup down to 35 seconds from the moment i switch on my "brand new PC" to a fully functional desktop. the XP loading bar doesn't even hang around for half an iteration. a lot of services were stopped mostly. i even updated S3's drivers but to no avail for games already giving me a problem. so i got HALO: combat evolved for pc and installed that along with DX9.0b. it refused to start telling me to increase my RAM (in the works. probably will get another 128 this week or next) and then telling me that the video card was known to have problems. arghhh! anyway, i got it started in safe mode but committing such an atrocity to what is a purely graphics based games is not in my blood. then there are those 3 CD games. its a really strange thing. i have tried out 3 games of 3 CDs each - return of the king, hulk and simpsons. all of their installation's work very well but when its time to rea the 2nd CD, they just fail. and no, all of them do work as tested on my earlier system and other people's PCs too. strange, ain't it?

not that i haven't worked on my own. go over to www.tommti-systems.de/ to get a 3d analyzer thingy which takes any exe of a game, and then provides all the options to starting it. the reason of its immmense utility, especially in the SE Asia market considering the popularity enjoyed by VIA motherboards is that it has a hardware TNL emulator. basically it makes the game think its working on TNL Graphics card and has thus allowed me to play spiderman now, although i am not really sure if it was worth the effort. the other software i finally get to work on is samurize.com. its like a god send application for power users. it basically utilizes low level programming of the VB sorts, really initutive and creates a combined display of motherboard temperatures, your mail status, teoti feeds to any thing under the world in a 'litestepy' kind of shell thingy. you have to check it out just for the immense coolness.

a new PC !

2004-01-09T11:31:00.000-08:00

listening to: Between the Buried and me - Mordecai

damn this weather. who would have expected that my city situated in the northern plains and far from the extreme temperatures of central india is now the coldest place in india. it shifts from 15 degrees to 4 degrees in the night. all i can think is of the next test i have to give at 8 am. i know my hands will freeze and stop working and that will be the fruit of my toil and labor currently in progress.

right now is a time to be happy. suddenly i had this idea last tuesday to get my PC upgraded. it would have been a fantasy to put it in practise cuz my grandmom would have not allowed anything new to distract me from my main aim and function in life - studies. surprisingly, there was no opposition. now my earlier PC was bought in 2000 and now three years old, i had only got the RAM increased. so that explains my semi-retro interest in gaming picking up good ones from 3-5 years ago. inquiries into the market for a top of the line graphics card were disapointing. turns out i810 only supported cards uptill 2x and even the low end ones now work on 4x and upwards. plan A cancelled. a friend suggested for a complete upgrade in a giveback scheme. and by saturday, i had bought myself a new one.

now the old one was a P3 550 with 192 MB ram and 20 GB HDD. so i paid some 15000 bucks (thats approx 375 $) and i got a P4 1.8 Ghz with 128 Mb DDR-RAM and 40 GB HDD. as the pics will illustrate, i also got a cool cabinet (although my grandmom thinks its a bit garish) and everything else in black too. oh and not to forget a optical mouse. i have kept my old philips speakers. they are mroe trustworthy than any of the shit out there.

the problem is that its got XP loaded. now i have worked on it but for the past 5 years or so, windows 98 has sort of dominated everything else. plus this whole new side of windows imported from NT isn't exactly helping. there is some really weird shit going on here. last night, i was online for around 20 mins and then suddenly the system tells me it has to shut down because Remote Procedure Call has some error or something. a WTF and 85 seconds later,(boot-up in 25 seconds. hehe) i went into the services administration thingy and set the error control right. plus a lot of programs just want to go on the internet by themselves. good thing they ask me first. or i think XP reports every request. whatever the case may be, i had to shut down windows update, windows messenger, WMP liscensing and a lot of other things just so to get things in control. it will take me some time to get used to XP but i think this bronco may not be all that wild.

lets review the performance too. my friend was telling me about the virtues of DDR ram. if you haven't heard, its got aggestible Video memory. you can change the amount of memory to use (in flavors of 8, 16 and 32) for video from the BIOS. still, i was a bit apprehensive as it was less than what i had earlier. all the programs are running better. long documents in opera7 and acrobat reader took time to scroll earlier and if they had photos, good luck. all of that has smoothed out. i installed the dialer of the ISP before setting up the modem and it took a serial connection instead. wonder, wonder.... anyway, i installed the games i was dying to play on a better system and that is where the disappointment sunk in. IGI 2 and Postal 2 were 2 of them and both have miserably failed here. IGI2's face models have become very intresting what with the ears being stretched to the face an all the text seems like klungon. Postal 2 refuses to work at a better pace but will co-operate when you pee in someone's house. you can see that the performance and smoothness of the game has improved but loading times have gone down signifying the death of any speciality in DDR.

My new year revelation

2003-12-31T14:39:00.000-08:00

i am now convinced that america is a terorist state. i finally had the opportunity to go through some Chomsky texts, the unabomber's manifesto and other selected works.

by now, some of u have made their minds on me as another anarchist freak. its easy to make generalizations but i implore everyone to go through the links which have brought me to this conclusion. click here to read some of chomsky's works.. i am posting some extracts too.

When a state is committed to such policies, it must somehow find a way to divert the population, to keep them from seeing what's happening around them. There are not many ways to do this. The standard ones are to inspire fear of terrible enemies about to overwhelm us, and awe for our grand leaders who rescue us from disaster in the nick of time.

That has been the pattern right through the 1980s, requiring no little ingenuity as the standard device, the Soviet threat, became harder to take seriously. So the threat to our existence has been Qaddafi and his hordes of international terrorists, Grenada and its ominous air base, Sandinistas marching on Texas, Hispanic narcotraffickers led by the arch-maniac Noriega, and crazed Arabs generally. Most recently it's Saddam Hussein, after he committed his sole crime — the crime of disobedience — in August 1990. It has become more necessary to recognize what has always been true: that the prime enemy is the Third World, which threatens to get "out of control."
____________________________

The close correlation between the drug racket and international terrorism (sometimes called "counterinsurgency", "low intensity conflict" or some other euphemism) is not surprising. Clandestine operations need plenty of money, which should be undetectable. And they need criminal operatives as well. The rest follows.

____________________________

(the strange part is that one of my friends told me to watch 'the tailor of panama' and see the similarities as to how you can create a war, referring to the current Iraq invasion)

And yet, when Noriega was finally indicted in Miami in 1988, all the charges except one were related to activities that took place before 1984 — back when he was our boy, helping with the US war against Nicaragua, stealing elections with US approval and generally serving US interests satisfactorily. It had nothing to do with suddenly discovering that he was a gangster and a drug-peddler — that was known all along.

It's all quite predictable, as study after study shows. A brutal tyrant crosses the line from admirable friend to "villain" and "scum" when he commits the crime of independence. One common mistake is to go beyond robbing the poor — which is just fine — and to start interfering with the privileged, eliciting opposition from business leaders.

By the mid 1980s, Noriega was guilty of these crimes. Among other things, he seems to have been dragging his feet about helping the US in the contra war. His independence also threatened our interests in the Panama Canal. On January 1, 1990, most of the administration of the Canal was due to go over to Panama — in the year 2000, it goes completely to them. We had to make sure that Panama was in the hands of people we could control before that date.

secondly i went through the unanbomber's manifesto. this doesn't exactly fall in the evidence category but it is a nice read. for ignorants, the unabomber was a prodigy in maths and music who went on to become a professor and then left the whole western civilization thing to reside in a shack in wilderness without water and electricity. from there, he sent out mailbombs to leading scientists for the next 17 years killing 2, disfiguring and maiming a lot and even stopping the airlines in 1995 with a bomb scare. he promised to stop this after his manifesto would be published in the papers. the washington post and the new york times took the responsibility and his brother identified him by his style of writing. as is widely quoted, his conditions in jail were better than how he was living by himself in the shack.

the reason he did all this was basically what is called these days as being a 'luddite'. he was opposed to technological growth at such a fast pace that society could not handle it responisibily. genetic research and nanotechnology is heading us down a road where atomic, chemical and bio warfare seems as lam3 as kevin mitnick would have been after years of being internet deprived.

i am not saying that his means justified his ends. what he did was wrong. he had no other way of getting his message across. as i have pointed out again and again, more relevant than Orwell is Aldous Huxley these days. the 'brave new world' scenario is here. in this sea of uselss information, everything is trivia and people have to go extraordinary lengths to excite and inform passively free public at large.

in an ironic twist, i did discover the unabomber in a big web of usless writings.
click here for the manifesto and
click here for the complete information on the trials and the timeline of the unabomber.

after a long time, i went through a decent thriller. John FX Sunderman's 'act of the apostles' is available online and is by far, one of the best books i have read. this is not related directly to the american condemantion but yes, all these have influenced me in to believing that nano and genetic warfare is indeed coming and is very close.

click here for the author's website/blog and
click here for the wired article which started this all.

and now for the clincher. a guy named john titor poped up on a forum in nov 2000 and kept posting till march 2001. he claimed that he was a guy from 2036 and had come back to get a old IBM computer. he then went on to discuss his life and other issues till march.

what convinced me that he was the real deal was his demenaor. there was no wild posts decrying everyone, there was no propaganda, and no trolling. he was not forcing anyone to believe him. he was not making predictions. if anyone had a bone with him and responded like normal trollz, he did not respond. he did not want anyone to believe him. but he answered to questions very lucidly and on asking even posted xeroxs of the instruction manual and photos of the timetravelling device.

he described a very different world in 2036. he stated the existence of multiverses which enable the functioning of the time travelling device. america was to go into a civil war by 2008 and existence of a police state would seem apparent by 2005. over 3 billion people would be wiped out in the ensuing chaos. bear in mind that when he posted this, 9/11 did not happen and all of this would seem a load of crap opposed to now when it is a reality. he also made some side comments on china launching a man into orbit and how mad cow disease would be the main scrouge.

its always bad to believe such anonymous people. but the proof would start coming by 2005 and well, due to multiple universes, it is possible for us to chnage the predicted outcome. but as such this new year is foreboding disaster and i would request all indians to probably return now that all the jobs have been shifted to gurgaon from silicon valley, san fransisco.

click here for the complete posts and info on john titor.

2003-12-27T10:54:00.000-08:00

update. i just got 3 new games today :-
1. shadow of destiny - a almost anime but set in some european town graphical adventure. it even has dated graphics but the story is good enough to go on. damn those konami guys. well the story is that u r sent back in time by about an hour so u can avert ur death. as cheesy as it sounds, its really good.
the other two are simpsons -hit and run which needs no introduction. the best game i have played this year. although i have to find the no-cd crack tonight. the last one is chasers. i have no info on this one. anyone knows?

go check out gamespot right now. they r rounding up the best games of the years, and are also giving some dubious awards as well as rounding up the news.

musiclog

2003-12-22T09:41:00.000-08:00

Listening to: Guttermouth - Gorgeous

I have radically changed my musical gears in the past few months. My interest in nu-metal and rap music has gone from stellar proportions to a complete zero. Suddenly, the whole locking-into-a-groove thingy is a thing of a past and that too synchronized with the music industry. Over the past half a year or so, every music magazine and website worth its underground fan base has derided nu-metal from its mantle and replaced it with emo. Punk bands with emo influences like Finch, the used, and even that spitefully bad simple plan have these amazing 'straight from the heart' deliveries. Its a bit too much to handle so many broken hearts at one go. I am wondering if feminists consider eminem still misogynist.

A lot of these trends seem to be simply the corporatization of music and the genrefication thereof. It seems a bit too much to me that the same bands can go years playing the same music. I don't know about others but I would definitely get bored of playing the same 100 times over or so without changing it even by a beat. I hear Bob Dylan used to perform a song differently every time according to his mood. On the opposite side, what about Linkin Park who may have crossed over to pop mainstream but still perform like a rock band. They are not like a rock band in the purist sense considering their habits of recording separately and then mixing into one fine tuned song. I thought bands used to jam together and well, their overproduced music is hard to reproduce live too.

The most interesting thing to notice is modern rock. People like nickelback, etc are popular no matter what trend is catching on or going away.

But this is not about LP. This is about a more general thought taking this country and its scene for example. We don't have the same social conditions (dysfunctional families and alienation in abundance on a middle class level) so it is still as hard to identify with a song from staind, as it was earlier with hair metal shittiness. This is a big reason why there is no punk/hardcore scene in India while metal goes from strength to strength. English music has filtered here in broadly two categories in urban India. One category contains all music popularized by Mtv and [v]. This also contains music passed from a social order quite established in schools and colleges and encompasses all pop and quite a bit of rock. The second category contains hardcore listeners who ferret out all the good stuff (hehe, I am home). This contains all kind of Extreme metal to jazz and whatever lies in between.

Also the general attitude to music can explain a lot of things. The majority of Indian music is passive and reflective intent on distilling life into memorable lyrics. Vocals are important and instruments are just supportive. This vocal predominance I suppose comes from classical music. Orchestra and a lot of instrumentation was introduced very late in the movie scene

Where most of the music still comes from. The Indian pop scene is one endless list of band remixes and bhangra newbies. Every time there is a good yield of crop, some new bhangra stars appear on the scene. Not that I have missed rap music's newfound fascination for Indian sounds. Damn niggas. I just hope it doesn't become a novelty act and goes on to become a whole movement like reggae.

By music directors. Western pop/rock music is a lot more active and punk can be cheesily rhetorical. Case in point, 'fuck the authority' by pennywise. Nowadays, I see a lot of movie music trying to take the active route but somebody should stop before they embarrass themselves completely.

So its pretty strange that I am right now listening to a lot of hardcore and emo. Let me use Dillinger Escape Plan's explanation for this. While listening to nu-metal and their brethren, I could never get the personal vibe. It never seemed heartfelt. It was more like a frat rock party. And well, face it. Limpbizkit is pretty nice to bounce to. But in all these metal sub genres, the energy seems pretty contrived. You can paint your face and do elaborate rituals. You can be a Goth, black or death metal enthusiast but it always seems more to shock and to impress with skills then a song to be remembered. Like DEP says, hardcore has an air of honest energy around it. That is what made me do the transition with nu-metal bordering hardcore bands like nonpoint to a whole lot of underground music. Also their disregard for traditional song structures and excessively long pauses. Along with them, I am now deep into a bed of cheeky, in-your-face punk and 3rd wave ska revivalists. Vandals, guttermouth, mad caddies, voodoo glow skulls, and a lot of others.

A short note on the dance scene. It is right now on a peak I suppose away from the ignorant eyes of the government. In and around goa and Bombay, the trance scene is very hot and almost synonymous with drugs.

phone woes

2003-12-18T10:57:00.002-08:00

Listening to: The Strokes - Is this it?

Sometimes I wonder if phone lines and electricity are all I have to rant about. Due to said timeouts, all entries are written some days before then their actual posting date. Then again, I don't think I will ever take the time to sit down and start writing if not for breaks.

This time its my phone line. Tomorrow is going to be the 4th day without contact and the same routine has been followed. Phase I: things start to be really good. This time, it was TEOTI's new server and my renewed vow to be more regular on it. Finally the cable guy fixed transmission problems and I was getting very clear signals giving me incentive to sleep early. What happened earlier was that the national TV signal would overlap with their Tower being right over my house. So the only good watching time was 12 am to 6 am. (If I was lucky, mom would switch on her TV and then magically all cross-cultural clashes between American sitcoms and programmes targeting Indian farmers would recede) now I can catch repeats in the morning and thus have more time in the night to surf to my luxury. I had just recharged my time for another 200 hours with another 100 hours free. Add to that free surfing from 11 pm to 8 am. W00t!

Thats when phase II enters when a part of basic infrastructure gives away thus prolonging my wait for the good times for a week or so. And the crankiness residing deep inside me surfaces. I get lazy, my schedule goes haywire, and the need to study vanishes. If the situation is not rectified in 3-4 days, I enter phase III. A deep funk transcends day and time and lingers over me. This is when activity becomes a motion and all thought and brain processes are given up. No amount of idiocy stimulates me. Specially idiocy because other human events or activities don't happen in my home.

I ended phase II with one last effort. I traveled the whole length from my house to the Exchange (local hub of telephones in LAN terms). There were mechanics working midway. It seems a lot of telephone connections are down and a general overhaul was in progress. They asked me to get a particular number rating a dependency from the Exchange, which they refused stating that such information was out of bounds for subscribers. Mutherfuckers. Don't want to do their job and go home early. Anyway, I just gave up hope and came back home and converted to Christianity so that I could pray to Jesus or any other saint who takes electricity under its wings, this being the only religion officially and seriously taking miracles as evidence for canonification.

Ok I made up the last statement. But a very interesting thing happened to the phone when it was still sputtering. I sat down in the night with all preparation for surfing time (and believe me, its more elaborate than a dishonored samurai doing the whole dance before his disemboweling ritual). First thing I noticed was the excessive voltage in the dialtone which was looping in half sine waves reaching the peak and then crashing to initial value instead of a gradual descent. On pressing any number, this Nepali/North-Eastern (definitely Mongoloid) voice would leap up to tell me that I should try later. It rectified late night automatically but I am still suspicious. What do you guys think?

grandma's funeral pt. II

2003-12-18T10:57:00.001-08:00

Listening to: Anti Flag - Die for the government

Thankfully the funeral proceedings are over now. When I last left you, I still had to go to my grandfather's place for the function. Running late because my other grandma was held up - very predictably - in a train from Delhi, we left anyway. Its strange how granddad can be so angry but still not be physical about it. His eyes seem have to have the sole function of emoting for him now that he is almost 80% blind.

To make it clear, this is my mom's mother who has died. My mom has 2 brothers and the eldest one took part in all the rituals. He had been sitting from 6 am when it is still dark (the only sign that winters is here. I am still in my t-shirts and things will only get hotter from here. damn!) performing 'pooja' with the priest and when I arrived at 3 pm he was wrapping up. This particular part is called the 'pagdi' (turban) ritual where the turban is wrapped around the eldest son's head signifying his succession to the head of the family. The priest tells him his responsibilities putting in anecdotes from ancient times and invocates the required gods (from a race of 330 million) to bless him.

People don't suddenly start praying and chanting on the 13th day. The whole family has been involved and making preparations for some time before it. Relatives who haven't migrated to cities come from our family village. According to traditions, enough stuff to build a home has been handed out to random people from the priest caste for the past 3 days. And no, microwaves are still not in vogue. On this particular day, tents are set up and free meals are also met out to the poor lot. Family and friends are also invited. Tradition requires them to bring along some money and 'dhoti', a piece of cloth wrapped around the waist and a favorite of Indian Politicians. Don't bother with the style of wearing it considering the amount of regional variations.

Trying to appease my grandfather into forgiving me, I started helping out as soon as I reached there. Lunch had to be laid out for the undernourished lot who had come for the free meal (they had some tricks up their sleeve too). The plates are basically banana leaves (or whichever plant is cheap and sturdy in the region) folded into shape. So after serving around 50 people, I stood back to see my fruit of labor. Goddamn those bastards. They took out pieces of cloth seemingly out of nowhere and skillfully put the food in it folded with plates without spilling one drop. At least you have to give them points for dexterity.

You could never gauge that this was a funeral people were attending. They are always happy to meet other friends and relatives that have been out of contact for a couple of years. Kids are tortured again and again as an endless stream of aunties exclaim out too loud about their size. Yes lady, your kids are not the only one allowed to grow. The hosts are always worrying and constantly managing the whole circus. And in all this, the outpouring of grief is missing although I am not sure anymore if it is important too in such a happy gathering.

So I met a lot of people too. My mom's brother's wife's dad was pretty interesting, the sort of old guard who have seen and done enough. I always feel this strange feeling of contentment around them. A relaxed peace with the surroundings. Anyway, my mom's brother's wife's dad is from a different region and they have different traditions altogether. So he was telling me about their side. In big cities like the capital this whole function happens on the 4th day. People shortening and compressing such occasions to fit into their fast paced lives does not particularly impress me. Why the facade? Just give up the whole thing and electrically cremate. Get on with your life. And like all elders in this country, he has his own theory on the nation.

theory on constitution #7219: THE ELITIST VOTE
The biggest mistake in forming this country was made by Nehru at the time of our independence. He wanted to be prime minister/president and thus divided the nation for Jinnah to get a Muslim Pakistan. But the bigger blooper was giving one man one vote. According to my mom's brother's wife's dad, it would have been better to keep a minimum literate level for voting. The reason being that we have been slaves for a lot of time. For over 300 years we have been ruled in turns by mughals, Britishers, and regional kings in between. We are the obeying lot and in 50 years, democracy and the necessary amount of maturity to go with it won't develop.

(Ed. - this may sound elitist but he is right about the slave mentality. a lot of people here are still not literate enough to think for themselves and others just don't)

And as usual, I met a girl. This is not such a safe city and women don't generally dare to get out all by themselves. So the only place to see good-looking females is at such family gatherings. So when I first saw her, I had to make sure she wasn't family (in a close sense). When I asked her, she told me she was poonam's (my mom's cousin sister) elder sister's daughter. Damn. Anyway we talked about her college and how she hated it. Thats when it hit me. She was my mom's older brother's wife's (who shared the same name) older sister's daughter. That is pretty safe territory.
The funny thing is I met her mom 13 days ago on the day my grandma died. She was talking to me about higher studies outside the city. They did not allow their daughter to pursue micro biotech at a college in Pune. So I placed it all together and had a good laugh. She showed me photos from her college's recent annual day function. Mmmm.... NICE.

I challenged myself to see if I returned home and still wanted to talk to her further. And well, I just don't see how to include her in a very comforting but busy life of TV, games and studies.

grandma's funeral pt. I

2003-12-18T10:57:00.000-08:00

Listening to: Madball - for my enemies

My grandma died 13 days ago.

I had promised to write something about it to myself and get it off my chest. But the procrastinator's creed that has now become my religion gave me enough reasons to postpone it.

Now seems to be a good time. My brother has gone to his school to submit his fees with my Dad who also has some work around that part of the city. He took an overnight bus from a village/mining location in the hilly parts of this state where he was transferred this year. The funny thing is I woke up when he tried to noiselessly get inside the house. My sleep disorders are still threatening my scheduled life. My other grandma hasn't arrived from Delhi as yet although her train has supposedly arrived here 3 hours ago. And after all of us converge, we intend to leave for the function today.

Hindu Funeral 101. My grandma died in the morning at around 10 am. She had gone into a coma 2 days ago and my granddad had called up to say that chances of recovery were not in the picture. Corpses undergo cremation although now a lot of people opt for electric cremation which is faster and more cost-effective.

A note on the abject poverty. I went for rafting 3 times on the rivers making up the biggest river of the nation - 'Ganga'. That is another story. Our point of interest here is that we saw floating dead dudes many times on the river. People believe spreading the ashes in the river causes the soul to be cleansed. What actually happens is that most people are too poor to burn off the body completely and take the other option. It isn't a lot of fun while bodysurfing in grade 1-2 rapids and discovering your mate isn't animated anymore.
On a side note, on of my friends convinced a group of English speaking-clueless rich types that a passing sadhu - ascetic - was an aghori (cannibalistic) and convinced them into handing out of some their possessions or they would be served for lunch. Hehe

Most of the cities are based on rivers and on parts of their beaches - designated 'ghats' - where people burn the bodies before 5 pm (or sunset). The sons of the dead shave their heads off after a funeral. It is usually the responsibility of the eldest to light the pyre. For a long time daughters weren't allowed to do it but it has taken some time and now is accepted widely except for the internal regions. After 13 days (today) a ritual is held where 5-6 hours of hymns, chanting and then serving the priest class takes place.

I know a lot of people are wondering about my sense of objectivity writing here. But spare me your psychobabble about denial and hear me out. This event finally allowed me to do one of the things on 'the list' - stuff I have to do before I die. I had a practice exam the same day my grandma died in the morning and when the institute called up to inquire, I was dying with glee to tell them, 'my grandma died!' yes. Finally, after boarding school where such a lie would have been an elaborate exercise for nothing, I got an opportunity. Now I have to convince the teacher that I am in love with him and spare me of the test/homework/whatever.

routine boredom

2003-12-09T12:09:00.000-08:00

Listening to: Lacuna Coil - Swamped

These are particularly bad days. Since I have come back to home, I have had an emotional graph like a dead man's ECG. And nothing in comparison to those Hindi TV soap operas where the graph charts out the Himalayas and every other scene is another delight for the guy on the synthesizer, ready to tweak out bad sound effects enforcing the seriousness of the scene. Not to forget the humble contributions of the great cameraman zooming in on the badly made up noses of the actors straight from the 70s action movie school.

Its been one big predictable cycle of endless studies and TV and PC. And its slowly taking my patience away. I believed in myself and thought I could handle a year of solitude but it is straining all my calm. Not that it is not comfortable. But comfort breeds complacency and I haven't done anything new in the last some months which matter to me. Especially after the roller coaster ride of last year. And suspiciously, the emirates airlines have started airing this ad with the punchline,
"When was the last time you did something for the first time?" feels very personal whatever you say.

Every season change I get this allergic reactions beating down on me for 2-3 days. Lucky Britons. It is so nasty. Now that winter is officially here, it has been literally rubbed in my face. How I hate these days or running noses (I wonder how cocaine users endure it lifelong), heavy heads telling me to sleep on any warm surface I can find and rapid fire sneezes. To say nothing of your folks who are ready to get unnerved at a slight hint and make you feel even more like an invalid. On top of that, I have stopped playing games cause I am behind in schedule in studies and not willing to give up TV. So now I am way behind in studies and it eats you up every day. Not that the situation seems to improve any time in the near future considering a trip to Bombay for an overdue knee surgery. That will take another 10 days of my life.

By the way, I finished and started playing Postmortem which is an excellent game to be recommended. But as I have pointed out earlier, I am currently out of time to continue it. Arghhh! Reflection makes this even harder. I can't see what I am doing here.

an abridged jap(f)an

2003-12-05T12:29:00.000-08:00

Listening to: a thorn for every heart - summer so bleak

I have an exam in 3 days and some how I have managed to get bored of a game so much that I am writing again. For the record, ONI is by far, the hardest game I have to come across. I had to cheat once and get some life back. This is a black spot for me and a very important one because I keep bugging my brother about the same habit. He has a bad attention problem and just starts using cheats from the get go in any game he starts playing. For some people that challenge is too much and there sole motivation for playing the game is fast entertainment. Just so that they could go through all those levels and start ranting again about emptiness. I have a habit of finishing a game and then going at it again with cheats and discovering Easter eggs etc. that's another bad thing about ONI. It is so unimaginably linear. There is no - absolutely no - replay value in it. No secrets, no hidden features. And forget about other difficulty settings. I heard about it on gamefaqs.com forums but you have to play it to realize the sheer amount of odds against this sole girl. Against this game, Max Payne and the rest seem like a shoe gazing concert gone acoustic. And in a sly reference to Payne, there was a dream sequence too. But the intrigue and family drama scales equal height as any other anime.

The other day I saw 'ring0: birthday' and its real good. A special mention from the long list of movies in these past months is necessary considering I am not really interested anymore. I have hit saturation point and it is all precipitating now. It gets documented here again that I am a born again horror fan. Especially of the Japanese variety. I still have to go through their culture in a separate post but more and more I am getting drawn into this weird overcrowded society. Its a real shame that there is no Japanese here at TEOTI. The original 'Ringu' wasn't so impressive and I think the American remake was a better version. But Ring 0 just blows everything out of contest. It is more of a drama then a supernatural thriller, the PC term these days. I just fell for Sadako. I don't remember the girl who played it but she rocked. And the doomed love with the sound guy. This was adapted from a short story and its a great adaptation. Setting the whole scene at a theatre group is genius. Probably for the rest of my life, every stage will remind me of the setting of the movie.

2003-11-23T11:30:00.000-08:00

it seems my dreams of being a regular writer have again been kept away for more serious stuff. more games.

i really have a deficit of hours in my daily schedule when i try to fit in TV, novels, studies, games and writing. so some of these thigns will have to be sacrificed. for the record, the new crop of games include postal 2, freedom fighters, soldiers of anarchy, post mortem, Baldur's gate II (this one is actually my brother's choice), cold zero, IGI 2 and oni.

so long from this world.

dull & dumber

2003-11-20T10:49:00.000-08:00

Listening to: Dashboard Confessional - The Places you have come to feel

Its been 5 days since the phone line has gone down taking the net access with it. Very conveniently timed, I must say. Just when I finished a massive game and part of a massive course and needed some time off. Some times I do feel that there is a greater hand at work here. Maybe the phone line and the electricity have a love-hate relationship with me. Why is it always that as soon as I sit down for my daily dose of sitcoms, I am blanketed in darkness, which is not at all comfortable considering winter is here maybe it is not in the extremely ordinary 0-5 degrees the first world is used to but us tropical people are very very uneasy in a time when the fart-causing-bacteria is not at ease in us. Its time I got over TV now that I am imagining a relationship with electricity. Scary.

A lot of people defend Discovery Channel, National Geographic and the ilk with the argument that they are informative. Somehow that makes up for something in the idiot box.

That is a good comment on today's music scene too. Its gotten so bad that even normal and even bad pop artists with guitars (read avril, and those busted guys) feel better than britney - whose latest song with Madonna puts everything else to shame. Come on. How many stabs at fame do you want? And why disrespect the music with it. You can be a pr0n star and be popular. And respected in music circles too. (Anybody remembers 'The Ballad of Chasy Lane'?)

I have a problem with that. That information is unwanted. The infotainment that they provide is not needed and is only there to spark our temporary interest. And information - however interesting but if still unwanted - is trivia. And I guess apart from Sean William Scott (hint: Dude where is my car? ostrich farm in the middle of America. that is by far the best teen comedy movie... EVER) no one has ever used that information. So my argument is that it is better to be entertained than to be informed from TV and remember its purpose.

That's why I even stopped reading newspapers. It would take one hour daily every day in the morning and gradually I started doing it for the sake of reading. Every parent encourages their kid to read the paper to be informed and improve their English (in our country). I reached the limit of 'improving' my English through papers. Realization stuck me that the information there was also just useless data. Trivial matters who became irrelevant in a day or two. And thus you missed nothing. I just read the editorial page for some time but it also turned to shit now. Or maybe its just me who is changing considering the papers' readership stays at par. and unlike chemistry, I don't suppose a dynamic equilibrium is at work here as a major factor with people leaving equaling people joining the readership.

Now I just read the comics every day. Nothing else is worth reading now. The lead paper here, timesofindia.com has become a self-serving entity. Every day at least half the news are about the parent company launching this channel and that radio FM service and economic conventions and strip bars. And they are shameless at that. They put comments underneath important articles. Hullo there? You are a goddamned reporter, not the judge. Let the public do that. We want news, not opinions and leading the people into something. The editorial page is there for whatever you think. They changed the whole paper into a color format. I have no absolutely qualms with that but when they highlighted passages in the editorial page (considering you can't do anything else in that region with color or photos or ads), they broke the proverbial hunchback and camel's cross-pollinated hump. I mean, WTF? Are we a kindergarten country or what? Not only that, they changed from 3 editorials a day about diverse issues (one of them being a little on the lighter side) to 1 editorial and 2 articles having opposing views on a issue. Again, WTF? Ambiguity had started to creep into them since the last Executive editor left (Dileep Padagaonkar. I personally liked the guy and his fortnightly columns) and this was the limits. They are not willing to take a stand in important issues and will generally moan about the conditions of government and society like a rape victim in the middle of the act and unsure about the enjoyment she is having is worth suing or not. Damn mutherfuckers. They resemble Rupert Murdoch's Newscorp more and more everyday who bend over backwards and become rightwing in each country, be that China or USA.

And they didn't stop at that. They spearheaded the creation for a tabloid environment here. Earlier there were no page 3 people, whatever that means. Just serious news. Now we have all these people having parties and being featured in pages. I don't see the whole point unless this is the upper class back patting among themselves and butt-licking and giving the rest of the country the opportunity to see them in the act. Their argument is that it motivates people to work for a better condition. I didn't know if they were serious or not but is this a better condition? People drinking and reaching for more and more coverage. I see the scene here increasingly reminding me of Orwell's 1920's post WWI England with class differences between workers and upper middle class. 40% of the population lives in cities and must be in the reach of English papers. The rest 60% wipe their Asses with such papers and then use water after shitting out in the open. Somehow middle class here in major cities has become a totally different country from the villages without electricity (in one of my friend's villages, the line went down in 1978 and hasn't returned yet. *chuckle*). It's like living in 4 centuries at once and I still have to decide whether it is good thing or not.

a doomed marriage

2003-11-18T09:41:00.000-08:00

Listening to: KMFDM: Megalomaniac

In this age of super-boredom, hyper-mediocrity. Celebrate relentlessness, menace to society

I caught the matrix bug a bit late. First time I saw the original 99 sleeper hit was on pirated videotape and it would be months before it would be released officially and the awws and oohs would start coming. 4 years later, its full impact has hit me. I started frequenting [url]matrixessays.blogspot.com[/url] regularly for more theories and even contributed some stuff I found on the net there. Thanks to HBO, which keeps repeating it every other day, thus denying me any scope of doubt within a margin of 3 to 4 days.
I am reading the bad reviews of 'Matrix Revolutions' and it seems to have stuck a chord of discontent far and wide. But I am pretty happy about it. I never expected it to answer important questions. That was for the fans to think for themselves. Sort of like 'the ring'.

I am going to watch 'Ring 0: Birthday' in an hour or so. HBO has some Japanese festival going on and may lord thank them for that. And also the Japanese for their weird stories. Go check out a lot of reviews for Japanese horror flicks, Indian 70s action movies, and various other Italian and Turkish crap at teleport-city.com. If there is an idol on the net for me, this guy is. He is so enjoying his life doing what he wants.

I liked 'Matrix: Reloaded'. If the first part was about raising questions on faith, then the second part was about choice and fate. As a self-proclaimed philosopher - he he - I expected them to raise questions and make us think, not to give the walkthrough. Providing me some real life excitement so I can tie up the questions raised by the movie with me, my grandma went into action. Although surreptiously because she knows I ridicule astrology and its brethren. Stocking me up with ammo on my assault on the believers around some months back was the editorial in the newspaper. A study

I hate these words. They keep doing such weird studies like how milk is bad for health and then how it is good as an anti-cancer thing that the whole point is lost in a million other worthless IgNobel efforts. Which rounds up another extremely important implication of matrix. Most people have been reminded again of Orwell's 1984 (Year of my birth, w00t!) by the movie. While they should be looking at another previous and totally more relevant effort by Aldous Huxley. 'Brave New World' lays out the exact very world of today where we have been so habituated into shocking news (and live war coverage which is worse than pr0n, however embedded they may be into silica in middle east) that everything becomes irrelevant and mediocrity takes prominence.

Conducted on time twins since 1962 (people born at the same time) till 2002 took place where every subject's life was monitored for 40 years and they found no important similarities in their life.

Not that I don't believe in all this at all. One day last year in those sleep-deprived hangover mornings I read the paper and my horoscope said, "You have been thinking about the question of life, universe and everything. (He he) and today you will get a hint." I was taken by surprise because I had been troubled for the last some days by it - alcohol can do this to you. And also turn males to female slowly according to Discovery Channel - and the horoscope was to the point. It was by a Shelly Von Strunckel and as was my habit, I went to her site some time later and I have to say this. Her prediction for the period July 03 - July 04 has been pretty accurate till now.

Anyway, my grandma recently went to the city where I was born. She went to the hospital and got the exact time (which is 1350 hrs btw). She got a priest on the job to make my 'TIPPANI'. It is an exact planet chart on my birth time which can be used thus for predicting my future and defining me as such. The main difference in Indian astrology and the western counterpart is that it takes Latitude/Longitude also in consideration. Now there is a point that may have some truth. These sadhus and temples have definitely gone hi-tech. I remember catching a Tibetan monk in Delhi with a Nokia Communicator. Now the computer does all my Birth Chart. Makes sense because it has so many enormous calculations, it would be the first software developed in India. The religious monomania here just kills me. So it has got some interesting things to say. It states an average financial life for me with occasional short-term problems - which is reassuring. That I am very jealous kind of guy, which is totally wrong. That I will have a bad 2003 in terms of health and is right this time with my bout of jaundice and other such discomforting diseases after a clean 9 years.

Here's the dope. It states that I had Mars in my first house or some such crap. Which means that Mars has a very strong affect on my life. This basically translates, "I can only get really intimate or marry a girl who is also similarly in deep shit with Mars.” Otherwise it can be fatal - written explicitly in the text, no warnings, no sugar coating. A plain line with no rituals to overturn it.

Ah! The vagaries of a pre-destined life! There goes my dream of moving to Lebanon for Rannoush. Damn.

american sitcom 101

2003-11-16T12:14:00.000-08:00

Listening to: Freelance Hellraiser - Ballad of a HellRaiser

TV has become this integral temporary part of my life. For the first time in my life, I am a bonafide couch potato deciding sleep patterns and changing eating times around TV. I am the invisible guy at my home that can only be seen when the electricity is gone and that is around 1 hour every day. And I love it right now although I know I can't continue like this for a lot of time in the immediate future. I wrote an article some time back about the serials I had just started watching. But come October, and the whole schedule changes. All seasons start around this month and yes, they are not the latest seasons from the US. Its time to list the seducers. Oh and a big thanks to tvtome.com for all the comprehensive references, the TVDB of the net.

It's important for you to know that there only 2 channels which aim for an audience looking for English programming. And one more - AXN - which has only Arnold and the teletubbies on air. Ok maybe not the teletubbies but they are as frightening as any of the 80s action movies. And they have a lot of bad serials typically American featuring a lot of home videos and reality TV.

'Everybody Loves Raymond'(ELR) and 'Dharma & Greg' shifted to weekly slots from the daily ones. Raymond is in Italy right now and Dharma and Greg ended. Season 5 & series finale happened some time ago. ELR was a particular favorite and it hasn't disappointed. In their place, 'just shoot me'(JSM) and 'home improvement' have started. Now I don't particularly like the latter which seems too 'full house' for me (running daily on another channel) but JSM rocks. Its got David Spade and is currently in the middle of season 3 where a lot of good action is coming from. Some really good references to Hitchcock and a good cast. But not everything is good. I saw 'lost & found', a movie with Spade in the romantic lead and well it is too disappointing to speak about. Carrying on are 'the simpsons' (which has become a religion. said many times, but one of the best shows on TV) and friends which is currently in season 6 or so. I know it is pretty crappy and it has become a soap opera but I have seen so many episodes now that I am going to watch it completely. But I swear if they do the Ross & Rachel thing again, somebody is going to get killed. And I noticed (as did Wayne Brady on Whose line is it Anyway(WLIIA)?) that there are no blacks in friends' NYC. Strange city. On that matter, Eddie Murphy's 'Boomerang' has no whites. Another strange place. On the other channel, I am watching 'Will & Grace' (strange that it so popular when our country is not really so cool with homosexuality yet), 'Caroline in the City' (which is ok but I think I am going to bail out in some episodes) and Friends again from season 1 onwards. Hey, its only one soap opera till now. There is another show late nights called 'Dave's world' but it is wearing off. Something about a writer and well, his jokes are good but the 80s setting is a turn-off.

The weeklies has a good lineup too for around half a week. Add another 4 sitcoms on Monday - 'that 70s show' (I like that round table cam. and the 70s guest appearances and Nixon references), ELR, 'yes dear' which is so-so, and 'Becker' whom I just love. This guy is so pissed off. He reminds me of 'Cheers' which is on early mornings (bad timing) but I can't follow it. They stopped 'grounded for life' which was my favorite on Monday nights with its unique flashback style. Damn.
My favorite 2 sitcoms are on Tuesday - 'The Drew Carey Show' and WLIIA. The weirdest humor and the greatest improv actors. There is 'Monk' too, which is nice but the mystery standards are still not up to earlier great shows like Poirot and the rest. Sometimes I even watch 'Law & Order: SVU'. But the constant stream of badass molesters gets too tiring sometimes. I started watching 'Alias - season 2' but family intrigue and fake off shore locations are very idiotic to me.
Wednesdays is time for 'Ally McBeal' which although widely panned somehow keeps me interested. It's a really quirky comedy and the writing is really good. I used to watch David Kelly's other show, 'Boston Public' purely because it was set in a school but it ended. It's also time for 'Titus' (which is fast becoming A favorite) and '2 guys & a girl', which is OK. This is also the day for 'CSI: Miami', the only show on AXN I like. Just pure forensic science. No relationship shit between the characters. Thats the way I like.
The new line-up on Thursday is really shit. There is 'Roswell' last season (teenage aliens? WTF. 2 episodes and I was going to puke but the music is good), 'Dark Angel' last season (never found it interesting) and Joe Millionaire (I never could get the hang of reality TV). Not that the earlier line-up was any better with Buffy and Angel. A bunch of weirdos. I saw the musical episode and hung around for Alyson Hannigan and that too lesbian! W00t! But it crapped out in some time with its seemingly video game style of killing a few vampires every show.
The rest of the week isn't so good. The saving grace is '6 ft under' which is by far, the best drama series on TV right now. Season 1 just ended. Then there is 'opposite sex', a cancelled show (really bad but the girls are good) and friends season 9. I know thats a little too much of this serial but I can't help it. Got to finish what I started. Late night Saturdays is 'sex and the city' which is growing on me. And they replaced 'futurama' with 'the simpsons' season 12 and 'Malcolm in the middle' with '3rd rock from the sun' last season on Sundays. There are 2 more shows - 'hidden hills' which is chugging along right now and 'Norm' (another SNL alumni, Norm McDonald) which is rising along with Titus as my favorite new sitcom.

That about sums it up. It seems like one of the channels has bought all syndicated stuff. I keep catching weird American sitcoms like 'the Gregory Hines show', 'can't hurry love', 'the promised land', 'touched by an angel', ER, 'the west wing', 'royal Canadian air farce' and boatload of other stuff. I have started appreciating the resilient nature of American people. Forget 9/11, enduring such crap since the TV was invented must have been testing. Bravo, bravo!!
But there is some good stuff too. I really wish I could watch all those classics like Seinfield, Frasier and M*A*S*H. right now, I am waiting for 'Curb your enthusiasm'. Its going to kick some real ass if the guys at tvtome are right about it.

gamelog II

2003-11-15T10:50:00.000-08:00

Listening to: Audio Bullys - Ego War - snow

I have come to expect the reality of my writing habits. I am just not a blogger stereotype. Somehow I always loose the will to write every day after some days writing. I have tried to do shorter passages, maybe just one point at a time but then my old school diary habits just don't allow me to. I feel this impulse to do pieces at least of an acceptable length. Which for me stands around 600 words minimum. Its funny. When I started writing in my diary, I would usually write once in a month or so and then the frustration would be lost and an overpowering urge to do something more worthwhile would grip me. Now this cycle has been reduced to 10-14 days.

That still does not explain this long absence. This sitting is coming after I finished a game I started long ago, seems like in another millennium. Also - and more importantly - I finished a portion of my course. I have assigned 6 hours to the 4 things I do everyday - the PC, studies, sleep and TV. That's right folks. I preferred to watch TV over writing. The woes of a couch potato who knows the depth of broth he is in. I couldn't help it. I am in the middle of an 'American sitcom 101 crash course'. But more about it later.

I finished KISS: Psycho Circus today and it has been hell of a long ride. After ranting for short games this one game took the better part of 2 weeks. To be fair, I did some days of playing and only studied. Still, it was a long, scary ride. I have had this fear of clowns for as long as I have been going to the circuses. And even if not scary, they have never been funny. It always seems like they have had a bad childhood and are going to take revenge anytime. So this game was like exorcism. Yeah baby! Shooting so many carnies comes only second to shooting 'sardars', and Indian race of people you may know as 'Sikhs' in hitman 2. Its a nice game although a bit hard on the normal and more difficult levels. Loads of worlds, lot of KISS music, a badass ending video and actually better than a lot of merchandise games from comics. For comparison, you can take Spiderman which I am going to play next. It maybe slightly good and diehard fans may die for the trivia and Stan Lee narration but for me, the restricted camera angles are going to be a problem if they are trying to compete to the level of Lara Croft. In the pipeline are deusex and undying.

Update 121103: started playing Spiderman. This one is totally for hardcore fans with collector comic books as secrets in the stage, Stan Lee voiceover and cameos by his entire cast of superheroes - the human torch, black cat, silver surfer, etc. its got a fats paced storyline too. Although technically you can see the engine is based on Tony Hawk Pro Skater's one (they have ads of THPS2 all over the game) and even the menu is same. Lazy neversoft/activision bastards. It feels so dated.

a teotian anniversary

2003-10-10T12:08:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Tool - Aenima

It's a beautiful morning in the aftermath of 2 chilly windy days. You know, the state when all the plants and weeds - however useless they may be - are washed of the dust of the preceding storm and the overawing color in the scenery is green. I expected winter to start now that the October heat had ended with this triple rainy day climax but the Met department seems to think otherwise. And this time nature agreed with them.

I finished Star Lancer. This whole space sim was new for me and it had really nice graphics, a lot of dialogue to build up the story. Although the last missions grew exponentially in difficulty. Right now is a difficult position. I am in between jobs... sorry games. And I can't decide what to play next. I have been practicing chess on Chessmaster 8000. It's a humungo game. It's got tutorials, a database of all the best games, and everything you need to professionally practice this game.
It reminds me that I downloaded this game from HsWales. Along with a bevy of others including DMBMX, Ski Resort Tycoon and 4x4 Evo. It also reminded me that I have been involved in this community now for a whole year. So I am allowing myself the liberty to write about TEOTI which if you would have noticed, I don't do generally.

TEOTI's discovery was like fate - the right mix of right wants. I had been Dling with Kaaza and now had about 100 albums of nu-metal crap. Kazaa may have made file sharing famous but I have always seen it like a shortcut. The trade-off between labor and results. You may get songs instantaneously through Kazaa but when trying to find complete albums of semi-obscure bands, it will - with a heightened probability - find bad recordings and bootlegs. So I had started trying out Soul Seek which was then still mostly handled by the underground hip-hop and dance community and there was not one - mark my words - britney spears track online. At the same time, I was going through these totally rad mods for games like Serious Sam and NFS4. It set me on the path of finding a good DL manager and as most power users have turned to, I decided on flashget. And then I discovered people were just sharing off music on small web servers hosted on their PCs. So armed with such powerful knowledge, I went off to the most obvious place - astalavista.com. On their hot list, they had this link for T.E.O.T.I - file sharing community. So I surfed to here when it had just gone on to T2 and there were some interesting links. I signed up and forgot.

A week later, I checked my Spam account and came back. Suddenly discovering this treasure trove of music links and everything else I was hooked. It was a perfect arrangement. Keep DLing albums while reading all the miscellaneous shiznit here. For the month of September, I was a lurker. In October, I started posting stuff, now lost in all the revisions of teoti. My real breakthrough was when BrainPlunge found this real big punk dex. Now I knew about rock and dance but I had absolutely no background in punk. I was giving him all my points for the next week and stuck around and made friends. The obsession grew with my F5 button and somewhere down the line, qman made me a god.

A strange thing here. I was introduced to the concept of forums and online community through TEOTI. And I have gone on to other forums and being active there but one thing keeps bothering me. The sense of goodwill around here is never replicated. Its ok when people fight and argue. That is necessary but the good:crap ratio is never higher than TEOTI. The useless posts (this sucks/rocks, best/worst/top 5 threads) just keep coming again and again like pesticide-resistant pests.

Maybe the reason behind its longevity and success(?) is the non-specificity. e.g. - there are forums for the Indian rock community which I frequent and if I try to post something which is not related to music, it get locked or something. I believe the freedom to discuss anything and everything under the sun gives TEOTI its community feel and not a focus group. Sometimes that feeling is endangered like during Gulf War II (which I am still saying was a bad paranoid move). It just re-enforced the power base of teoti lying around in US. I have tried to change that and made many more converts but it still amuses me that Japan and Latin America have no citizens here.

Like everyone else, I came here for the files and stayed around because of the people. There are so many people around here who have helped me that its absolutely useless taking names for respect. Most of them are not even around. anonymouse was one of the guys who taught me search techniques, showed me the tools of a power surfer and other things and now he is not here. Its been one year reading IB's musings, watching Stud1y's truck, getting angry with babs, attending virtually sheptron & babs' party at my time, and a whale load of other people I have had discussions with.

I have seen this group mature, take decisions (like the separation of pr0n), and kick out offenders. I have seen all those discussions about how teoti was becoming crappier and I never participated. Some of it was old school guarding their territory, sometimes it was genuine. but I can say this definitely that technically and socially, this is the best version although XIX has stopped keeping a comprehensives changes FAQ. And I have felt how many oldies don't feel the love anymore and have went away.

Point being that it is not that somehow TEOTI doesn't have the same feel. Its how people move forward. Its like school where you learn, go on with life and sometimes come back to relive those memories. So here, you learn, get addicted to the feel of the community and obsessively pound the F5 button. And then, you move on and balance TEOTI with other things in life. I grew out of the obsessive period somewhere in February. And now, it would be hard to disconnect TEOTI from my life.

After waxing eloquent for so long, there is still one thing left. I have never seen a pic of DMFG. anyone?

gamelog

2003-10-03T12:57:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Incubus - S.C.I.E.N.C.E

They had Lauryn Hill on Mtv Unplugged. Nice lady and I like a lot of her work along with the fugees. But this time she was sitting alone with a guitar and was chatting with the crowd mostly. Now I don't know how Mtv allowed her to do her shit. It was laidback and engaging at the same time.

(originally written on 28 Sep)
Gunman Chronicles has ended. A nice game but a bit short on the length side or is it just me? Even Max Payne seemed quite short to me. Maybe the fault lies in me and not in the world. Hmmm. I may have believed the idea in another time another place. But not in this age. I am completing games in 5-6 days and it seems that I have improved. I would recommend this game to FPS hardcore gamers who may have tried every mod of half-life under the sun. The most amazing part of this game is the graphics. There are so many textures used and levels designed so well, it should be a sleeper hit. Or maybe it should have been already.
I have already started another game and this time I am taking it easy: "Bugs Bunny and Taz - TimeBusters". Yeah go on laugh at me but this game has got game play. Its got puzzles and side games by the dozens and makes you explore each level thoroughly. Give it some more points on the familiarity with the characters. It's got the whole WB family. I have already completed 2 worlds out of 4 and I definitely recommend this for a change against more intense games. This is even cooler than MDK2.
My brother got War Craft 3 and well Blizzard seems to be going on very predictable paths. They have put RPG elements from Diablo like heroes apart from the faceless many in such RTS and given them growth options. Maybe I will try it now although I stay away from strategy games on a rule.

(updated today)
4 days after this unfinished entry and I have completed Bugs and Taz too. This was a short game indeed. Maybe it was intended for kids. Whatever, it is completed with and I am on to another game. This is the first time I am trying my hands at space fighting Sims. Its called Star Lancer and maybe some old-timers remember it. In the beginning, I was appalled by the minimal graphics involved with just a 360 background and all the ships battling it out. Granted it had a nice storyline, lots of conversation and actual development. But there aren't really a lot of things to do apart from escorting and shooting. Somehow, it has grown on me and I have already completed 8 missions.

And well the novel I was reading was Salman Rushdie's Midnight Children. You may know him as the guy who had a fatwa issued on his head for his novel 'Satanic Verses'. Well, this novel was banned in India. The reason is in the plot. He has basically written parallel storylines of a how kid grows up born on India's Independence Day and how the nation and child undergo a lot of similar periods. It was banned due to the derogatory attitude towards Indian politicians. Some specific ones.
I am not at all impressed on the literary side. Ya he has great stories to tell and intelligent one-off comments. But his writing style is awful. A 1st person narrative and that too from a 32-year-old guy writing like one of those infinite teen Goth blogs springing up. I think this guy listens to too much Nine Inch Nails. I also downloaded another e-book by Cory Doctorow, the guy who handles [url]boingboing.net[/url]. If you haven't checked out the site, do it now. Probably one of the best blogs tracking technology and culture along with [url]www.kuro5hin.org[/url]. Its called "Down and out in the Magic Kingdom", a novella of 67 pages. I had read his earlier '0wnZ04ed' at [url]salon.com[/url] and that was mighty impressive. Even this was good but I am scared by his monomania for Disneyland. This guy has issues. Its pretty simplistic building a future around one culture that you have known lifelong.

Now you know what separates good and great books. look at LOTR. that guy created a whole culture.

i still read print

2003-10-02T12:05:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Counting Crows - Big yellow taxi

This was just another song for me. but then I heard the lyrics. Back in May, we were trying to find the origination of this song because I knew it was a cover. and let me warn you, don't hear it. its by some obscure country artist and her version doesn't stand infront of the polished pop sensibility of Counting Crows.

In my town, there is not one respectable library. You got that right. Not 1. It seems somehow this state is intent on going down the drain. But that is not happening. Instead the rains hit us so hard that the drains taking water out from the city into the river took water from the river, as its level was way above danger mark and overnight flooded parts of the city. But coming back to the worrying lack of books, I am going to be in a short supply of books and I can't sleep without them. There was a British library (run by the British council, nothing imperial in its designs) but it shutdown some years ago.
At these times, I become reminiscent of Delhi. There was this shack in front of boojum's house. Well not exactly there. There is a street running with residences on both sides. A small park (where I bathed in a fountain at midnight but that is another drunk story altogether) surrounded by a market is hidden on one side. On the other side, behind the houses lining the street is another line of houses interrupted by a ubiquitous and prominent part of Indian life, a temple. The government conducted a general survey in 2001 and the population estimate is expected by Jan 2004. Meanwhile, other statistics are out and here is an important equation to understand our way of life.

no. of temples > no. of schools + no. of hospitals

Now you may understand how pervasive religion is in this country where votes could swing for it instead of healthcare and education. Make no mistake. This country is a welfare state as well as giving a right to education.
But this was not what we started out with. On the walk between the street and the park, there was the previously erroneously placed shack. It had second hand books of all authors affirming my faith in Indians as the most read people in the world. One of the persons at the workplace months ago had recommended it. But then I had no time for reading. In the blind hedonist streak of independence, they seem pullbacks. It also causes more flashbacks. Of still earlier times of my life when I used to frequent a shop in front of my house in my village. It had all the comics from all the major Indian publishers churning out bad copies of American comics. At that time, it was my only thing to do for fun. Until I got a Hindi version of Monopoly called 'Vyapar' (literal translation: business).
It seems like I have been raised on bad copies of originals.

Recognition : deconstructed

2003-09-30T13:33:00.000-07:00

Listening to: The Smoking Popes - I need you around

Here is something to be happy about. My brother went to school few days back. He keeps taking my CDs (which I burnt over the period of last year) to exchange them for required game CDs. so there is this one guy who wanted it and I had explicitly negated the option the previous night. You should see how he keeps his CDs. the dye in the CD-Rs have peeled off or become jelly like. Others become substitute for Frisbees and coasters. Its a miracle how he has not invented a CD-Origami art.
Anyway, in this argument another guy overhears him. Now this guy has shifted to my town only 2 years ago and was in a relatively very well off place. An avid fan of rock music he had every issue of the magazine where I was working. Every. So he overheard me being named by my brother for authority and asked him if he was talking about the same guy who was on the crew of the magazine. On confirmation, the usual appreciation and small talk followed.
YES! My place under the sun. Hey, a little recognition in this godforsaken town can do wonders for the spirit, and I am still talking of the unbottled types. And as usual these days, it set me thinking on the dynamics.

Now lets take a famous celebrity. He is recognized on a wider scale. He has a bigger place under the sun. Maybe his light bulbs are the sun. An element of worship takes form here and the person's achievements and talent is forgotten. There are fan clubs in South India who have formed temples for their movie stars/deities. Now take a niche culture. Specially rock music in India, which is a lot like Linux. It will never go away, the ones who convert will never go back, and it will always seem a weird thing to outsiders. Now getting appreciation in such a circle where everyone is appreciative about your efforts and you know the other knows what he is talking about is a special joy.
What I am driving at is the difference between worship and appreciation. But I have one more condition to put up here. We will borrow a term from nuclear physics and call it critical mass. The amount of people in such a niche culture to make it important in its own right. E.g. - Indian fashion circle that is just a lot of media circus without any trade doesn't reach the critical mass. But then I am not in the circle so judging it would be wrong.

And then there is the ever-running debate of blogging. I have heard so many people lamenting its stupidity and its overkill. The critical mass must have precipitated by now as I have seen less and less arguments against taking it seriously over the past year. Recognition by peers here would be welcome and constructive. Blogging for me is important now. Still not a daily feature but in 3-4 days I write for some hours. Against when I was writing in a physical diary which I only managed in a few weeks. There is a flow of words in your mind and for me, typing them on a PC is faster and more effective than writing it down. I loose a lot less trails of thought.
I can see a lot of purists running for my blood. I know what I am doing is just keeping an online journal. I tried my hand at blogging on music related culture news and discussions but on a dial-up, it's not possible for me anymore to continue it.

I look back at this grotesque passage and see how I deconstructed a little bit of happiness and lost the joy somewhere in the process.

lesbian acceptance

2003-09-22T13:05:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Dry Kill Logic - Darker Side of Nonsense

So IronButterfly's recent frustration over men has forced her to explore the more uncatholic sides of life. A big ahem to that and it also causes me to examine some ideas of my own.

I saw something that I had been hoping for a long time. On MTV India, unplugged featuring performances from MTV2 airs around 1.30 am on Sunday morning. So here I was and guess who were performing? The only respectable people in the hip hop industry - the roots and Pharell Williams from N.E.R.D featuring guess artistes like Jay-z and Mary J. Blige. W00t!

Now all of us have been seeing movies for a lot of time, and me in a particularly large number (like I am going to watch 'frequency' after writing this). And to me, the chemistry between a lead pair is important. Be it male bonding in macho flicks or slightly pedophilic super group combos (you know Gotham city) or traditional male-female pairs. For instance, I may site 'somebody like you' here where the chemistry between Ashley Judd and wolverine from x-men was absent. Now here is the scary part. I was watching 'girl, interrupted' and had begun to see shades of 'one flew over cuckoo's nest in it'. Now Winona Ryder and Angelina Jolie were fine but after maybe 30 mins, I was thinking of them in a very conventional sense of a couple. I expected them to kiss. Till now, I had not realized but when they DID kiss (although in the haze of drugs), it hit me. How lesbianism had become so very normal to me and almost expected between 2 pretty females. Now you have to understand that is not A VERY normal thing in my region and the first gay march probably happened some days ago in Calcutta.

I still have to find out why it has become so normal to me suddenly. Maybe its the overdose of pr0n flicks. Boojum, damn you for the playboy specials and 'good will humping' and 'wild wild chest'. Au contraire, gay men are still off my imagination. Although I am totally with it and pass off myself as one in most places just to see people's attitudes. Its strange. Whenever I talk about homosexuality, its by default taken as men involved and the questions asked are even more funny:

hey we still have women around so why go after the same sex?
it is unnatural. Nature has made us this way and we should stay like that.

And more. There was this forum once where this pr0n store clerk used to post her stories and the customers she used to encounter. And there were a lot of crazy trends. How guys liked to rent she-male videos (her reason: well, these were women with dicks so they probably know how to handle it) and only lesbian flicks (reason: guys didn't want to see dicks). TOI (Times of India, the newspaper I get) has started this series of articles on accepting homosexuality in the law, as sodomy is still outlawed. Maybe the linguistic intent of the word should be outlawed. But what about consensual anal sex? Anyway, the most recent survey states that 50% of males who have studied up to college have homosexual experiences.

Maybe its the line. The barrier across which someone considers something homosexual. When I tell people I used to bath naked with my batch mates (its a lie. only my school was this prudish), they see me in a totally different light. And on the other side, I know boarders who used to shag together and its a very tight friendship. Then there is the hero-worship factor. I went cycling for 1200 kms once in 2 weeks and there was this guy who was one year senior to me. He used to talk strange about one of my batch mates. He seemed to like him too much in a look-up way. People considered him gay. I knew what he was going through. 2 years before that, I used to have a friend one senior to me. In his last year, I had developed this crazy obsession towards him. It was like I was worshipping him or something. Its a big leap back in time and I don't remember a lot how I felt during that time but the guy left for US after some time. When he came back for a visit, he thought I was still crazy but I had grown out of it. Now you have to understand we were really good friends. And there was nothing gay about how I was feeling. Maybe I will have to bring in the movies again. If you have seen 'the fan', then I was Robert De Niro's character with a fraction of his obsessive factor.

The really strange thing is that I was in this school for the last 9 years and I have never looked back or seen it with retrospect. There are a lot of ghosts around me that I have to exorcise before moving forward. And I have forgotten most of them. They are coming back to me in small platoons. Every day. I have never asked myself questions to most obvious things. Where did my obsessive search for music and before that 16-bit games come from? What was I reading back in grade 9? Why all that nonfiction which I never understood about metaphysics? Why I have never written one fiction piece - prose poetry - in my entire life? (Although this is not entirely true. I had written one but it was in a physical diary around grade 10. It was dedicated to my brother who wrote for the school newsletter regularly. I showed it to him and he tweaked a few trivial things and sent it to the school review as his.) For that matter I don't know a lot about the 8 years from my birth till I went to school. As I said, there a lot of spirits around me. The bottled ones have been left behind but the uncorked ones are always floating in my brain. They trigger off wrong questions at totally irrelevant times. And I have to exorcise them.

To round this thing off, I am still wondering to the absence of literature on lesbianism. It has led me to conclude that it has been an accepted fact since Sapphic's private island (which is my favorite fantasy tourist spot after the island in the 'the beach' (and yes I know it is for real)). What are your views?

Orwellian Passage

2003-09-21T12:28:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Offspring - Ixnay on the Hombre

Maybe I have written earlier that I was reading 'a brief history of time'. Well I read another book after it. This one is not known very widely but is by a very well known author, George Orwell. Its called 'The Road to Wigan Pier'. A scathing criticism of pre-WWII British middle class snobbery and probably the most horrifying portrait of the living conditions of miners during that time. There is a claustrophobic strain in me (reference anyone) and his description of 5-mile long mines 500 feet under gives me the jinkies. he he. Actually 'What's new Scooby Doo?' just started on cartoon network and I just love that dog. Probably the most doped character in cartoon history. But back to Orwell. I saw 'east is east today set in 1971 Manchester and the living conditions described by Orwell then and in 1971 didn't seem very different to me. Bath was still alien and keeping buckets in bedroom for toilet doesn't exactly excite me.
My main praise is for the language. As the introduction states, along with Samuel Butler this is where modern prose originated. Informal, directly asking the reader and a lot of tangential threads in brackets. Go Orwell. And now for 'animal farm' and '1984'.

On another play, I finally finished MDK2 2 days ago. It wasn't too hard and considering its intent to be a throwback to the 80s 16-bit and arcade game play, this one was one of the more humorous games. Although I believe it lacked a degree of intensity in the game play. Not as much as Max Payne, where the Valkyr induced states of hallucination were too terrifying.

I didn't wait to decide the next game. Its a very underrated game and is based on the half-life engine. Its called Gunman Chronicles and I don't think a lot of people know about it. It started out as a mod and the company behind it, Reowulf SW doesn't even seem to have a website now. A unique case of mod turning sweet instead of sour, it has 70 levels across 4 worlds. I finished the second world today and I am thoroughly enjoying this game. The best part I haven't even played the original half-life till now. Maybe after this.

As I have been asking people and converting them, I got FeedReader installed and it rocks. I unsubscribed from at least 5 newsletter and don't have to visit another 10 sites. Although I was using another web based aggregator [url]www.dailyrotation.com[/url] before but this absolutely rocks. I totally agree with Chris Pirillo that this is the next killer tech. the usual suspects feature - kuro5hin, wired, TEOTI (he he), lockergnome, register, BBspot, etc. my main problem is trying to track down music feeds. Till now, there is an Amazon Hard rock featuring the latest releases, antiMUSIC and Noise Pop for indie music. I am hoping that blabbermouth.com and [url]www.pitchforkmedia.com[/url] get their feeds out soon.

die durst

2003-09-20T11:27:00.000-07:00

Listening to: GlassJAw - Kiss Kiss Bang Bang EP

I saw limpbizkit's new video. It has left a really bad taste in my mouth. Come on. This was the original frat rock band. They were rocking in a party sort of way. Even when everybody washed their hands off chocolate starfish, I thought that it was better than their previous release. And now look where they are headed. Is everyone jumping on the emo bandwagon? Granted nu-metal had its share of scream but they look so obnoxious. How can I take this guy seriously trying to eat a person alive? No, I do not like your songs Mr. Durst and it shows your bankruptcy.
And as the header shows, I think I have discovered one of the better bands of this decade. At the start of this year when I heard 'cosmopolitan blood loss', I hated it. And in one year I have come around full circle to punk/hardcore. This change started with snapcase and now I am constantly listening to fugazi, at the drive in, and the rest.

It set me thinking as to what was good music. On another forum, there was a thread on good protest songs that eventually sparked a minor debate on generalized ranting and protest rock. Almost everyone in the emo-numetal world keeps screaming about his child abuse days and I am so sick and tired of it. This led to finding the difference between a song and a poem. I believe a song is more personal. A poem has a lyrical touch and is best read loudly but it is almost always more identifiable. The subject can appeal to a lot of people. Like the beauty in nature. Agreed most songs are about relationships and they are also identified with. But I believe they are more empathized with than appreciated.
And well, the bottom line is the language. You really can't appreciate 'breaking my heart', 'baby you love me and I love you too' and on the flipside, 'tormented', 'breaking like glass' (punctuated by screams from the drummer) like lines.

Another realization. I am currently studying organic chemistry and after being deeply engrossed in it for eternity to me, I went to the loo. Now here I was in an air-conditioned room and as soon as nature asked me to make love to it, the electricity went off again. You may have heard of Il Nino. After the monsoons, we have something called 'October heat' which started to make its presence felt. In these extreme saunatic conditions, it hit me. That reactions - chemical - are not absolute. In a lab, we are not causing one reaction. We are creating a situation where from all the random reactions happening in a certain room, a certain reaction will be amplified exponentially for observation.

It may not be clear to you but its just that I don't like determinism and absoluteness.

idiot box

2003-09-12T12:56:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Talvin Singh - OK

So I checked up on Twin Peaks and it seems that it was a groundbreaking serial. But that is expected of David Lynch. That reminds me of Liam Lynch. Has anyone heard his 'United States of Whatever'? That is one amazing track. But coming back to twin peaks.
Like twin peaks was set in real time and one episode covered 1 day in the town, 24 covers 1 hour in the day. This concept was originally what got my attention. But I started watching it pretty late, around 1 pm. and now season 1 is going to end. The last hour is left. It seems in India, AXN keeps us one season behind. I started following CSI too and its season ended last Wednesday. CSI: Miami is slated to replace it.

Apart from these 2 serials, AXN was the only channel where I could see some alt. culture based serials, i.e. - skateboarding, music, BMX, and such punk stuff. There used to be this slot called 'Core Culture' which used to show all these skating freaks, computer geeks and DJs. now, there is this late night show called 'Passengers'. And it is by far the best such show I have come across. Last Wednesday, they featured the yamikaze - a high jumping group from Paris, a German in Jamaica making big in reggae, a Radio Jockey in Serbia, and some amazing videos. One was by a French rapper who was doing these emergency deliveries in the car for his girlfriend. I say 'these' because the whole car was covered with soiled, newborn kids complete with the excreta, blood and the epidermis covering and fallopian tubes hanging out. And in the end, the message is 'use condoms'. Got that dude. Check out their site at ]www.ps2passengers.com. It's in collaboration with PlayStation2.

And then there are the comedy serials. Simpsons, Friends and 'just shoot me' are on a daily basis. 'The 70s show', 'dharma & Greg' and Becker come on Mondays and I have really fallen in love with Becker. This guy doesn't have a heart. It's just too fucking good. And unlike some serials (read friends) where blacks don't exist but expatriate Germans do, it's got a really good line-up. But by far my favorite is still 'the Drew Carey show' and 'whose line is it anyway'. I may occasionally laugh and scoff at all the other fare but the improvisation skills of this cast is far too good. And the sense of humor is totally un-mainstream. On Sundays, I get futurama. w00t. I agree with angry_babs about matt groening. This guy is really good. Also I used to watch 'Malcolm in the middle' but it has been replaced by '3rd rock from the sun' which is an old favorite.

And apart from all this American fare, we have some UK imports. 'The Kumar's at no. 42' and 'goodness gracious me', both made by people of Indian origin. While 'the Kumar's...' has maintained a very delicate balance between a sitcom and a talk show which is a very strange concept. But it is pulled off successfully. 'Goodness...' has random samples of Indian life and Indians in UK. The title track is by Nitin Sawhney, a very respected electronica artist. This serial kicks some serious ass with its very apt portrayal of my nation, wherever they may be geographically. From picking up towels to anything available for free in airlines and hotels to taking a leak or spitting on the road. Sometimes, TV seems to be good.

And what's up with these Russian channels? All they show is pr0n round the clock.

geriatric worries

2003-09-08T12:34:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Whippersnapper - America's Favorite Pastime

After my sleeping pattern became regulated, I thought anxiety attacks related to bad sleeping and chronic headache would away. In fact, being in such a regime where I had 3 meals at the same time everyday, slept at the same time and ate fruits almost constantly, I thought probably this is better than detox. But I had one today and the scary reason was that I had very less time. Time as in the scope of years. I am already 19 and I have so many things lined up in my 'to do before dying' list that I know I will have to skip some things. Probably the cause can be traced back to a Good Charlotte video that had all these punk septuagenarians. I have never made a list of my 'to do before dying' things but I know its very long. And mostly some very athletic things. Like surfing, etc. which would be better done young. No thanks to the influx of American culture in every part of globe and Discovery/Travel/National Geographic channels. For the record, I have done skiing, cycling for 1200 kms in 12 days, rafting thrice and keep a skateboard. But after this scary disease and the knee condition I am probably scared of never getting into sports again. Plus the added bonus of a paunch for which I will most probably get a poncho from hedonist, right? Hey when are you coming back?

I guess somewhere this has something to do with 'the brief history of time' too. I had that book and the last time I read it was 4 years ago in grade 9. My progression in books would be another story altogether. Anyway, so I reread it now that I was officially the guy that had been kept in mind while writing the book. And in conclusion, Stephen Hawking echoed what I think. Or maybe I picked it up 4 years ago from him. He ponders about how in a previous age - around Newton - human knowledge in matters of science and philosophy were small enough for a man to know what was happening at the frontiers of both the fields. But in today's world of super-specialization (Bertrand Russell said that man would start learning something about everything and keep specializing in chosen fields and the scope grew smaller and smaller until he knew everything about nothing) one man can never know enough about two entirely different fields like physics and philosophy. And know when theoretical physics is asking about the creation of the universe, such metaphysical interrogation requires a vast knowledge in everything.

How is this related to me? Maybe I still have to learn a lot. Anyway, if Tofegrat is reading this, I would like to let him know that I am reading 'Sophie's world' now.

what is Twin Peaks?

2003-09-07T13:09:00.000-07:00

Listening to Down: NOLA

Please would anyone give me some information about twin peaks? Yes I know that it is a TV series - something modeled around twilight zone - but I am so sick and tired of it. Max Payne has a reference to it, Raymond (everybody loves Raymond) and his brother were discussing about it and I don't have a clue. If someone could compare to it to some more recent serials or an overview about it, I would be really happy. And please, no links. I have gone through the twin peaks Usenet group FAQ and somehow I just feel like it's missing something. Its intro tune is the most sampled among rap guys. It just feels like I missed this whole cult phenomenon.

Speaking of rap guys, what has happened to their videos? Every last one of them shows these guys and their bunch of homies partying. Its trash on a humungous scale.

So anyway, is it just me or did everyone who played Max Payne has found out that it is too short to be justified for the hype, never mind the mods. I am not really such a big ace in gaming and that I have progressed through 8 chapters of part I and 4 chapters of part II in 2 days is pretty amazing for me.
Maybe I got hooked on to this game after IGI was because it was the most intense. People who haven't played should check out the tight story - although a bit Bollywood in nature - and the really scary drugged sequences. People are on the record that it is scarier than silent hill 2. I hope to get some really good titles after this. (Red Faction, Ghost Recon, Rogue Spear)

I was talking to boojum. He is still in Delhi while I have returned to my hometown. He has been out stoned for the past 3 days. Some of his cousins are in town and they had one really wild party yesterday. Boojum had a bong coupled with rum. Now this party was happening in a satellite town of Delhi called gurgaon. So while returning he took the highway to another city. And he seemed in a bad shape this afternoon to post it himself so I thought I would let you guys know.
And well I noticed that some trends are slacking off. Like migrating to US. Thats still 'the dream' for a lot of Indians but people from the big cities are not so enthusiastic now. Higher studies still have to be done outside but settling down is not such a lucrative option. Personally, I would never settle down in a foreign country. I mean where else can u get doped/drunk without being the legal age, without IDs and keep 80 CDs of pirated mp3s, games and videos and the police would give a squat about it. Do I love this place.

Game Discussion

2003-09-05T11:44:00.000-07:00

listening to: Jamiroquai - the return of the space cowboy

So finally one of the greatest dilemmas in the history of my gaming has been solved. I just could not bring myself to start another game after project IGI. All I wanted to play was some rainbow 6 type game but all I had were the following choices:

Serious Sam - again. I had already finished it once
Max Payne - a huge hit which had never been played. sort of like nobody ever watches those mainstream summer action flicks but they still seem to have record sales. another one I missed was half-life
MDK2 - hugely entertaining game but never had the intensity that I wanted right now.
heavy metal FAKK2 - did anyone like this game? my brother was so into it - he has a thing for half naked computer generated non-anime-inspired adventure games with female leads, namely, Tomb Raider - but I skipped it.
undying - this is one scary game and I usually don't play in the morning.
hidden and dangerous - its like a war/spy game but I just don't like it. will try.
f-22 lightening 3 - somebody reviewed it on gamefaqs.com as having realistic graphics. well I didn't know a Braille version was out.

and the winner it seems to be Max Payne for now. It's intense. too intense with that entire anti-drug thing going on. a slimy neo-noir feel. and life goes out more realistically in 3-4 shots where range matters, unlike some 100-health games. I completed 3 levels and to be on the safer side I completed some levels of MDK2 and Serious Sam. I am grounded because of my bad health and my brother is having his exams. so only when it ends on the 10th Sep. will he be able to get me some Tom Clancy games. maybe Red Faction too.

chronic gamer

2003-09-02T10:45:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Jamiroquai - a funk odyssey

It seems like every last drop of blood would be taken away from me. Or at least attempts thereof are made every week or 10 days. Although there have been only 3 blood tests till now, I guess I must have failed in all of them. Sorry for the corn. But this disease has been an entirely new thing for me. I am used to doing things and sticking to my routine come what may. But now I have been assigned bed rest and I am stuck staying in the house. Either I am studying, or watching TV for few hours that it tries to be entertaining or I am on the PC.

Wait a minute. That's what I was doing before this shit hit me. Guess it hasn't been that much of a problem. Hehe. Anyway, the initial signs were definitely scary. First I had itching all over my body followed by fever and body ache and a weakness so powerful that I was lying on the floor for one whole day. And when all this passed, I woke up in the morning and found my eyes yellow. How I had hated that damn 60W bulbs and how they made the whole environment reminiscent of jaundice. And now I had it. So I checked up my skin and it all was a bit yellow on the hell raiser side.

I thought a bath would take it away but like David Hasselhoff, it just stuck to me. The vagaries of life. And then I finally had that right leg checked to have my fears confirmed.

So now, I am doing things in a very ordered manner. I am playing games sequentially and keeping track of them. Today I finished project IGI, a covert rainbow six type game. It was pretty easy with more emphasis on spy like techniques reminding me of thief (which I plan to play again). Before that I finished crimson skies, which was for me a surprise. I had never expected Microsoft to come up with something actually good, that too with the creators of 'recoil', one of the most boring games ever to be given away with Compaq PCs. but a nice story, nice secrets, excellent storyline and classy flying and dog fighting, this was one game worth it. Apart from that, there was this one pseudo-arcade dog fighting game, pacific warriors. They tried to have innovation but it was only worth 1 coin.

ER

2003-08-30T21:50:00.000-07:00

Listening to: foo fighters - everlong

Long time no write. Its called double trouble. My damn modem blew up the day I upgraded my RAM. I believe the fault lies in me and not discharging myself by touching a cold dry metal object while being barefoot.

Anyway, I got more problems. I got jaundice. That's the third world friendly term for hepatitis. For doctors and aspiring doctors and failed doctors and still-sticking-by-the-narrative people, my serum bilurubin levels was 5.8 (normal = 1) and something called SGPT which should be between 9-36 was 678.
Oh. The party still does not end. There is a problem in my right leg for the past 1 1/2 years. It suddenly seems nonexistent. So guess what? The cartilage (something halfway between tissue and bones between the joints) has torn away due to football. And all your old age joint pains starting by year 50 will be 15 years early for me. I got to have something called arthroscopy. Goddamn.

Everything else is great. hehe.

back in the saddle

2003-08-07T21:51:00.000-07:00

expect more posts in some time. just got back and straightening up home.

birthday

2003-08-04T07:29:00.000-07:00

its my birthday today.

every year i am morose this day on the realization that another year has gone up in smoke and i haven't done jack schitt.

its different this year. here in this alien city on a bad keyboard, i ain't gonna write much but i know that this year is not a waste. i have some revelations, and some growth and would love everyone to feel the same too.

here's wishing a cheesy friendship day too. spread the enlightment.

rail clatters calls

2003-07-25T12:41:00.000-07:00

listening to: deftones - anniversary of an unintresting event

what you are seeing is an indian snack. its called 'samosa' and is basically fried. the filling is really snappy like all other indian snacks. the reason you are seeing is that i did not know what to do with my webcam.that done, i would try to utilize it more. like maybe co-relate a whole story with a picture.

anyway, this post was to inform you all that i am leaving my premises for 12 days to see if i can get into a college. after the central examination held for the engineering colleges in a state, i got a rank and now i have to travel for 'counselling' where they tell me which college has seats available acoording to my rank.one of the reasons i am so scared of travelling is that everytime i get this fear of not being in contact on teoti but i somehow always manage. so no goodbyes. just hope i get decent speeds. and a decent college.

but i have not been true to myself and indulged a lot here too. i am seeing as many movies as power cuts can allow. but my plan of following some kind of schedule has been followed to an extent. my daily writing thing (which i know is impossible) is not being done. part of it is because of the speeds. i just check my mails, check 2 other forums, news, and wooshaa!! 2 hours of my life have gone away. still, i am happy that atleast my bio-rhythm stablized partially. its kind of weird to fell sleepy by 10 in the evening, wake up by 1 am and then again go to sleep by 5 and wake up by 10 am.

apart from that, i have started keeping a list and a pad always nearby to jot down ideas and things which suddenly pop up in my mind for further thought. its a good thing. always gives me something to write about.enough of my daily habits. got to spare you guys. and i got another teotian convert. my younger brother, chronological, but don't cheer him up or anything. he is still new to all this.

bye people.

Iraq : War with a telemarketer approach

2003-07-22T12:37:00.000-07:00

Listening to: papa roach - dead cell

There is one thing that I support my government on. The decision not to send troops to Iraq.
I don't know if these are populist measures considering that assembly elections are round the corner. You have to realize that for a country like ours, where politicians and diplomats alike are so bent on kissing US' ass before pakis get forward, this calls for a lot of balls. Fuck them anyway.

Day after day, this war or conquest as I would like to term it, is for me the new imperialism. The reactionary arrangements of shit scared super powers whose white soft underbelly (Blue Oyster Cult so ruulzzz) has been exposed. Not that I am very happy for people to get killed. From the beginning of this debate here on teoti, I had been advocating for no war. If removing Saddam was so urgent, there were other ways and secret killers and the whole Robert Ludlum deal. As it is becoming more and more apparent, the evidence on which this conquest was based has still not seen the light. Hey, credibility is lost. Even if they found it now, it would be planted. At least I am sure of that. Desperate measures for desperate people. Although I am truly a bit shocked at US secret services. They didn't even discover the Pokhran nuclear tests '98 in my country when the camp was being made and in operation for a year. And now, all these 'could be' stuff. Maybe I overestimated this country's capabilities but should have learnt earlier after the election of dubya.

People getting killed, especially innocent people were my main problem. And I don't see any resolution. If this war was short and a democratic council formed of the Iraqi's wishes, it would have still have had my support. But now soldiers are getting killed everyday. And with increasing causality, they need someone else to share it too. Our government wants to send troops but only under the UN's banner. We are already sending medical contingents and bilateral relations have always been there, if not very healthy. Point is that India has just gained independence and its still in the collective consciousness, the horrors of being a colony. And now to side with a country, which removed a tyrant for people who never asked for liberation, is not the right thing to do. And hey now I heard Bush or his pooch say somewhere that at least, the Iraqis are saved from being mistreated.

Let me site an example. Remember when Bates and the secretary are talking and Bates has got her sandwiches. How people are stuck in their cages and they can claw and crawl (an action which was prominent with the victims in 'silence of the lambs') but never escape. Well that set me thinking as to the value of this heist for the secretary. She was taking a measly amount of money and running away in comparison to the trust and years she had put in. Maybe she realized it and planned to go back in the morning.
I was talking about psycho
If I work at a cyber cafe and enjoy enough trust to stay overnight, would I try to steal all the cash in the drawer and leave in the morning? I don't think it's a nice trade-off.
Similarly, trying to find WMDs and removing a dictator and in the process plundering their national history and killing civilians and soldiers alike is not a good deal.

I wouldn't really care if my country was not on the verge of joining it. This problem has been entirely unilateral. US funded the bastard. US had a problem. Dubya fucked it up and made the longest running real life pr0n. First the grotesque photos from Saddam's reign for campaign. And then the real life deaths. I still believe we could have done without this.

electrically challenged

2003-07-22T12:36:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Jamiroquai - Synkronized

So I finally get around to writing something after a really really long time. A collective of temptations have kept me away and add to those some very valid factors.

So I know you Americans don't know what's a power cut. Okay, maybe Californians do. But really have you ever counted the hours without electricity and what to do with it. My country has some really deep shit working here. The National Thermal Power Corporation refuses to give any more power to my state elec. board for unpaid dues. And how can they when all the money goes into the politicians' pockets? Anyway, us bloody civilians bear the brunt for the splurges of our leaders. So I had these days for last some time when electricity would be away for 18 hour out of 24.
But in a way that was good for me. I got around to do a lot of things that I have been avoiding for a lot of time. Like bathing, eating, clipping my nails, shaving my hair, toilet, etc. I talked to my folks and sat with them and discovered they were married on the same day. Ok, I know the hyperbole went out of believable realm but hey, its true. I archived a lot of my books lying around since my house has undergone renovation. And discovered some unread ones too. Earlier my house used to be a 2-storey wreck with flats on ground and 1st floor. The top floor was the terrace unlike US where you guys mostly keep sloping roofs. Now its got another floor and expanded to have 2 flats on each level. So now my house is a 6 flat humungo and I plan to start the Indian version of bang bus very soon.

No seriously. I can do these things if the weather allows me. If you are checking this out on my blog, see the weather pixie on lower left. Its raining caterpillars... the trucks people. I am so tired of this rain now. Every year it's the same routine. People dying in the excessive heat. People dying for rains. And when the rains come, they bless and then proceed to sweep away the people praying and their houses intact. Hey but I am one of the lucky ones. I am a city guy. But I guess living in a city has problems of its own magnitude. The nonfunctional municipal corporations don't help. In this country, people usually put debris to raise height of plots they buy and then make the homes. Now when drainage systems are not working, which is every monsoon season, what you get are islands. Like I am on one. The roads become waterways for fish and other such creatures that can be only from the zoo. Because if they are not and are breeding, then we have some problems. A week back, I discovered a small snake in my lavatory. And well you know what happens next. Here is a clue.
In today's episode of Simpsons - reruns in India - they go to new York to recover homer's car from 1, world trade building (sorry for bad memories) and well he is feeling extremely heavy in his bladders and a bus goes by which is going to... flushing meadows.

My toilet misadventures notwithstanding, you may have realized my situation by now. A lone guy with a lamp also acting as a light tower for telemarketers on boats rowing and giving me this men's hair remover, monetarily challenged people hunting for anything moving in the water and who is occasionally thankful to quantum theory for making this chaos work.

Ironic, Self-referential... Whatever

2003-07-19T12:47:00.000-07:00

picked up this great article at Blogjam

How to write a blog the easy way.

Why not post:

A link to an authoritatively titled bit of pseudo academia, hopefully with "blogosphere" or "social software" in the title. (Don't worry about reading it - your readers won't bother either.
Some news quirkies nicked from Ananova. Maybe something about attack monkeys.
Something about your new design / upgrading to Movable Type / running an RSS feed. Remember: You've got a blog, you're an authority on technology.
A link to a story about blogs in the Guardian. That's what the readers want. More stories about blogs. Try typing "blog" into Google news search if you have difficulties finding such stories.
An in-depth post about the morality of linking. Finish on a grandiose quote like, "With great power comes great responsibility."
Check your referrers. Look! One person has found your site by clicking through from another blog! Write a big spiel about "welcoming our new readers from monkeyspunk.blogspot.com" and suggest that they take a look around and read the archives.

Science Jokes

2003-07-19T12:46:00.000-07:00

These are all from an amazing site I checked out Yesterday.by Julian Trubin
First up is an amazing banner I should have put on my site,

Computer jokes

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Can't be done. It's a hardware problem.

"This is an object-oriented system.If we change anything, the users object."

In C we had to code our own bugs. In C++ we can inherit them."

Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"
The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"
"Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."

Physics jokes

"I wish I had invented the telegraph," he replied remorsefully

The speed of time is one second per second.

What's the difference between an auto mechanic and a quantum mechanic?
The quantum mechanic can get the car inside the garage without opening the door.

Maths jokes

A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.
First, they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while, they notice three persons coming out of the house.
The physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate."
The biologists: "They have reproduced".
The mathematician: "If now exactly one person enters the house then it will be empty again."

A physicist and a mathematician sitting in a faculty lounge. Suddenly, the coffee machine catches on fire. The physicist grabs a bucket and leaps towards the sink, fills the bucket with water and puts out the fire. The second day, the same two sit in the same lounge. Again, the coffee machine catches on fire. This time, the mathematician stands up, gets a bucket, hands the bucket to the physicist, thus reducing the problem to a previously solved one.

"The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again."

Mermaid mathematicians wear algaebras.

A man camped in a national park, and noticed Mr. Snake and Mrs. Snake slithering by. "Where are all the little snakes?" he asked. Mr. Snake replied, "We are adders, so we cannot multiply." The following year, the man returned to the same camping spot. This time there were a whole batch of little snakes. "I thought you said you could not multiply," he said to Mr. Snake. "Well, the park ranger came by and built a log table, so now we can multiply by adding!"

Life is complex. It has real and imaginary components.

A guy gets on a bus and starts threatening everybody: "I'll integrate you! I'll differentiate you!" So everybody gets scared and runs away. Only one person stays. The guy comes up to him and says: "Aren't you scared, I'll integrate you, I'll differentiate you!" And the other guy says: "No, I am not scared, I am e^x."

Nixon's Theorem

2003-07-17T01:36:00.000-07:00

The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.

No Passage To US

2003-07-17T01:35:00.000-07:00

The move to curtail US immigrant visas undermines freemarket logic.

blame it again on the cliche of our times — self-interest.

Self-interest evidently can do many things — it can override ideology, it can justify double-standards, it can even overlook long-term economic benefits. And yet, we in this country might be entitled to ask if these visas were all only to our good, with the US benefiting in no way from it. American corporate history tells us a different story. Some 20 years back, there was similar unrest in the US around work going to Japanese automobile-makers. There were huge protests, but outsourcing continued. Today, US auto companies have emerged stronger. The steel industry too faced protests on outsourcing, and it took a protectionist stand. Today, that industry is in a sorry state.

essay : God made man or man made God?

2003-07-13T13:04:00.000-07:00

written 2-3 years back. for kicks and immaturity.

This is evolution, The monkey, the man,& Then the gun.
-Marlyn Manson.

With man today bent on self-destruction, the destroyer is found. The need of god, who man created some milleniums ago, exists no more. His role is over.

No opinion of mine will be valid if I don?t define ?god?. By ?god?, I mean the person or embodiment that is referred to in every day exclamations for unexplained phenomena and things beyond our grasp or control. By ?god?, I am even pointing out all people involved in ?mystical? and ?spiritual? practices in his name.

This concept is originally borne out of ignorance. Man has been confounded by his surroundings and happenings from time immemorial. When he was still walking on two legs, his one and only object in life was something basic and essential to animals even today- Survival. As his brain developed and his legs became powerful enough to rise on two legs, he found ways to elongate his time till extinction. When even language was in a preliminary form (& numerals were enough to count the livestock) man was amazed at the natural phenomena all around him such as sun, lightning and rain. So beneficial things such as Sun had become ?gods?. They developed crude customs of sacrifices of animals and sometimes, even human, to ward of evil forces of thunder and storm. This is evident by the idols and artifacts we find in excavations of the ancient civilizations.

Much later, ?god? also became a shield to withhold information. Priests invented rituals and customs to keep in touch with ?god?. It was no longer a simple affair. This specially became evident in the Indian context. The ?vedas? and the ?puranas? were written to define a priest?s role in the society. If anyone tried to go against or question these practices, they were condemned. The rulers kept the priests happy for the sake of the kingdom. With a rich mythology compromising a whole race of Gods & Goddesses ? 330 million at last count - fans had full freedom to invoke & worship whoever?s qualities they needed. Even outside India, great scientists and natural philosophers such as Aristotle and later on, Galileo were condemned and poisoned by this class.

The second reason for this need of God is control, control over life & everything else related. Man has always desired things to go his way but things sometimes do go against him. A Mr. Murphy even gave a law on this. It states: ?If anything can go wrong, It will.?

Man has hoped for fulfillment of his desires & he needs to idealize his hope to which he prays & leaves all his worries. Somebody who you can worship in the morning & have the mental peace throughout the day. Superstitions are thus, given birth. To do something against the daily timetable will be a bad omen is usually held. This need of a glorified ideal is ?fulfilled? by God.

The only people who really need ?God? today are the politicians. Causing communal disharmony in the two or more synonyms of his name to enlarge their vote-bank is done with no regrets. Think of people who have been committing fraudery in his name. Such people who do miracles are constantly being caught & exposed. Sai Baba, the revered one of Shiridih, was exposed of his illicit sexual acts. ?God? is increasingly becoming what I feared it would one day, a necessary evil.

According to Stephen Hawking, ?God? are the governing laws of nature & I finally believe that somebody is using this word in the right context.

If God is the creator, we are going to achieve it & I am sure of it Cloning will take care of it and our DNA will survive.
If God is the preserver, we can save anyone.
If God is the destroyer, then that is what we have become .Our capacity to self-destruct is unique.
(How paradoxical are these three truths.)

Anyway, I don?t believe we have much room for ?God? in our already over-frantic life. But I will still leave the final choice to you:

DO WE STILL NEED ?GOD??

blogging on a wet afternoon

2003-07-10T02:28:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Jurassic 5 - high fidelity

So here I am back in the saddle at my home and waiting for lunch. In the few minutes I have, lets squeeze in an update before my hunger and a secondary hunger of TV takes me away. Its becoming harder and harder for me to draw myself away from the TV watching movies all day on star movies and HBO. It has now blown to concerning proportions what with my folks trying to throw me away. It’s nice to see 3 movies a day. But then you have to stop somewhere.
So you probably would have read the drunken post before this. The sheer futility of trying sometimes takes its toll. I spent almost 2000 bucks to get to Delhi and back for zilch and well, when people start pointing you out as the detractor here when it definitely seems like a quirk of fate, the shit hits the fan.
Anyway, I downloaded some 3-400 MB stuff that night including the 3rd part of The Key , a really nice adventure game that I have been panting after for the last 2 weeks and the best part is that it is free. Its really scary to think that a game like myst equivalent in size although not in scope was made by a team of people and now, it is done by a guy in some months, that too part time in the nights while in college. The march of technology and the 2nd most important law after Murphy - Moore - scare me. First games were like, well, games. 2 hours of fun, loads of shooting, small enough for a floppy. Now they form a swarm of universes all by themselves. The other game mod that I downloaded was the Max Payne Kung Fu Mod 3.0 for my brother.
So now I am waiting for the latest version of yahoo to get updated although I believe it is causing some problems. Anybody else has slowdown problems while running Clcl, Runit 2.11 beta. Coolplayer 2.01, proximitron, AVG antivirus, flashget, Pulse, opera 7, Internet explorer at the same time? Hmmm. looking back at the question seems to give me the answer. he he.
Seems all. But one important thing. I am planning another blog to maintain daily. A sort of a popular culture thing where all my links, views and reviews of movies and music and basically our culture today will find place. Let us see where that leads.

drunken rant

2003-07-06T13:45:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Chevelle – the red

Aha, mutherfuckers! I have you now. What did you think that rage is not transcribiable. Well surprise mofos. I am so tired of all this shit.

Yeah I am tried of all this shit. Yeah I would like to blabber to infinity and would like you to hear it. Goddammit, you would hear it. Mutherfuckers I am the exhibitionist here. You are voyeuristic bastards on the search for people like us. Innocent mofos.

So I came to Delhi to give one last exam and guess what happened? My application wasn’t even received. Aha. More shit from family. Far more than I am made to handle. What my folks can never realize is the amount of shit we have to handle is a lot more and at a lot earlier stage than them. Its not about following parents blindly.

So we went to see a movie bruce almighty. Talks about the movie later. What is important is that dad wanted to take some books. So I talked my borther into taking ayn rand as required reading for a teen. The shit hit the Air conditioning when this happenned,
“ dad this is what I was hiding from you?”
“what?”
“ *my name on the latest issue of rock street journal is shown*”
“ I am confused”

the dire irony of this life. The climax when it becomes one big orgasm. I don’t know what to say. I am sent to one of the best schools in this country for quite a big part of my life and when I become this freak who is interested in so many things, I am told to do shit. No wait. I havwe to do shit. I don’t get it. Why show me the world in a demo version when I cannot have the full version. No cracks for it.

Ya u guessed it. I sent my dad off from the movie and got drunk. In a neraby bar where a guy was playing house/trance and they finally kicked me out when it was getting too late and here I am writing down my rage. Ha.

I want to scream.
I want to fuck this world so hard that their moms come out of their nose holes one piece at a time.

I tried to buy the complete works of kahlil gibran and I was told to lay off. Frankly I am tired of this life and if you people don’t transcend virtuality into reality or suddenly intelligent people strat popping all over this country, I am going to suicide very soon.

Yes, I am drunk. What are ur problesm? Go away mutherfuckers.

beginning of the end

2003-07-03T04:31:00.000-07:00

Listening to: taproot - poem

Just when you think that you are all comfortable and settled, the upswing comes and takes you away.
Seems like the ghost of the city is not leaving me. I am going to exorcise to for one last time. There is still one exam left to be taken care off and that is why I am going there. In the 4 days I will be there I intend to do the bye-byes I missed last time in the hurry and leave it behind. And I will be hopefully back here by the 8th morning.
Reminds me of those nice little things in life which don't matter but are the additions. There is this particular confectionery near to my place where I regularly go for shakes when I am around here. And that being so little it is usually once every time I come to my home. The brothers handling the place have kids of their own and I always have a nice chat on their future plans for their kids. Its become this really rare sort of a relation where one thing is stationery. The rock of our life made out of crystal for reflection. I can come back again and again and nothing changes there. And they can see me at regular intervals trying to do something with my life and changing. Constantly.
If I get time I will write from Delhi too. Meanwhile, I have a train in exactly 1 ½ hours. Its strange.
But talks about exhibitionism and voyeurism later.

circumstance

2003-07-02T12:40:00.000-07:00

listening to : cave in - anchor

Here's what I am up to. After the fatalistic stint in Delhi - the capital of India - I am back in hometown, Patna. The year behind me cannot be summarized in a paragraph or so, at least not now. So I will most probably dissect it down in the time I am idling here. What I do know is that I did not do what I was sent to - study. What I did do was what I wanted to - experience and see what I can do.

Check out www.randomaccessmemory.com

Leaving me in a predicament, which is not very favorable here. In all the competitive exams which I appeared for, none of them went too well. My family expected me to cause some avalanches. I have a reputation in the family of being one of the better than average students. And after the nonperformance, here is what I am listening,

" I knew it. He may have a knowledge of everything else but he is bad at studies."

" I told you people not to put so much trust in him. He was never that good. And now you spoiled him"

" He was blinded by city lights."

And the best part is that I am enjoying all this. I am enjoying people trying to reason my behavior while they don't know anything as to what happened and what I DID do in the year. Know what? When people try to question me, I just give them the answers that they want because it is very rare that somebody is interested in the answer. They just want a affirmation of what they have already formed an opinion of. So I always have this cred of being answerable only to my folks. And now, I don't know if this normal teenage attitude or what - and I know bytey is going to be at the opposite end of the argument here - but I am not going to answer anything to my folks too because they won't understand. No seriously. What we have here is more than just a generational gap. It's also a major perspective change.

Here is a primer on Indian family structure. Most of the families in my state's towns and cities (Which is the worst state in this country for the record. It is a wasteland, badland or whatever else you can say) have a house and relatives in the state capital. Most of all the families in the state capital have a house and relatives in the capital of the country as well as people in the US or other foreign countries.

So my uncle in US called me up today. He has helped me out a lot and he is the one who is egging me on to be serious about my life and wants me to do the brain drain thing. That was therapeutic. So I finally got the daylight savings time query cleared out. I am amazed at the ways Americans can deceive themselves into some more hours of fun. Reminds me of our study time in school just before exams when the electricity use to fail and we would all be swearing at our luck and happy inside that we had a legitimate reason for not studying.
So anyway he heard me and finally someone was happy for what I did. What I needed an affirmation in (as I already had an opinion) was the big question, "Did I waste my year?" and he told me no. Working around and basically experiencing a lot of the world first hand which was missing since school has done me good. Maybe unconsciously this was always my desire. And in a foreign country, this would have been an ideal setting. But in my country where damn degrees matter over personal talent, its of no use.
The main cause for this is population. The sheer number of students trying to make a life is staggering and it hurts. From the start, it has been one of my main problems. In a crowd of swarming millions, who has the time to individually see your ratings? That is why degrees and colleges matter here. It is automatically taken that you are brilliant if you are in one of the top ranked colleges along with a bunch of other people. Who cares what grade you got? For a long time I have had a discussion with one of my LGs and I always defended population. Now when reality sets in, I see the light.

teoti missionaries

2003-07-01T13:04:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Don Davis Vs Juno Reactor - burly brawl

Time for update. I finally got my home connection working and now seem to be set for some days Murphy's Law notwithstanding.

What if I use the phrase 'Murphy's Law' as regularly as expressions concerning god? I think the reason 'oh, god' or other such other phrases enjoy their widespread popularity without becoming repetitive is because they are small and 2 syllable. I mean this is the same conundrum as posed by the guy in one of the Terry Pratchet books. It's a real pain in the ass to write 'oh, the-quantum-fundamental-metaphysical-law-governing-the-universe'. That is one problem most atheists have to get around.

First thing I did was to update my teoti blog after I saw the old format returning. Nice to see it back. Although I believe the forum format would have helped in longer discussions which I don't see a lot of here. Mostly people here follow Calvin's observation of shortening attention spans.

A discourse on killer apps and the net will follow in some days.

Working on a phone line is a tone down and tells me a lot about taking things for granted which I am guilty of. I have been reading Sophie's World, a quite good novel giving an introduction to the history of philosophy and it tells us not to take things for granted and see the world through the eyes of a child which. That is what a philosopher does to wonder at the world and question. Hey, for what its worth, I am even developing a theory of my own. But that's for later. Beer and Bandwidth - the 2 most basic needs of a man are not being fulfilled anymore. Have to get used to it.
I have got a new toy to play with. My brother got a webcam out of somewhere and although it is not very top of the line, I am enjoying it. It's a Logitech USB thingy and can take motion videos too. So if anyone has any games or ideas to make me the perfect cam whore, I am all ears. I may even use it in one of my subsequent posts.
Talking of people on the net, I bet a lot you teotians must have turned other people to this abyss of no return. So here is my list for consideration. There is fountainhead who is currently studying Engineering 3rd year and posts occasionally. There is hedonist and boojum who are my batchmates out of which Hedonist seems to be doing the daily quote and question and joke thing. Both of these guys are pursuing B.A degrees in Economics (honors) and English (honors). Who else? There is a certain vermin who logs on occasionally and mostly lurks.
That seems to be it. I know at least 30 other people who registered on teoti just thinking that it is a mp3z/aapz/crackz/ site or something because I would be downloading a lot.
So what about others?

of falling towers and reducing speeds

2003-06-30T12:27:00.000-07:00

listening to : roy orbitson - pretty woman (in a shitty cyber cafe)

And while my download rolls away at speeds only snails after a bong hit can match, I intend to write something down.

My home PC's modem has been taken away for some days now after it a blew a fuse or something somewhere and I could not connect to the net. So my daily walks to this cyber café and now I am using it to download drivers. The support guys had just came over and installed a new modem but surprise. Not everything can be hunkydory and murphy's law kicks in. they didn't bring the drivers guessing that I already had them or something. DUH. Whatever it is their duty is to do things completely and they r Taking customers so lightly.
Anyway, this has been my barrel of woes since I have left Delhi and returned to my hometown Patna. Can you believe this, there is no cable line service here or DSL for that matter. The best you can go is to get an ISDN line or if your dad knows the rulers of this wasteland or Bill Gates than maybe a t1 line. It's a wasteland believe me. My state is one of the most backwards in this country and if you ever want to see exactly where all that money those NGOs and UNESCOs take its here.
And now even the government is bent on destroying whatever it is left. India could have developed a great tourist industry which is far below its potential right now but guess what? The government is bent on taking away even whatever it is based on. Let's face it. Whoever comes to India, most of them have heard of Taj Mahal and now the state government wants to build a mall behind it deviating the second most important river, Yamuna from its course. I just don't get it. What do they think? That the bloody Americans/Europeans would be missing their malls and their cultural exports so much here? Mutherfuckers.

So anyway, all is not well in slipgunland. (Vy, you realize this is intended as a comment to you) My cable operator's selection of channels limits to around 50 and of them I watch around 10. And every channel is being received perfectly except for 2 which I watch and which I don't think the linguistically challenged community here would even need. HBO and Star World. Oh yes, guess his explanation? Well he says the signal is being infringed.
Let me make this clearer. My house is very near – and when I say near I mean it – to a TV tower. Its almost like you can jump off the tower and commit suicide and splatter yourself on my terrace thus providing me much needed relief from having it painted and done. (Reconstruction is going on. Expansion of the house to let it on lease).

Trivia : you can sit outside and watch the tower and if the clouds are going by, it gives an illusion of falling down on the viewer. Nice, scary and ethereal.
So my cable operator says that the signal is being infringed and goddamn he is right. I started messing around and actually, HBO's picture was being overlaid by the audio transmission. So it was nice to see Clint Eastwood spout some ethnic dialogues.

Meanwhile my download nears completion. I write more when I reach home and get the PC connected.

2003-06-10T15:09:00.000-07:00

PANTERA To Issue 'Best Of' CD Through RHINO

Veteran metallers PANTERA, who have been the subject of breakup rumors for the past couple of years, will be issuing a "Best Of" CD on September 9 through Rhino Records, a subsidiary of Warner Music Group. The tentative track listing for the album, titled "The Best Of Pantera: Far Beyond The Great Southern Cowboys Vulgar Hits", is as follows:

01. Cowboys From Hell
02. Cemetery Gates
03. Walk
04. Mouth For War
05. This Love
06. I'm Broken
07. Becoming
08. 5 Minutes Alone
09. Planet Caravan
10. Drag The Waters
11. Where You Come From
12. Cat Scratch Fever
13. I'll Cast A Shadow
14. Goddamn Electric
15. Revolution Is My Name
16. Hole In The Sky

TESTAMENT Singer Jams With HALFORD At Hollywood Gig

TESTAMENT vocalist Chuck Billy joined HALFORD on stage during the two bands' gig at the House Of Blues in Hollywood, California Friday night (June 6) for a rendition of the JUDAS PRIEST classic "Rapid Fire". TESTAMENT had previously recorded a version of "Rapid Fire" for the JUDAS PRIEST tribute CD "Legends Of Metal - A Tribute To Judas Priest", released through Century Media Records in 1997

FREDDIE MERCURY Gets An Erection

A statue honoring late QUEEN frontman Freddie Mercury has been erected at the Dominion Theatre in London, home of the stage show "We Will Rock You", according to Undercover News. Brianmaynews.com reports the statue is eight meters tall (approx. 27 feet) and was placed at the Dominion in Tottenham Court Road on Saturday morning to be unveiled Wednesday, June 18. It is expected QUEEN members Brian May and Roger Taylor will be on hand to unveil the stature.

Guns 'N Roses Tribute CD Line-up Finalized
Dillinger Escape Plan, Shai Hulud, Most Precious Blood, Rye Coaltion, Vaux, Aaron Turner of Isis, Taken, Time in Malta, Nora, Every Time I Die, God Forbid, Haste, and one more secret special guest are included in the line-up of the upcoming Guns 'N Roses tribute CD. Release date will be in 2003.

Static-X Announces Name for New Album
"Shadow Zone" has been announced as the title of the upcoming Static-X album due later this year.
Alien Ant Farm Chooses New Album Title
TruANT has been set as the title of the upcoming Alien Ant Farm album. Release date is mid-August.

Hammett Explains "Why There Are No Solos?"
METALLICA's Kirk Hammett recently explained to Holland's Rockezine.net why there are no guitar solos on the band's new album, "St. Anger". "The reason for that is because again we wanted to move together all four of us in the same musical direction," he said. "We also wanted to preserve the sound of the album. When we tried to put overdubs on the album and put guitar solos on the album it kind of…it sounded like an afterthought, you know? Like something was put on after we created it. It stood out. We wanted to preserve the sound of all four of us in a room just jamming. Spontaneously together. To put production stuff on top of that just didn't sound right. We tried to put guitar solos on, but we kept on running into this problem. It really sounded like an afterthought." Asked if he's satisfied with how the record came out, Hammett said, "Oh yeah, absolutely. I'm so proud of this album. It freaks me out. I haven't been this proud of an album since 'The Black Album', I must say. I mean, the 'Load' and 'Reload' era for us was such a reaction to our first five albums. We didn't want to do what we had been doing: play fast, over the top and aggressive. If anything, the 'Load' and 'Reload' era was a big experiment in hard rock. We needed to do these two albums for us to make 'St. Anger'. If we would have made 'St. Anger' in the mid-nineties, it wouldn't have been fresh and as exciting for us as it was now. It would have felt like doing the same old thing. We needed to balance it out. When we finally got around playing fast and aggressive again, it sounded fresh. You need to get to point A to be able to make point B sound better, you know?"

Korn's new track "Did My Time" is set to be featured on the soundtrack to the upcoming "Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle Of Life" movie. A video for the cut is expected to be shot this week with Dave Meyers (Kid Rock, Papa Roach) directing, while the song will impact at radio on June 24th. "Did My Time" is taken from the bands recent sessions for their upcoming new album, which they are self-producing. Korn's new album is expected out later this year through Immortal/Epic.

2003-06-07T11:44:00.000-07:00

listening to: from zero - one nation under

I finally get around to writing something more personal. Well the week I was away in the end of May, I had gone to Bangalore. The much needed break away from civilization.
The train journey alone took 40 hours. So make that 80 hours of solace and a private hell. With the temperatures touching 47 degrees, you realize the essential futility of trying. A burning hot journey already overcrowded by students from the inner reaches of the country - over 50000 pupils landed up for the exams - and in the midst of all this madness, a strange comfort of aloofness. I needed a break. I got it. I need to refocus on what I had done with my life and what I had to do.
Its not a very good feeling when in the middle of the night when everybody around is rolling and rocking with the train and studying to death for the exam, you wake up. Literally. Wake up to the mess you have created in your life. A purely hedonistic way of life misbalancing the essential equilibrium and confidence others had in me. For the past so many years, my parents never asked me or questioned me. Now they have reason to do because I am not very sure of myself. I have to confide in it. It is not very nice to know that you are a complete loser in every field of everything which you had intended to do and started the year for. More disorienting are the rolling train tracks beckoning you to jump on them and become another piece of pulp.
That depression didn't exactly stop there. It became a waking nightmare. All those things which Vy wrote about judgment came back to me. Every place I lived, everyone I met was a loser to me. A whole company of losers and I had become complacent in it. I was trying to judge people by my yardstick and all I could see was the bad part in them. The part which had become nothing.
How I wanted to smoke or drink and do the very normal human things to keep in control.
Reaching there went to my brother's place and we got some meat and beer for the night. 2 bottles of beer later, I picked up the urge to go and call each and everyone on my diary. A early dinner and I was again off to sleep dreaming a lot of weird stuff.
2 am. These are the things why I tell people to relax. Chronic headache. Symptoms: anxiety, depression, and most importantly - guilt pangs. In the middle of the night, I woke up to my private hell. I could not share it with my family. For all they know, I am this weirdo who is not going to listen to them and is on a endless trip of ecstasy. It started hitting me again. How I wasted my life. The torment never ended.
The next day, went to meet one of my old friends. Old timers would remember me posting about the girl who asked me to marry her. Well she had shifted to the same city. Her dad came to know that she was in a relation and - expect stumpy's comment here - moved her to another city. Don't ask me. It is just the way orthodoxy still prevails in Indian society. Meeting her after such a long time was a nice experience. I tried to talk some sense into her about not loosing the will of trying setting myself as an example not to be emulated before the whole conversation became ironical. A lot of it was center on the concept of independence, a subject which I can tackle later. She was pretty depressed too. Then she told me something I was expecting to justify her behavior. She had a bad break off some years back and wanted to get even with boys since then. (Why does everyone want to take revenge on someone else for something else. I am pretty sick of it all).
In these testing conditions, I called up one of my juniors and asked him to meet up. Luckily at the mall, we met up with 2 more of my friends who were in similar conditions and very cool with it. Now Bangalore has over 2000+ pubs and it was time for me to turn to the only stable source. It was a good reunion. A junior updating on all the shit which had taken place in school since I left and the other 3 seniors laughing at their own misery. I was not setting a very good example but at this stage of my life I hardly cared. You have to understand the non-involved, aloof, on-my-own-trip persona I had in school and the fall down I had caused.
This was one of the main problems since I had the nervous breakdown some days ago. I knew I had taken the step to become as average as I can be. I had crumbled under whatever life had put up on me. And it is not nice to realize your frailties and making a fool of yourself in front of total stranger and closest people at the same time. I had become this human like everyone else. For all I knew, I could possibly be smoking next.
Hopping pub to pub, after 3 or 4 of them we decided to have some good ice-cream. You won't need a description if I told you the names. 'Death by chocolate'. Man that was HEAVY. As it grown very late, the closest open eating joint was pizza corner. And on top of it all, it had a whole jazz setting with all the heavyweights framed there and the ambience harking to the old stuff. I gave them 'battle of los angeles' and asked them to play it. In that grey daze of inebriated consciousness, I could see Louis Armstrong do mic check.
The next day was pretty much spent half when I woke up as the previous night had been spent on his PC. I gave my exam, copied some CDs of my junior, and went to see x-2. The next day was again spent in exams and caught my train in the evening back to Delhi.
It helped me shift my perspective in control. The first thing I wanted in my life was discipline which as will see, I try with first doing this thing everyday.

2003-06-06T07:56:00.000-07:00

Listening to: team sleep - the passportal

Continuing in the veins from yesterday, here is a change for me but not for most of the people who rant daily. Sorry midnight kitty, but I am still doing my daily dues. Today I am going to pick up WWE and Are You Hot? Ubiquitously American serials that tend to exploit whatever vestigial human characteristics are left.
WWE producers must have faced a human challenge when starting out. How to get the men watching infinitely long serials. Soaps worked but mostly on the womenfolk with their infinitely long plots, drawn out with so many characters that thing could never be unraveled. Once in this fictional world of real life bitching people, you could never be too updated about it.
On a tangent. It got me thinking about the relevance of information in context with time. You know how we - informationaholics - tend to be so finicky with the f5 button. People just have to know things as earlier as possible. People just have to have latest albums as fast as they can. Guilty as charged, I myself have DLed linkin park's meteora 5 days earlier and deftones' self titled (the best album this year) 3 days before. It is crazy to see how stock markets work on the basis for first information bringing another factor into the context of all this. Exclusiveness. Knowing something more than the next person makes you powerful. Ahem. Bacon must have loved that. But then with time information usually disseminates thus bringing the whole exclusiveness and time-relevance factors into one. We can get really philosophical here and start asking questions as to why is the data so important.
Another day, another time. Right now, I have to pick a bone with the producers of WWE and the chairman who I do not believe is Vince McMahon. Now enticing men to see long drawn soaps could only be one by putting in animal like characteristics.
Violence, the basic premise of WWE. Get so many able-bodied men and start fighting. However good it may have been in the earlier days with less politics and more fighting although the wrestlers always had a weird personality. This also gets the characters problem out with so many people fighting, aligning, grouping and doing everything that soap characters do. A personal observation is how the level of violence keeps going up. Blood becomes commonplace now in every other match.
Bring in sex too. Get female wrestlers, have some bikini matches and get them featured in playboy.
More basic instincts? Not basic but something very close to the impressionable youth, patriotism. The episode that I caught had some legless flag-waving fan of Mr. America mauled by piper's pit. Ah the reprehensions. The evil of attacking unarmed people. That too physically challenged. (Mentally too for taking the risk and the money from the producers. whatever, at least these guys are professionally trained to handle such stuff. dumb fucker).
Aha. Now u has a potent combination for mindless pandering of the first kind. Damn it even got me. I will not miss the judgment day featuring on Sunday having stretcher matches, bikini comps and some really royal rumbles.
Bringing me to the other show that I caught 2 days back late night on AXN. Are you hot? At first, I was pretty annoyed of the show. The very overtones of the show reeked of so much shit. Every competitor was a self-promoter so full of egoistic shit. Every judge was so brutal and had absolutely no diplomacy. Then when the host said, (quote) "there will be no bad Aretha Franklin renditions, no acting" that everything would fall into place. This show was the ultimate repartee to all other such talent hunts that were basically looking for looks and mold ability. They said about talents but underneath that it was still saleable content and the willingness of the person to become a commodity and no more a person.
Being out of the loop of the whole reality series and thus missing out on the whole degradation of TV, I could not see the sequence. 2 serials. Both very basic in their instincts.

2003-06-05T07:32:00.000-07:00

just to get into the flow of things, before doing a more personal journal entry, here is a rant on WWE and review of X2.
i went to see X2 in bangalore where i was for the last 7 days or so. so the whole trip will also be reviewed later.
disclaimer : i ain't no big fan of marvel comics. i have been following some of the comics and know almost all the characters but as a ardent comic book subsribing kid, that i ain't. even in the regional comics, i was following them till around 5-6 years ago. now their only value left is the novelty of being a comic book geek in the crowd of more hep people. the amount of fun of being a NERD in the crowd, yes.
and it is really weird how all these regional comics lift entire plots and characters from international ones on the basis of conusmer ignorance. and they r mostly right is the worst part of it all. a big chunk of kids reading these stuf are never exposed to the DC/marvel stuff here and so the story goes on. and it does not stop at this point. it is repeated in movies where copies are made, TV serials (one of them got sued lately. it was the costliest serial in indian history), and music.
a farther reach of education is a must when u see all this. from the stands, when you can observe the reselling of stuff in a inappropriate manner, then u realize the meaning of education. how education aims at bringing everyone at a common footing so that people can discuss from there on and thus the march of human understanding. education does not aim to factory mass produce kids for labor. but that is what is hapenning. giving a enivronment where all these things are available to a kid so he can come up to a common intellectual level and know the previous history of human development was the aim.
of on a tangent and see what it yeilds. getting back to the point, X2 - and i am gonna say it in the starting - was a ok movie. one of those which just gives momentary pleasure and cannot even try to be a masterpeice. it does try too hard to become and epic sort of thing but remains a comic book story where the plot does not matter because of the need for infinite continuity - a factor influencing soaps too - makes it too intricate to follow. the only plot of such movies which i had followed was mortal kombat. now that was a flic.
the very epitome of the plot was so wrong. alkaline lakes in alpine valleys don't and can't exis. somebody should have told brian singer that. bending rules for mutant characters is ok but u can't change nature dude. filling it up with loads of trivia for the comic fans and bombastic action sequences equivalent of 2-3 comic frames or the full page spread isn't gonna translate very well.
seems to be all. i am trying to create a daily regime sort of thing so expect me to be more regular.

2003-05-17T17:10:00.000-07:00

listening to : deftones - deftones

but i have to write. continuing from my previous post, i realize i have to write. if i don't i do the shit i am not used to. the 2 things that drive me to crazy, or the lack of thereof. deftones and a outlet of my pain. the cheese becomes more and more seeable as it progresses but it is the truth. u may play but this is my source and outlet and everything. this is my place and i kept myself away from it. tried to write but it never came out. told myself to sit down and write till i go crazy but no i have to keep myself away. broke my promise of doing what i want to. the only thing that i ever followed in my life. am i doing what i want to right now? hedonistic but true. teen but right in this age. who am i to brake away?

the guy has gone. after fucking around for pretty much the better part of an hour he has left. after i finally started downloading deftones' new album and sat down with him and let him blurt out that he wanted to make me feel the hurt which i have caused to his position. but it never hurt his psyche. no. its his pride which is hurt. fallen down in the eyes of the others.

what do u do when u fall down in your own eyes. what do u do when u crack up after years of hardening. or supposed hardenning. or maybe just pushing the whole teen thing for a later time thus knowing what is to come but in no way prepared for it and falling down and making the same mistakes as everyone did?

for starters, u don't cry over spilled milk. or the lack of it. yesterday i finished a lot of work and went to my friends' place to sit down and drink myself to death. for 2 days i had been in this huge bout of frustration which was not letting me enjoy my work or play. taking jimi hendrix as the idol and enough food to vomit positively, some friends pulled out. never mind. point is i drank enough to poison myself. but it never works where it should. it will never affect the correct geography. instead of my health, my mind got fucked and my frustration peaked and magnified and everything became so clear. the anwer seemed death. nothing more. nothing else.

i broke down. nervous breakdown. for the first time in my life, i was not in control. then u realize how important sane friends are. for the first time in life, i lost it. i was no more the epitome of control and the strength for everyone. i was just another sulking wanting teenager. getting used to the idea of it is so fearful that i am still not ready to confront it. getting used to myself again is fearful and circumstances demand immediate action. i don't have time to get back to normal, feel this is embarassing and then finally laugh at myself. i cannot go through these phases in 2-3 days or hours. i thought these rite of passages are not for me. i was always in control. no more. i fear myself. i know now that there are sometimes when i am not in senses. i know now that i can hurt myself.

if i don't smoke, it is because i knew i would not be able to my cigarette consumption. because i knew it is not in my reach. but i tried and tested the limits of my existence yesterday. in that state, for those revolting 2 hours of my lfe, i think i said something about my new job too working on the site and how it was taking a toll on me. my friends told me to to pushing myself when i don't have the need for it. but this is exactly the fatalistic streak which has grown in me unnervingly and unaware of myself. i have pushed my boundaries to see when i fall and i saw myself fall. i would not be here if it wasn't for my friends pushing balls of cloth in my mouth and restraining my limbs from all sides. shudder. fall. think about it. but don't do it yourself. i am scared of listening to songs again. i sense that state coming easier to me now that i have done it once. but that is not what i want to do. that is not my situation.

at this point of time, i can't say what i have done is good or not. it has made me fear myself. but i have found my limits. i have found what it happens when u burst a dam. when u start to give a damn. till the time i was cool and never to involved in people, this leak would not have hapenned. but that fucking gurl, she came and screwed everything up. i breached my wall and let one opening for once chance. and on the point of no return, it fell away. it just gave way.

go back to work son. get back to reality. overcome. first realize. when u realize - not question yourself out - the problem, then let the answer overwhelm you. then see if u r still teen.

2003-05-17T14:53:00.000-07:00

why does this happen to me?

why do all these people fom different frustarations of life have to end up at the door of my cafe. maybe it is becasue i am located at this weird place on the conjuction of high class apartments and a ghetto. now i have this weirdo who frequented my cafe and came in drunk at the ungodly hour of 3 am. i told his other friends to take him and now his friends turned out to be -in-laws to be who left after seeing his misdemanor and now this guy holds me responsible for creating a problem. the usual rounds of how his pride and position is lost in society and how he can have a whole gang of people to kill me right now follow.

i am surpised at these people. don't they know what they are doing. do they expect me to allow them to create a scene? but then it is no more scene. it is the amount of shit these people carry along with themselevs in the guise of society and its norms. the amount of time these people spend in creating a persona in public far removed from their inner sinner self and then watch it break and fall down. all i can ask is why? why all these false emotions? why all this work into something you are not? why don't they try to find a place where they belong, a dystopia of such low lifes who intend to go high up in the social chain but think they are following the right paths. they think contacts is everything. all i have tried all my life is to stay away from these people and they have tried to avoid me seeing that i am of a different background alltogether but this situation was coming. incite me and you face shit. your shit. this guy, however drunk knows that in this scenario, my only option was to tell people with him to take him away and knows that was he was doing was wrong but still expects me to understand. voila, communication gap el-pronto!

so this feeling is very uneasy. right now this guy has gone and is planning to do things and stuff and i am sitting and pouring my brains out on the net. is it the right thing to do for me? i can be hurt a lot tomorrow and maybe fucked up but no, i have to write.

2003-05-17T14:07:00.000-07:00

yehe!! although I have not gamed properly for some years now, after I logged on and started reading and browsing on the web, my skillz are rusty and memory going.

now lets see, a lot of the old timers r here. Doom, quake, blood, i think the best of the lot was blood. its intent was to scare and it damn well did that.

those simple addictive games are the worst of the lot. minesweeper, solitaire, they r so simple u just have to have one more try. i am warning u guys but if anyone wants to waste a lot of time, let me tell u about a game called icy tower. don't blame me after that.

daiblo and others of the ilk seem like starnge game to me where u just have to go on killin people and so on and so forth until it never ends. obviously, killing people in top down mode without any relish - say in comparsion to soldier of fortune which satisfied my bloodlust - is not my types.

right down with the strategy games. even they seem to be too long to me. the macro scale games like aoe2, c&c, i have ran from them. but the micro managment game, sims is like damn good. it makes u feel so good to control a guy's life. :D

game soundtracks are another damn good choice maker for me. it has to rock, plain and simple. till now its the bad games sector which have featured it and they r my new fad. downloaded dave mirra fresstyle bmx and could not leave it for some time. atleast 2 days i was oblivous to the world and its hapennings. happened to me again when i checked out tony hawk pro skater - now in its 4th avatar - and again when i checked out border zone which i think is the coolest game ever. EVER. its a skiing game and it so rocks. it has speed, style, awesome unlimited tricks, fucking good lighting and is probably the only for pc. its second coming - SSX2 - was released only on PS2.

break note - i only played this one time on PS2 when i went to one of my friend's house in west end, delhi. my take is that the thing demands more than normal tv. u got to have high res 60'' tv or nothing else. the game i played, some activision title on biking in the future was so fucking awesome. damn i miss gaming.

coming back to the soundtrack discussion, yup that has what has spurred me into the whole x-games genre and now i am hooked. all of them feature excellent bands like sublime, deftones, primer 55, etc. some of the games have entire soundtracks composed of one guy like carmeggedon 2 : carapocalypse now featured only iron maiden. not all games have to be good even if a good OST like the test drive and demolition racer series.

by far the best original game scores have been achieved in NFS. that title was what originally got me into the whole scene and i still remember nfs3 had a nice rock/techno score, nfs4 had a full on dnb/prodigy styled techno score and nfs5 had these beautiful electronic soundscapes. mfs6 has gone back to the liscensing ideas featuring rush and pulse ultra and a host of other nu-prog bands. not that rush is one too, hehe. the original racing game with which i started and which came free with compaq was moto racer. now that was good. it had a nice sense of hunour and some really crazy settings. that is important in a game.

ya i played commandos 2. infact it was one of the games i liked to watch never play. my brother is still into this whole genre of war games, be it strategy or close 1st person. he used to play commandoes and i used to sit down and learn about ww2. i got a bad habit of delta force 2 from him but the fucking software rendered was so bad. then i discovered rainbow six and SWAT and never played DF2 again. then there was this game called hidden and dangerous. i still have to check out the NKOTB, battlefield 1942. heard its pretty good.

one thing i have never gotten around to play is those sport simulations. don't know why but it seems a good idea to go play on the field then on the TV.

somebody talked about urban chaos. thats a bad game dude. considering there r far better adventure games. and th king of it all, or rather the queen, tomb raider. that was one of the first games i sat down with whoely when i bought a PC at home. i finished tr2 in around 10 weeks playing 2-3 hrs daily. that too the gold edition which contained the additional 6 levels and 5 levels in the original story. it was so fucking sweeping in tis expanse. it went all over from china to venice to sea rig to underwater sunk columbus ship to tibet and back to china. that was one fucking ride and i had got stuck in one of the venice levels. what i did was a glitch a undiscovered one. so i have to go back again. i tried tr 1 next and i still think thats the best of the lot. in terms of story and timing. but then u get fed up of block based puzzles. i saw my brother taking up tr4 and tr - the lost levels. i never went back after that. she was like my second virtual love after nfs. more adventure games that i checked out was indiana jones partially and myst. myst is too good. far too good.

yo RAhwolf, f-22 raptor got into for some time. think around a month it took me to finish it. some other games which i finished before coming to delhi and leaving thw hoel gaming habit was serious sam, crimson skies, MDK 2, and some other games.

serious sam was the only FPS which i liked. maybe because of its cool value and its amazing visuals. the others like quake3, unreal and halflife were never that great for me. serious sam had attitude, zany secrets and super hevay villains. it was far too unworldly. and i was hearing about the serious engine for years now. how it could handle over 100-200 characters on one screen, how deftly it handled inner room and outer field trackings in one go (if u go back and check, adventure games like tomb raider could only handle inner room maps while quake was totally field based).

that is all i seem to remember right now. more nostalgia will leak in some time. :D

2003-05-15T10:04:00.000-07:00

MOVIES II

in around 10 minutes, i will leave to see 2 towers.

that about sums up what i have been upto for all this time. one of those times when everything starts picking up speed and then you realize that maybe your life was probably too slow for starters and this is normal. but then normal is what normal defines.

continuing in the movies vein, i saw tears of the sun yesterday. if any one is wondering, why this sudden avalanche of movies, well its because i have started paying attention to them. TOTS is not a very good movie. in fact it tries very hard to be a good movie but is still mirred in hollywood jingoism and too much in it. yeah i know the intent and i appreciate the director for that but please spare us from so many steroetypes.

one scene was excessively brutal. a mother's breast had been cut off so she could not feed a newborn thus very effectively nullifying future resistance by tribals against the rebels. that scene did a lot. even if it was a mediocre effort, it makes you think about it. how in a war you can effectively potray good and bad. it is not as simplistic as hollywood would want to believe. want us to be believe. sometimes the lines are not clear and even if you try to help, you maybe taken as the enemy. point is that the innocent should not be harmed in any case. and they r taken too easily. civilian casualities is a word as vulgar as its usage. whatever, i liked the treatment of the movie. it was cheesy at moments but as a nice timepass, it definitely made you think. oh and not to forget the lush green landscapes which most probably is hawaii and not nigeria.

cliche's galore :
1. the doves flying while murder,
2. the captain-its-a-pig-hahaha and you r fucked fake,
3. the corny boob showing angry young doctor who says they have t take a break when they godamn know that people r behind them to kill and even she is in danger.

you know thats what i learned yesterday. when you involve women, shit is bound to occur. it happens without fail and will happen till women show that they r no more a commodity then money, land or such things which men have fought over for so much time. pardon me ladies but this bitterness is out of a totally teen reason which i know is teenish and i know i will laugh but under the influence, everything changes. all senses are heightened. even if i try to put my hurt behind me, it just rises at these times and then i have to drown myself into work. so much of it that i don't think about anything else.

2003-05-15T09:33:00.000-07:00

gates touts new secure computing system

NEW ORLEANS (AP) - Consumers shouldn't be worried that Microsoft Corp. (MSFT)'s new security technology will wrest control of their PCs and give it to media companies, Bill Gates said Tuesday. They can always choose not to use it, he said.
The Microsoft co-founder expects consumers as well as governments and businesses to embrace the system, which hard-wires security into silicon chips rather than just software. It's designed to offer unprecedented levels of protection against hacking and eavesdropping.
"This is a mechanism that if people want to use, for example, to protect medical records, they can use it," Gates said in an interview with The Associated Press. "It's a lot of work to do this stuff, and we think consumers will want those privacy guarantees. If they don't want them, then fine, ask me about our other work.

windows OS roadmap
A Japanese site has (bravely) posted some screenshots and video footage of the new UI features in Longhorn and exactly how it behaves. You can see from the screenshots and videos that the Windows in Longhorn can be stretched, flipped and spun around. At the end of the screenshots and videos is a note to show this is infact build 4015. Indicating this kind of UI is already available in Longhorn builds at the moment. However this build is different to the build that leaked to the internet a few weeks ago, this is a Lab6 build whereas the leaked edition is a main build.
The shots and videos show that core to Longhorn itself is the element of it's new UI developing. The fact DX9 can handle this kind of animation and the animation we have seen in technologies like the slideshow on the sidebar is amazing. As Longhorn is currently at Milestone 5 I am sure between now and Milestone 7 we'll see these kind of animation features of the next Windows even more. I'm not sure if we'll see these kind of windows animation features for the final product but this is a demonstration of just how powerful the animation effects in Longhorn will be...
openoffice now open to scripting
penOffice, the group behind the Open Source office suite, has started a new project based on scripting and macros for the OpenOffice software. Up until now most talk about scripting and macros has occurred on the dev(at)api.openoffice.org list, with scripts being mailed directly to OpenOffice.org. This new system creates a repository for any scripts and any discussion relating to them.
gates goes from geek to chic

Granted, Microsoft chairman and chief software architect Gates doesn't have quite the crazed charisma of Apple Computer CEO Jobs. But the new prototype computer Gates was fondling in front of hundreds of hardware developers on Tuesday looked so much like a Mac that it was impossible not to draw comparisons between the two men and their machines.
The parallels went further than just a sexy computer on display and a crowd of enthusiastic onlookers who obviously couldn't wait to get their hands on it. During his opening keynote speech at the 12th annual Windows Hardware Engineering Conference, Gates also talked about the importance of designing visually appealing, easy-to-use PCs and software.
"Whoa, did I get on the wrong plane and end up at MacWorld?" wondered hardware developer Frank Copper. "Since when does Microsoft care about how computers or software looks? Someone has obviously hacked and reprogrammed Bill."
p0rn0 king patents p0p-ups

If you hate pop-up ads, you might blame Brian Shuster. A long-time figure in the Internet pornography world, Shuster recently received a patent for the ad format and is now looking to make some money off the sites that use it. And that’s just the beginning — Shuster has a long list of pending patents, including one for pop-up audio ads that cannot be turned off.
the road to longhorn

At the Windows Hardware Engineering Conference (WinHEC) 2003 trade show in New Orleans in May 2003, Microsoft finally revealed its roadmap for Longhorn, the next major Windows desktop version, and the successor to Windows XP. Longhorn, as readers of this site know, will be the most dramatic and exciting release of Windows ever, and the most important update to the product since Windows 95. As I noted in my first Longhorn preview, published almost a year and a half ago, Longhorn has long been wrapped in mystery, with conflicting reports about the product's features and an unprecedented number of purposefully forged screenshots, video clips, and technical documents. In that first preview, I played the role of debunker, forced to document the many Longhorn fakes out there, explain why they weren't real, and then detail the information about Longhorn I knew to be correct. This year, things are becoming more clear, thanks to a suddenly open and communicative Microsoft, and the all-to-obvious fakes are fewer. So here's what we know about Longhorn, circa mid-2003.
new hacking tool sees the light

BERKELEY, Calif.--A Princeton University student has shed light on security flaws in Java and .Net virtual machines by using a lamp, some known properties of computer memory and a little luck.
An attack requires physical access to the computer, so the technique poses little threat to virtual machines running on PCs and servers. But it could be used to steal data from smart cards, asserts Sudhakar Govindavajhala, a computer-science graduate student at Princeton who demonstrated the procedure here Tuesday.
new survey unveil's email users perception

Email Users Favor Delete Key, Would Prefer Unsubscribe Option from ISPs and Express Interest in Improved Delivery of Critical Communications According to Bigfoot Interactive/RoperASW Results.
In addition, women were nearly twice as likely to use the "Report Spam" or "This is Spam" button/link (6.2% women vs. 3.4% men) or set a filter against pornography (6.1% women vs. 3.1% men). (WTF)

2003-05-15T09:17:00.000-07:00

The Deftones were joined on-stage by Taproot frontman Stephen Richards for a performance of their track "Teething" at their recent show in Detroit, MI. The Deftones also attempted an earnest yet failed cover of their very early and rare track "Linus" at the same perfomance. The Deftones will release their self-titled new album through Maverick next week on May 20th.

2003-05-15T09:15:00.000-07:00

NIRVANA: Unauthorized Interview DVD On The Way - May 15, 2003
An unauthorized NIRVANA DVD, titled "Nirvana - The Untold Stories", will be released in the U.S. on June 17. The DVD, which is not an official release by NIRVANA's label, Universal Music, reportedly contains rarely-seen interview footage purged from various archives, and includes no musical content from the band. The 60-minute DVD will have a list price of $19.99 and will also be released on VHS.

2003-05-15T09:12:00.000-07:00

Patrick: Just give me five bands. Five bands you’d love to play with.

Serj: I think Bjork is amazing. I think Jim Morrison and the Doors would be amazing to be on stage with (laughs) I’m just searching right now. Frank Zappa maybe. Bill Lazlo and Zakhir Hussein I already got on stage with them and that was amazing. I don’t know if you know who Zakhir Hussein is. And, Bill Lazlo used to own Axium Records, done a lot of very cool underground work and world albums. And, dubbed stuff and remixes and all sorts of stuff.

2003-05-15T09:11:00.000-07:00

BEATALLICA: THE BEATLES Songs Done METALLICA Style - May 15, 2003
BEATALLICA, the anonymous two-man band that plays "BEATLES tunes done METALLICA style", have posted a total of seven tracks in MP3 format atthis location The songs available for download are as follows:
01. Sgt. Hetfield's Motorbreath Pub Band
02. A Garage Dayz Nite
03. For Horsemen
04. No Remorseful Reply
05. The Thing That Should Not Let It Be
06. Everybody's Got A Ticket To Ride Except For Me And My Lightning
07. ...And Justice For All My Loving
The group, who choose to stay anonymous in order to avoid possible litigation from METALLICA and BEATLES' high-priced lawyers, reportedly consist of two guys who have their own separate bands and do this purely for fun. Look out for more BEATALLICA material shortly, including such soon-to-be-classics as "Got to Get You Trapped Under Ice", "Leper Madonna", and "Blackened the USSR".

2003-04-06T10:15:00.000-07:00

there is no connection. this is the worst thing that can happen to me. it makes me sit back and relax and with all those xtra time, reflect on what did with my life and then eventually get dperessed. its like this vicious circle of cocaine. have work, get moving, be happy. as soon as u fall behind and u see the pillars u have created in ruins. it wastes. life does. empty time gives my mind place to fuck.
i am sleepy. damn sleepy. i think i never noticed but this took a physical toll at me. all these hours of sitting here. i have almost worked my way into kingdom invertebrae. i cannot sit straight. i cannot sleep straight. i have to slouch by compulsion. my bio clock is so fucked, i have seriously become narcoplectic. my food/sleep cycles don't exist and days go when i don't need sleep. and then there r those days. the ones i can't trace. the ones i have lost in my life and there r no records. the ones which just point their sore finger up in the calendar. i have started marking them. sometimes i wake up in park benches, sometimes in the back of friend's house. but the days are lost, forever.
in my pursuit of mental knowledge, i think my body lost its bearing. what i really want now? a good massage to take the tension out of my body.
there is so much to say when this would have been a week back. in my worst state of mind since i was born, i had become so suspectible. i was lost and confused inside of me. there was absolutely no problem. nothing standing between me and my aims. if i would have wanted to hit the gurl, nothing was stopping me. if i wanted to study, still nothing. but something inside of me was fucked and was really angry and this torment had grown to garangutan porporotions causing mood swings, general depression. yes i took the easy way out. got drunk. didn't help me. what was the point of drinking if it couldn't help me think? realize.
finally, it took me 3 hours of self actualization. not that i moved to a forest. i just went to a local mall and enjoyed the stares. people find it hard that a guy is sitting all by himself and doesn't have a companion. because it is either a gurl or a cigarette/drink.
then it hit me. we r humans. and we need something to fall back on. at the end of the day, all i want is to crawl into someone's lap instead of my bed. all everyone wants in someone else for emotional support. Dependence. and until now i had not given a fuck about anything else. now suddenly i was panting and hoping to meet a gurl and generally make a mess.
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THE CONNECTION IS BACK. WHO WANTS TO BE FUCKING SAD!! ENJOY PEOPLE.

2003-04-03T18:35:00.000-08:00

theatre of war
by indrajit hazra

or five minutes or 20 ? depending on whether you’ve been unconvinced or not by the arguments cited by the Bush administration for invading Iraq ? try and forget why you oppose or support the war. Much will continue to be written along that frontline, despite the fact that no matter what you read or hear, you are very unlikely to change your position on the matter now. Instead, let’s move on to the subject of the unprecedented images of war that television viewers are now spectators to. A slew of disturbing visuals has led some to coin the term ‘war porno’ ? more of a moral tag than a real description. But it can’t be denied that as the war is piped live into households, TV viewers have been left shocked and awestruck (dictionary meaning: filled by an emotion compounded of dread and wonder) at being transported up-close and personal to the theatre of war.
Like the previous conflict in Iraq 12 years ago, this one, too, is being viewed in near real-time. Unlike Gulf War I, however, the images and news relating to the conflict are continuous, ready for viewing whenever you are. So the priority is not so much whether one gets the bigger and ‘correct’ picture (which only healthy intervals in between the minutiae of action can hope to provide) but whether one gets ‘fresh feed’ ? warts, misinformation, disinformation, incomplete data, retractions, rumours and all. In other words, TV audiences sitting thousands of miles away from the war zone are left unprotected from a new kind of war-fog. So it’s no surprise that war-visuals fatigue is creeping in.
The confusion created out of the various images (many times conflicting) reflects how war really unravels ? a far cry from the drama of, say, Platoon. When we see American soldiers whooping with joy after destroying an Iraqi position in Umm Qasr, we believe that in that sub-conflict, the Americans are winning. Then after an hour, when we hear a Doubting Thomas (odds are that he’s a BBC journalist) questioning the ‘coalition forces’ having ‘secured’ the town, we get an altogether different picture.
Following the war in this manner is different from being bamboozled by the spin and counter-spin that flies out of different TV channels. If you saw Iraqis in Basra celebrating in front of coalition forces, it’s either CNN or Fox that you’re watching. If you see the people in the same town somberly lining up for water, you’re probably watching images from Al Jazeera on BBC. But the sheer pace of unfolding events leaves a different trail of confusion behind. Viewers end up seeing war as a game in which only the score is to be followed.
Last Sunday, when the Austral-ian cricket team was piling up runs against the Indians in the World Cup final on Set Max, the BBC images from Umm Qasr provided an alternate source of score-keeping. The live ‘ball-by-ball’ coverage of sniper exchange, night bombings, parallel narratives of press briefings, expert analyses and interviews left the viewer excitedly puzzled. This isn’t only because he’s been getting conflicting information or analyses, but also because the rate of information-as-it-comes being flushed into his system has been too quick and unfiltered.
Imagine a soldier being asked whether his division is meeting any resistance at 12 o’clock. He says no. The journalist relays this message to the TV viewer. Two hours later, the same journalist reports back that there is indeed news of heavy resistance. This is not an
old-fashioned retraction. It is simply a case of the situation having changed from 12 pm to 1 pm and the TV viewer being taken in tow with the changing tide of information. In effect, with information atomised into the smallest of intervals having no time to ‘cool and harden’, the bigger picture ? the scorecard, if you will ? that the general viewer is really interested in becomes a shimmering swirl that refuses to take any shape.
What adds to the confusion is a paradox. Reality TV, which is what television war coverage really is, has its aesthetic moorings in non-documentary films. So TV viewers watching a group of night vision-bathed Marines shooting their target in Nasiriyah will ? however odious some of us might find the comparison once we consciously start thinking about it ? compare the image with a sequence from, say, Ridley Scott’s Blackhawk Down, a film which is, in turn, based on the very real battle between American soldiers and Somalian warlords in 1993.
Is it so surprising (and despicable, as some suggest) that TV viewers end up comparing a real war with pretend-wars? For most people ? and this is not applicable to the many who live in the real war zones of West Asia or Africa ? movies provide the only yardstick to measure a real war.
Just before the ongoing war in Iraq, young American soldiers in camps in Kuwait reportedly watched war movies (ironically, they’re supposed to be ‘anti-war’ movies) like We Were Soldiers, Full Metal Jacket and Apocalypse Now for inspiration. This was a strange piece of news: first-time soldiers preparing to imitate art that imitates life ? and death.
Iconic images of war have been fundamentally different from any of the visuals that this war has thrown up till date. Eddie Adams’ series of black and white photographs showing a Saigon police chief shooting a Viet Cong captain pointblank in the head stunned Americans in 1968 and turned the tide of popular opinion against the Vietnam War. Similarly, Robert Capa’s famous photograph capturing the exact moment a bullet kills a Republican militiaman during the Spanish Civil War is another visual that is stashed with potent narrative. (One wonders what the reaction of TV viewers will be if they are to witness ? live ? something like that during this war.)
The updated-since-the-last-update visuals of the ongoing war lacks the running thread that tells ‘the story’. Part of this vacuum is filled up by commentary ? hardly of the same narrative class that a rich-in-details and as-close-to-the-real-thing that, say, Saving Private Ryan is. But real war ? and one is not even talking about the fundamental difference of ‘pretend deaths’ and ‘real deaths’ ? is never a Spielberg film.
All this is, of course, besides the point for most people watching the war on Arab TV channels. For them, the yardstick isn’t Lawrence of Arabia or Band of Brothers. Al Jazeera viewers are used to seeing images that are far more disturbing than those shown in the most ‘realistic’ Hollywood war movies ? never mind ‘real war visuals’ aired on western TV channels. Unlike Americans ? who, incidentally, last witnessed a real war in their backyard during their Civil War ? their counterparts sitting in Baghdad don’t need make-believe models to compare with their war coverage.
The second sequence of Stanley Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket ? a film which coolly shows the systematic dehumanisation required to turn men into killing machines ? follows a recruit, a (embedded?) reporter for the newspaper Stars and Stripes, who finds himself fighting in the Vietnam War.
While preparing for the movie, Kubrick had studied gun and military hardware magazines and followed the war on TV and radio. He told a journalist in 1968: ?It’s great that anything that goes on long enough that’s terrible and comes into the living room every night in vivid, sync-sound-dialogue newsreel form makes a big impression on people. It will produce a more active body politic.? A few months later, on being asked whether he was glad that American troops may be getting out of Vietnam, Kubrick ? remember, the maker of a classic ‘anti-war’ film ? simply and almost ruefully replied: ?Sure.? An end to the coverage of the Iraq war ? and thus an end to the war itself ? may elicit a similar response from many of us ‘concerned’ viewers.

2003-04-03T18:32:00.001-08:00

Sun Tzu: The real father of 'shock and awe'
By Marwaan Macan-Markar
BANGKOK

While the US-led war on Iraq may not yet have succeeded in its stated aim of "liberating" Iraq and destroying its weapons of mass destruction, it may have succeeded in breathing new life into the writings of an ancient Asian mind - the Chinese military philosopher Sun Tzu.
This week served up the latest about the Chinese thinker and general from the 5th century BC, who wrote the oldest military treatise on war, The Art of War; using knowledge he learned from fighting during China's Age of the Warring States.
Sun's work on war has punctuated the debate under way since it emerged that Washington's initial battle plans - given the name "shock and awe" - had not produced the desired results.
A commentary in Monday's Asahi Shimbun, a daily newspaper in Japan, is typical of those that acknowledge there is a Chinese link in Washington's armor.
"The 'shock and awe' operation, a massive barrage of bombardment launched at the beginning of the war on Iraq, is said to have been derived from Sun Tzu's military strategy," states the commentary, titled "The misapplication of Sun Tzu's strategy".
"This strategy is meant to achieve submission by causing the enemy psychological shock and awe before battle is even joined," it adds. But despite the "massive barrage of bombardments", the US plan "seems to have fallen far short of a successful application of what Sun Tzu recommended as the best war strategy".
The stiff resistance mounted by Iraqi soldiers in the key towns along the road to Baghdad reflects this reality. Furthermore, the US forces have suffered early casualties, with more than 30 deaths and seven prisoners of war, according to media reports.
Yet Sun enthusiasts disagree. They argue that the obstacles US-led troops have run into - from the failure of forcing Iraqi President Saddam Hussein's regime to collapse after a steady barrage of missiles and bombs, to the stiff resistance mounted by Iraqi troops - do not mean that Sun's strategy has failed.
"Much has yet to be seen before making any conclusions," writes an analyst for Sonshi.com, a website dedicated to Sun's The Art of War.
"Based on what we have seen, and despite criticism so far, [US military planners] are applying Sun Tzu's principles surprisingly well, adds the analyst, who did not want to be identified. "There is little doubt the Iraqi forces are overwhelmed at this point. It is just a matter of time before things start to collapse."
That is also the hope of the man who conceived the term "shock and awe" - Harlan Ullman, a US military expert. In 1996, Ullman co-authored a book, Shock and Awe: Achieving Rapid Dominance, for which Sun had been an intellectual source.
Since late January, the "shock and awe" theory has been gaining currency in the US media in relation to the war on Iraq. Ullman was quoted as saying that the level of force through air strikes would be devastating as to destroy the Iraqi military's psychological will to fight.
According to available reports, the "shock and awe" campaign demanded that by the end of the first two days, close to 800 Tomahawk cruise missiles would have hit the Iraqi capital, Baghdad.
A ground war was to be avoided by using this tactic.
On Saturday, Ullman told Canada's National Post newspaper that the previously untested "shock and awe" military strategy was "being inaugurated in Iraq in its most extreme form, at a level of intimidation on par with the 1945 nuclear attack on Japan" - also carried out by the United States.
An account of the "shock and awe" strategy on the US Department of Defense website amplifies how much it has been influenced by Sun's thinking. "Sun was well aware of the crucial importance of achieving 'shock and awe' prior to, during, and in ending battle," it states.
In fact, words used by US military officials to describe the nature of the massive aerial attack on Iraq in the first days - such as "decapitation" - can be traced to their attempt to use Sun's strategy. He called for "instant decapitation of military or societal target to achieve shock and awe", the Defense Department document states.
It draws upon one story to describe how Sun applied such force to achieve his end. In this case, the victims were two concubines in the court of Ho Lu, the king of Wu. They were beheaded to stamp out any resistance and to achieve conformity from the remaining concubines.
"The objectives of this example are to achieve shock and awe and hence compliance through very selective, utterly brutal and ruthless, and rapid application of force to intimidate," the document adds. "Decapitation is merely one instrument."
The analyst at Sonshi.com sees other elements of Sun's The Art of War in the current US-led push into Iraq. Sun's concept of "shock and awe" can be found in Washington's effort to triumph over the Iraqi regime with minimal confrontation.
But then again, Sun Tzu's military advice has been invoked in many battles before, from thousands of years ago.
China's first emperor, the samurai generals who united Japan, and Mao Zedong also used Sun Tzu's strategies. The US military also invoked some of his principles in the 1991 Gulf War, and more recently, books and theories have been written about how Sun Tzu's thinking can be used by the United States in its "war on terrorism" after September 11, 2001.
"I am not surprised that Sun Tzu's works have influenced the thinking in the US," says Robert Karniol, Asia-Pacific editor of Jane's Defence Weekly. "It is quite common."

2003-04-03T18:32:00.000-08:00

editorial in hindustan times
A hanging economy
April 3

The World Bank's Report on Global Development Finance paints a gloomy picture of the world economy in case of a prolonged war in Iraq.
The American economy, however, may not be badly dented by the cost of the war which, according to Yale economist Bill Nordhaus, could be between $30 and $105 billion (even $90 billion would only be 1 per cent of the US's GDP and not a fiscal disaster). In case the US wins in a few days, the markets are likely to perk up and oil prices may stabilise at around $25 per barrel which will benefit all oil-importing countries. This is, of course, only if America gains control over Iraq's oil resources. However, the continuation of war will mean volatility in the financial markets, business and consumer confidence remaining low and the postponement of fresh investment decisions. It could mean lower GDP growth in the US, higher unemployment and the stalling of President Bush's 'jobs and growth' package of $670 billion in tax cuts over the next 10 years.
As the report points out, the rest of the world will be adversely affected by a prolonged war, especially countries with a large inflow of remittances from the Middle East. Exports will be adversely affected and foreign investment flows will dry up. Growth prospects could be damaged and the capacity to absorb imports of goods and services from the US will diminish. The demand for dollars may decline, resulting in its fall against major currencies. The US could land itself with a big fiscal deficit (currently estimated at $246 billion) as well as a huge trade deficit, which will drag the entire world economy into recession.
A quick end to the war could brighten reconstruction prospects considerably and give a new thrust to global companies based in the US and Europe. Careful planning, however, will be needed for the reconstruction of Iraq. The Afghanistan experience is instructive in this regard. The per capita income in Afghanistan has fallen steeply from $300 in 2001 to $200 in 2002 and people have gone back to poppy cultivation for want of work. Its reconstruction will pose a new challenge for the US since the Marshall Plan spirit could be diluted if the war spawns religious fundamentalism and America's spending on anti-terrorism efforts escalates. Uncertainty will affect its markets and investments, and also of the rest of the world.

2003-04-03T18:30:00.000-08:00

Letter from Lebanon: Arabs See a Colonizer Army, Not 'Liberation'
By Rami Khouri, Pacific News Service
April 3, 2003
BEIRUT, Lebanon ? The Iraqi man who detonated a car bomb that killed himself and four American soldiers seems to have ushered in a dramatic new phase of the war in Iraq. But we should deal carefully with hyperbole that speaks of thousands of Arab suicide bombers coming to attack American-British forces. Some will try, for sure, but most such warnings probably reflect the heightened emotions of the moment.

There is clearly a profound wave of anti-colonial resistance sweeping much of the Arab world. For some, this may take the shape of indiscriminate terror, perhaps even an attempt at germ or chemical attacks on American soil. Much more certain and definable is the destructive dynamic unfolding in this region now.

The military superiority of the American-British armada leaves little doubt that Baghdad will be subjected to a siege and an assault, resulting in the overthrow of the current Iraqi regime. This is likely to come at a very high price for two parties: Iraqi lives and property, and American political standing in this region and the world at large.

The suicide bomber who killed himself and four American soldiers certainly defined his act as resistance to occupation, while the American-British command said it was an act of terror. This is an interesting but ultimately irrelevant distinction, because the invasion and the resistance it generates both will go on, regardless of how the two sides define their acts. More important is the transformed perception of the dynamic underway in the minds of most people in the Middle East.

Arabs and many others who oppose the American-British invasion do not defend Saddam Hussein, but rather the right of the Iraqi people to be spared from such unilateral assaults. The American-British armada also is being viewed increasingly in this region as an army of occupation ? and in some important ways it is behaving accordingly.

The suicide bombing has led American and British troops to be much more careful about coming into contact with Iraqis. The troops are more nervous and more trigger happy, as we witnessed when American soldiers shot and killed a number of women and children in a van at a checkpoint Monday. Television pictures show columns of young American and British troops walking through Iraqi villages with their guns drawn and loaded. Men who approach the soldiers have to take their shirts off, to show that they are not carrying bombs. Troops break down doors and rush into Iraqi houses, guns drawn and sometimes blazing. American and British guns shell entire Iraqi neighborhoods.

Tommy Franks, welcome to Nablus, the historic Palestinian West Bank city that became a symbol for Israeli bombardment, destruction and occupation last year.

The American-British army in Iraq is dangerously close to joining an ignominious list of modern occupation armies that generated fierce resistance from the natives, sought unsuccessfully to stay in place by the force of their superior firepower, and ultimately were driven out, dropped their imperial adventure, and returned home. The three most glaring examples of this cycle in recent memory are probably the Americans in Vietnam, the Russians in Afghanistan, and the Israelis in South Lebanon.

We already hear voices around the Arab and Islamic world asking for volunteers to travel to Iraq to fight and oust the invaders, just as tens of thousands of volunteers went to Afghanistan in the 1980s to oust the occupying Russians. Some have already made the trip, along with thousands of Iraqi men who have returned home to defend their country.

The common emotional response to the Iraq war throughout the Arab World has been one of anti-colonial resistance. This war is being seen widely as merely the latest phase of a long-running colonial drama by which Western armies invade, subjugate, reconfigure, and exploit the lands and resources of the Middle East. This may be a romantic, emotional notion, or it may be an accurate one.

Given the compelling historical lessons of the three other east, west and central Asian lands of Vietnam, Afghanistan and Lebanon, one would be a fool to be dazzled by the power and determination of a mighty nation that sends its army into distant Asian adventures. We should remember that these three other failed Asian episodes started with a superior military power occupying another land while repeating pleasant sounding rationales about security, democracy, liberation, prosperity and defending freedom. They all ended in humiliating failure at the hands of invaded men and women whose will to resist was greater than the invader's will to persist. The actions of both sides in the coming weeks may well reveal if we are moving in this direction.

2003-04-03T18:29:00.000-08:00

Redefining "terror"
In the propaganda war, Iraqi civilian deaths are either "terrorist tactics" or "collateral damage" -- depending on who caused them.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
By Robert Scheer

April 2, 2003 | "My own government," Martin Luther King Jr. said sadly, is "the greatest purveyor of violence in the world today." In a sermon a year before his assassination, King condemned the U.S. role in the Vietnam War, a war that had not yet reached its apex of violence, delivered mostly by U.S. non-nuclear weapons of mass destruction: fragmentation bombs, napalm firestorms, Agent Orange.
This time around, the weapons are somewhat different -- depleted uranium shells, cruise missiles and massive "bunker busters" dropped in populated areas -- but the "unintended" consequences are again disastrous for the people we are "saving."

The "terrorist" is generally considered such because he is indifferent to the fate of civilians. As the Iraqis, lacking B-52s and tens of thousands of bombs, turn to guerrilla tactics, their use of civilian shields properly horrifies us. Yet when civilians are terrorized in their homes by our high-tech explosives, their deaths and sorrow are considered beside the point, or "collateral."
When Iraqi civilians lose access to water and other necessities of life because of our bombs, we blame it on their evil ruler, as if that will prevent their getting cholera from drinking water from a polluted river.

We are told endlessly by our government's public relations machine that the "greatest care" is being taken to prevent civilian deaths, as if good intentions matter to the child whose mother is killed.
Language is everything here, as has always been the case with war propaganda, wherein the goal is inevitably the rationalization of unsavory means through the assertion of a noble end. To this end, we are on a mission to "liberate" the people of Iraq from a cruel dictator our own government supported, even armed, during decades of war crimes and human rights abuses.
After sweeping aside a U.N. disarmament program that was working, and now with the United States unable to produce evidence of Iraqi weapons of mass destruction, we find after-the-fact justification for our preemptive invasion in our talk of Saddam Hussein's desperate resort to guerrilla tactics.
How easy to forget that our own war for independence was largely fought by "irregulars" condemned as terrorists by the British because they would snipe from behind scattered trees rather than fight from the tight parade formations that were the civilized form of warfare in those days.
Ours is a long history of covert actions, political assassinations, special ops, anti-democratic coups and dirty tricks that are, even today, being used in Iraq. And we claim that the ends of U.S. policy are so noble that even clearly illegal means, such as a preemptive invasion, are justified.
Of course, the enemy also claims noble ends: God's will, defense of the national homeland, protecting one's family and land. The thing about pure causes -- that glorious end that justifies despicable means -- is that they tarnish so easily in the heat of battle.
The U.S. war in Vietnam began with President Kennedy dispatching 13,000 "aid" workers to help the South Vietnamese defend themselves and ended more than a decade later with a campaign of carpet bombing that cost hundreds of thousands of Vietnamese, Laotian and Cambodian lives -- a killing rage that its leading practitioners, from Robert McNamara to Colin Powell, conceded, long after the fact, was in no way justified.
As long as the meaning of "terror" exists only in the eye of the beholder, the function of the word is to subvert the moral argument. It's just that arrogance that led George W. Bush to believe that the Iraqi people would be so grateful for our "smart" bombs they would rise up en masse from the ruins to greet us. Maybe they still will, cheering the victors in stunned relief that the terror -- Hussein's and that caused by U.S. firepower -- has ended.
If so, let it happen soon. For now, however, with the savagery of war on newspaper front pages, the bitter lesson is that "terror" has been turned into an amoral category defined for the convenience of the purveyors of violence -- whether fanatical "irregulars" or leaders of the most powerful nation on Earth.

2003-04-03T18:27:00.000-08:00

Bring Back the Body Count
By Ira Chernus
April 3, 2003

"We don't do body counts," says America's soldier-in-chief, Tommy Franks. That's a damn shame.

During the Vietnam war, the body count was served up every day on the evening news. While Americans ate dinner, they watched a graphic visual scorecard: how many Americans had died that day, how many South Vietnamese and how many Communists. At the time, it seemed the height of dehumanized violence. Compared to Tommy Franks' new way of war, though, the old way looks very humane indeed.

True, the body count turned human beings into abstract numbers. But it required soldiers to say to the world, "I killed human beings today. This is exactly how many I killed. I am obliged to count each and every one." It demanded that the killers look at what they had done, think about it (however briefly), and acknowledge their deed. It was a way of taking responsibility.

Today's killers avoid that responsibility. They perpetuate the fiction so many Americans want to believe ? that no real people die in war, that it's just an exciting video game. It's not merely the dead who disappear; it's the act of killing itself. When the victim's family holds up a picture, U.S. soldiers or journalists can simply reply "Who's that? We have no record of such a person. In fact, we have no records at all."

This is not just a matter of new technology. There was plenty of long-distance impersonal killing in Vietnam too. But back then, the U.S. military at least went through the motions of going in to see what they had done. True, the investigations were often cursory and the numbers often fictional. No matter how inaccurate the numbers were, though, the message to the public every day was that each body should be counted. At some level, at least, each individual life seemed to matter.

The difference between Vietnam and Iraq lies partly in overall strategy. In Vietnam, there was no territory to be conquered and occupied. If U.S. forces seized an area, they knew that sooner or later the Viet Cong would take it back. The only way to measure "victory" was by killing more of them than they killed of us. In Iraq, the goal is control of place. U.S. forces can "take" Basra or Nassiriya and call it a victory, without ever thinking about how many Iraqis had to be killed in the process. So the body count matters less.

However, the end of body counts can not be explained simply by the difference in strategy. The old-fashioned body counts disappeared during the first war against Iraq, when the goal was still defined by territory: pushing Iraqi forces out of Kuwait.

It's much more likely that "we don't do body counts" because Vietnam proved how embarrassing they could be. As the U.S. public turned against that war, the body count became a symbol of everything that was inhumane and irrational about that war. The Pentagon fears that the same might happen if the Iraq war bogs down. How much simpler to deny the inhumanity and irrationality of war by denying the obvious fact of slaughter.

What I fear is a world where thousands can be killed and no one is responsible, where deaths are erased from history as soon as they happen. The body count was more than an act of responsibility. It was a permanent record. It made each death a historical fact. You can go back and graph those Vietnam deaths from day to day, month to month, year to year. That turns the victims into nameless, faceless abstractions. But it least it confirms for ever and ever that they lived and died, because someone took the time to kill and count them.

In Iraq, it is as if the killing never happened. When a human being's death is erased from history, so is their life. Life and death together vanish without a trace.

The body count has one other virtue. It is enemy soldiers, not civilians, who are officially counted. Antiwar activists rightly warn about civilian slaughter and watch the toll rise at IraqBodyCount.org. It is easy to forget that the vast majority of Iraqi dead and wounded will be soldiers. Most of them were pressed into service, either by brute force or economic necessity. As the whole world has been telling us for months, there is no good reason for this war, no good reason for those hapless Iraqi foot-soldiers to die. They are victims of brutality ? inflicted by their own government and by ours ? just as much as the civilians. They deserve just as much to be counted.

So let us bring back the body count. If we must kill, let us kill as one human being to another, recognizing the full humanity of our victims. Without a body count, our nation becomes more of a robotic killing machine. As we dehumanize Iraqis, we slip even further into our own dehumanization. Let us bring back the body count, if only to recover our own sense of responsibility to the world's people, to history, to our own humanity.

2003-04-03T18:24:00.000-08:00

2003-04-03T18:23:00.000-08:00

Blair 'delayed US strike on Iraq'
Bush and Blair: British leader prevented 2001 attack on Iraq

US President George Bush was persuaded by UK Prime Minister Tony Blair not to attack Iraq in the immediate aftermath of the 11 September terrorist attacks, it has been claimed. According to a former British ambassador to Washington, the US president had come under intense pressure from some in his own military to attack Saddam Hussein in the days after the 2001 terrorist outrages in the US.
But, said Sir Christopher Meyer, when Mr Blair met the US president at his Camp David retreat a few days later he succesfully argued for al-Qaeda and the Taleban regime in Afghanistan to be confronted first.
"Tony Blair's view was: 'Whatever you're going to do about Iraq, you should concentrate on the job at hand and the job at hand was get al-Qaeda, give the Taleban an ultimatum'," Sir Christopher said.
The former ambassador was speaking on a documentary that will be screened on the PBS network in America on Thursday.
Called Blair's War, it looks at the prime minister's attempts to try and maintain an alliance against Saddam Hussein.
'Leave Iraq'
He said that after listening to Mr Blair's argument, Mr Bush decided to "leave Iraq for another day".
Sir Christopher also said that after the Taleban had been removed from power, Mr Blair told the US leader he would need to exhaust peaceful options before he could attack Iraq.
He said the prime minister had offered to act as an envoy to try and persuade European leaders to back a US attack.
"Blair said: 'If you want to do this you can do this on your own, you have the military strength to go into Iraq and do it, but our advice to you is even a great superpower like the US needs to do this with partners and allies'," Sir Christopher said.
He added that many world leaders were alarmed after Mr Bush announced plans for a pre-emptive strike on Saddam Hussein's regime.
Sir Jeremy Greenstock, Britain's current ambassador to the United Nations, has also been interviewed in the programme, and he said diplomats had failed to fix divisions in the Western alliance after the first resolution had been passed.
"They were differences which we knew about, looking back, I think that was a mistake of diplomacy that we didn't try and deal with those nuances that turned in to ravines by the end of the game."
He said he had been especially surprised that France continued to oppose military action.

2003-04-03T18:22:00.000-08:00

Local Co. One of Two Finalist in Iraq Reconstruction Bid

LOS ANGELES ? Employee-owned Parsons Corp. of Pasadena and Bechtel Group Inc. of San Francisco -- the nation's biggest construction firm -- are the two finalists for the first U.S. government contract to rebuild postwar Iraq, it was reported on Thursday. An announcement could come from the U.S. Agency for International Development soon, according to reports.
The contract is worth $600 million, a relatively paltry sum for a major reconstruction project, but that amount could grow significantly as additional reconstruction contracts are handed out.
Bechtel became a flashpoint for protesters in the first days of the Iraq war, with demonstrators accusing the privately held company of war profiteering. There have been no such protests attached to little-known Parsons, which ranks 28th among U.S. contractors.
A local L.A. newspaper is reporting that Bechtel and Parsons have emerged as the two finalists in the highly publicized competition to repair Iraq's roads, railways, schools, water system, airports and ports.
Parsons has teamed up with Kellogg, Brown and Root, unit of construction giant Halliburton, whose former CEO is Vice President Dick Cheney, in bidding for the contract, The Times reported. Bechtel also would be likely to subcontract much of the work.
Headquartered in a 12-story building in Pasadena, Parsons builds roads, airports and industrial parks, destroys chemical weapons and creates mass transit systems.
Bechtel's revenue in 2001, the last year for which it published figures, was $13.4 billion, with more than $10 billion coming from North America, The Times reported. New work booked -- a measure of future revenue -- fell sharply to $9.3 billion from $14.5 billion in 2000 and $23.3 billion in 1999.
Reportedly, Parsons has 9,000 employees worldwide and , had revenue of $2.4 billion last year. The future promises significant expansion, with new contracts signed in 2001 valued at $6.5 billion.
Bechtel's high-profile projects include the Hoover Dam, the San Francisco- Oakland Bay Bridge, the English Channel tunnel and Boston's so-called Big Dig, the largest and most complex highway project in U.S. history.
Parsons was founded in 1944 as a petrochemical engineering firm and has since expanded into a broad range of engineering and construction work, largely through acquisitions.
Parsons, a key consultant on the Alameda Corridor rail project in Los Angeles, has a strong background in highways and airports, skills that will be in heavy demand in Iraq.
Winning the contract would broaden Parsons' presence in the Middle East, where it is firmly entrenched in Saudi Arabia and Kuwait. It also would accelerate the company's growing involvement in the world of postwar rebuilding.
Parsons won three-year contracts to help rebuild Kosovo and Bosnia- Herzegovina. During a scouting trip to Bosnia in 1996, Parsons then-Chief Executive Leonard Pieroni was killed in an airplane accident along with Commerce Secretary Ronald Brown. He was succeeded by James McNulty.

2003-04-03T18:21:00.000-08:00

wrong in my sight. it is not for him to decide any more if he should kill or not. his job is fight and if he starts thinking he oculd ruin a lot of other people in danger.
Marine who said no to killing on his conscience
Fighting not to fight
Duncan Campbell in Los Angeles
Tuesday April 1, 2003
The Guardian

The first American conscientious objector from the Iraq war will give himself up at a marine base in California this morning. He said he believed the war was "immoral because of the deception involved by our leaders". Stephen Eagle Funk, 20, a marine reserve who was due to be sent for combat duty, is currently on "unauthorised absence" from his unit. He faces a possible court martial and time in military prison for his action.
"I know I have to be punished for going UA," Mr Funk told the Guardian in an interview before surrendering to authorities, "but I would rather take my punishment now than live with what I would have to do [in Iraq] for the rest of my life. I would be going in knowing that it was wrong and that would be hypocritical."
Mr Funk, who is originally from Seattle and is half Filipino, was approached by a recruiting officer last year. At the time, he said, he was depressed after dropping out of a biology course at the University of Southern California in Los Angeles. He was working part-time for a vet and in a pet shop.
His family and friends were surprised by his decision, he said, because they had known him to have liberal political views and not to have been interested in the military.
"I wanted to belong and I wanted another direction in my life, and this seemed to offer it," said Mr Funk. "They told me I would be able to go back to school [university]." Recruits have their college fees paid once they complete their service.
"The ads make the armed forces look so cool - 'Call this number and we'll send you a free pair of boxer shorts' - and a lot of kids don't realise what's involved," he said. Although he graduated from the famously tough marine boot camp in San Diego and excelled as a rifleman during the 12-week induction period, Mr Funk said he had started to have doubts about military service during his training.
"Every day in combat training you had to yell out 'Kill! Kill!' and we would get into trouble if you didn't shout it out, so often I would just mouth it so I didn't get into trouble." The recruits were also encouraged to hurt each other during hand-to- hand combat training. "I couldn't do that so they would pair me up with someone who was very violent or aggressive."
Mr Funk said many recruits were envious of those who were being sent to the Gulf. "They would say things like, 'Kill a raghead for me - I'm so jealous.'"
As a Catholic who attended mass most Sundays during training, he eventually decided to take his concerns to the chaplain. "He said, 'It's a lot easier if you just give in and don't question authority.' He quoted the Bible at me and said, 'Jesus says to carry a sword.'
"But I don't think Jesus was a violent man - in fact, the opposite - and I don't think God takes sides in war _ Everyone told me it was futile to try to get out."
At shooting practice, although he scored well, the instructor told him he had an attitude problem: "I was a little pissed off and I said, 'I think killing people is wrong.' That was the crystallising moment because I had never said it out loud before. It was such a relief."
He became concerned about the reasons for the conflict in Iraq. "This war is very immoral because of the deception involved by our leaders. It is very hypocritical." He is opposed to the use of war as a way of solving problems.
"War is about destruction and violence and death. It is young men fighting old men's wars. It is not the answer, it just ravages the land of the battleground. I know it's wrong but other people in the military have been programmed to think it is OK."
Mr Funk, who is being counselled by conscientious objectors from the 1991 Gulf war, said he had gone public to try to dissuade other young people who had not thought through their reasons for joining the forces. "All they [the military] want is numbers. What I'm doing is really trying to educate people to weigh their options - there are so many more ways to get money for school."
He added: "My mum had a gut feeling it wouldn't work out." Although he does not know what punishment awaits, "it's a risk I'm willing to take".
This morning, accompanied by his lawyer and former conscientious objectors from previous wars, he will arrive at his home base in San Jose, change into his uniform and give himself up.

2003-04-03T18:19:00.000-08:00

The War's Dirty Secret: It's About Changing United States, Not Iraq

Much to her surprise, the federal government is promising to do everything Los Angeles Congresswoman Maxine Waters has spent years fighting for.
Education for the neediest souls will be transformed, quality health care will be guaranteed, damaged roadways and bridges will be rebuilt, and millions of dollars will be spent to spur new business.
Waters just never figured the beneficiaries would be residents of Iraq.
A few weeks ago, when I spent several hours with her in Washington as the start of the war approached, Waters had begun to fear the worst.
"I'm very worried about the long-term impact," she said, predicting that as the cost of the war grows, states, counties and cities will get stiffed.
Waters wasn't talking about the weeks and months ahead, but the years and decades to come. The cost of the war and rebuilding Iraq, she said, could drastically limit what government can do.
The effort to turn Iraq into a democracy, in other words, is making the U.S. less of one. Our opposition party has disappeared, corporate interests dictate public policy, and the feds may be rummaging through your e-mail.
There's a dirty secret no one has told you, and here it is: This war is not about changing Iraq, it's about changing America.
Unless you're lucky enough to be an investor in one of the corporations that will win multimillion-dollar contracts to rebuild Iraq, you may be hurting when the cost of the war and a new era of deficit spending put even more of a drag on the economy.
If you don't earn enough to hit the jackpot on President Bush's proposed tax cuts, you're just going to have to fend for yourself. The whole idea is to train you to expect less and to feel patriotic about it.
If things get really bad, you can always move to Iraq.
"I think it's terribly arrogant and overly ambitious for this president to think he can invade that country, turn it into a democracy, and use American taxpayer dollars to build an infrastructure that still is not built in some parts of this nation," Waters said.
"In addition to that, he wants to go ahead with tax breaks for the wealthiest people in this country."
To clarify, Waters isn't against sending American dollars to other countries.
"I believe in foreign assistance, and I think the richest nation in the world should certainly help our neighbors in other parts of the world," she said. "But I dislike the idea that we tear up Iraq first, bombing it to smithereens, and then we go back and put in the water systems, the health-care facilities and the other things we've torn up."
Last week, Waters and the rest of the country got the first bill for Operation Iraqi Freedom when the president asked Congress for $74.7 billion to cover war-related costs. Empire-building isn't cheap.
"That's probably going to underwrite about one month's cost of the war," said Waters. "And it's just the tip of the iceberg."
Waters got nervous when she saw Halliburton, Vice President Dick Cheney's former company, grab one of the first rebuilding contracts before we'd even begun knocking things down. To help prevent a feeding frenzy by corporations with political connections, Waters introduced two amendments.
The first would have put a four-year hold on the awarding of military contracts to companies that helped draft the Iraqi war policy or employed high-level administration officials.
It was shot down like a sputtering Scud.
Waters went back to the drawing board and came up with a softer amendment.
"This time I just said, 'OK, let's say the person who's worked for that company in the last four years can't do the negotiating. He'd have to recuse himself from that discussion.' Now that's as simple as it can get, and they voted against that one, too."
One night last week, I called Waters' Capitol Hill office at 9 p.m. her time and she answered the phone herself, having just returned from a House session.
"I was on the floor for an hour, helping educate people about the cuts being made to veterans' programs," she said.
So let's review.
We're asking 200,000 troops to risk life and limb in Iraq, and the White House and Congress are preparing a welcome-home party by slashing veterans' benefits.
Last week, I visited the Veterans Affairs dorms in West L.A., where I met a Vietnam vet who was wounded six times. He had a brace on his leg and shrapnel scars from head to toe, and he'd finally given up on his fight for enough disability pay to live on.
When I walked away, patients were calling out to me, saying there's no hot water for showers.
Things are not looking good for the future veterans of Operation Iraqi Freedom.
By Waters' count, current budget proposals would trim $15 billion from veterans' programs -- something's got to cover those big tax cuts -- over the next 10 years.
And that's if there are no unforeseen costs in the rebuilding of Iraq.

2003-04-03T18:10:00.000-08:00

blogger.com

2003-04-03T08:23:00.000-08:00

wow man. this w.bloggar tool is so great i can't stop myself from using it. addictive very. anyway, i got some plans for today and got some work. in the end, it all boils down to humans.

2003-04-02T19:29:00.000-08:00

i finally decided to write about the RSJ march issue. i did a long on eand then some fucked up thing hapenned and couldn't undo.
anyway, i just couldn't help it. there was so much of shit waiting to be thought at. so i will try this in a general point by point breakdown.
1. in the last section where they remember all the people who have died and mattered - usual suspects feat. cobain, jimi, janis, jim - they forgot about joey ramone which they had featured in their magazine some time back. that is almost a criminal offense.
2. the whole issue was laced in nostalgia. come on people, there is so much hapenning in the real world, u can't just have an issue devoted completely to past rememberances. yes there were the random jottings thing featured but as i have said earlier, they certainly need some tidying up in that section.
3. on a tangent, they featured bombay black when they opened for aerosmith. guess the other opening band? fuel! impressive to see the career graphs of both of them although i have to say that although i am a very staunch supporter of the nu-metal movement, fuel did not impress me much. there blend of metal drenched with southern loose influences brings to mind a certain without vowel band.
4. in the metal section, anthrax have been written as, "while other metal bands were getting drunk, anthrax were writing social and political commentaries". and i thought that anthrax was the only band who were quite tongue-in-cheek due to their punk influence. wonder what metalllica was doing at that time?
5. in a 96 issue, melissa etheridge is compared to janis joplin. yeah right.
6. in a 97 issue, U2's latest effort 'POP' is said to be like a very hyper active prodigy of TFOTL era. ahem. like i can call this a bit of a overstatement and i might get away with it. maybe the writer is excessively fond of U2. i mean, if gregorian chants are in, then why not christian wussies! (in jest please)
7. this is my favourite. they used to have this section very early on which used to list all new release and the labels and the corresponding genres. so this one is out of a 93 issue.
NIRVANA - BLEACH - GEFFEN - get ready - thrash/heavy metal.
8. another lateral thought. there is a review dissing remo's 'politicians don't know how to rock and roll". i haven't heard the record so i will reserve my judgements but i can say this that it had one of the best album sleeves of all time. at the back of it, the statement went,
" india is a great country. it has so many resources, so good people (blah blah blah... full bakchodi about our greatness).
to keep a country poor and illetrate for so long is a very difficult job and we salute our politicians for that."
come to think of it. this is a good idea. i am going to post a topic for the best album titles
9. in the review of faith no more's angel dust, it is written about mike patton's death metal styled vocals in jizzlober. another big ahem here.
10. finally, there is a big comparision to be made here. there is an article in the 93 ed. by amit roy who is justifying thrash metal. he is trying to clear up the confusion that thrash metal does not promote satanism or voilence or any other type of shit. he is also trying to tell us that it is not all noise.
on another note, amit or someone has questioned 'what is alternative', an article totally stemming out from a report of the lollapapooza tour that year. so he raises questions about the basic aesthetics of alternative music and where should it fit in and why it does not have any music sense. he also tells us that cobain never pracitced a guitar solo (i wasn't expecting that. but that was such a musically tuned band) and basically tries to tell us that alternative is a fad.
compare this to today. today people are quesstioning black/death metal and the ethics that go with it while earlier it was thrash. so we see that music is reaching the very edges of acceptance in society. i think this fabric would be stretched again and again in the years to come and me - i love showdown - thinks finally an apocalypse would destroy society as well as all electric equipment signalling the end of black/death whatever.
and the other comparision can be drawn between nu-metal/alternative. what alternative went through in the early 90s - scoffs from the older guards and cheered by the younger brigade - is being done to nu-metal right now.
you know what is the best part?
cornell or someone justified in that issue, ' why classify us. we r rock n roll in the grand tradition.'
i have been following POD and nonpoint and other good bands of this genre. so in interviews were people try to put them down in genres (this i think is another problem. people try to classify as a way of putting them down in some sense like they know what it is and that is why it is not so great. it must be the exhiliration of understanding), guess what they reply.
"why classify us. we r rock n roll in the grand tradition."

2003-04-02T18:23:00.000-08:00

ok guys, i have finally decided to activate this or some sort of shit. now i am trying to find templates, cmmenting system and exactly what i intend to put up here. my basic idea is that this would be a back to the old school movement with this being basically a weblog. all the ilnks i shift through daily and additionally i plan on a music video review cuz no one's being doing it.
with that shit clear, let me make a fatalistic realization at this point. my exams are 3 weeks away. i have not studied for the whole year. and now, i don't intend to.
we fall right down on our face, remembering to be what i am not anymore.